Chavs just smashed my car window. I need advice

#1
Guys, I have had some trouble about some little chav shi-tes that keep hanging around. They have been making lots of noise, swearing, squealing etc. Well, I suddenly heard glass breaking and so I went out. My passenger side window was smashed and the little cunts were legging it down the road. To say I am currently fuming is an understatement. I am covered by insurance but the hassle and the excess is pissing me off.

So, next time the c-unts are hanging around, and I am sure they will return, I hope to dish out some revenge and also make them so shit-scared they never come back.

Problem: there are 11 of them fit young 19/20 year old lads, and 1 of me. 22, out of shape and can not rely on my flat mates for back up. So, ratio of 11/1, not good odds on me getting out of that in one piece! Now, I don't think these lads are very hard, and I am sure I could probably take a couple of them on at once, but of course it would not be one or two at a time, but all 11 jumping in.

So, I thought I would ask you guys, the blokes trained to be violent, merciless and down right rude to the enemy, for tips on what I should do.

My thoughts: Identify the ring leader (he will be the mouthiest) and basically be extremely violent very quickly so the others have no time to react and become scared of me :)

Flatmates thoughts: Leave it, I will only make it worse, get hurt, and it is a matter for plod (the same plod that never show up until after the damage is done!)

So, what are our thoughts lads?

(descriptions of outrageous and outlandish violent acts upon their genitalia also welcome!)
 
#2
acidedge said:
Guys, I have had some trouble about some little chav shi-tes that keep hanging around. They have been making lots of noise, swearing, squealing etc. Well, I suddenly heard glass breaking and so I went out. My passenger side window was smashed and the little * were legging it down the road. To say I am currently fuming is an understatement. I am covered by insurance but the hassle and the excess is pissing me off.

So, next time the c-unts are hanging around, and I am sure they will return, I hope to dish out some revenge and also make them so s***-scared they never come back.

Problem: there are 11 of them fit young 19/20 year old lads, and 1 of me. 22, out of shape and can not rely on my flat mates for back up. So, ratio of 11/1, not good odds on me getting out of that in one piece! Now, I don't think these lads are very hard, and I am sure I could probably take a couple of them on at once, but of course it would not be one or two at a time, but all 11 jumping in.

So, I thought I would ask you guys, the blokes trained to be violent, merciless and down right rude to the enemy, for tips on what I should do.

My thoughts: Identify the ring leader (he will be the mouthiest) and basically be extremely violent very quickly so the others have no time to react and become scared of me :)

Flatmates thoughts: Leave it, I will only make it worse, get hurt, and it is a matter for plod (the same plod that never show up until after the damage is done!)

So, what are our thoughts lads?

(descriptions of outrageous and outlandish violent acts upon their genitalia also welcome!)
Get down the gym and stop eating pies.
 
#3
Started :) but need to sort this problem out now. I moved out of Manchester to get away from this problem of chavs hanging around. I can't put up with it for long
 

Command_doh

LE
Book Reviewer
#4
Remember the stab - proof vest though. It's knife crime in the first instance, these days. I keep expecting to get shanked by the old dear with the roller trolley on the number 90 bus these days - seem's everybodies 'packing steel'.
 
#5
get a bike
 
#6
Did you ever see 'First Blood'? Lure them into the woods and start laying punji traps for them. You know, work out your differences like men.
 
#7
Lie in the car with a shotgun - eat all the pies you like then
 
#9
Decent cctv (covert or not) on the spot where the car is. It will cost you. Film digitally. Wait for next attack and get the bastard done.

If you want to try anything Rambo-ish these days, expect to get fcuked by the Bill. Don't do it.
 
#10
Air Pistols, keeping Chavs off your property since 1996
 
#11
Aquafresh said:
You moved to manchester to avoid chavs????? You didnt think that one through did you!
No, I moved out of Manchester to avoid chavs. Out, man, Out!
 
#12
Chav trap,

Heat a poker in the fire until it's red hot. Super glue a 50 pence piece to the pavement outside your neighbours house. When he bends over, shove the poker in his dirt.
 
#13
Forget the Old Bill, forget CCTV (the idle copper's detective). Carry out a bit of surveillance and work out where you can 'meet' these individuals one to one a long way from your address. The rest I leave to your imagination or other posters.
 
#14
JoseyWales said:
Chav trap,

Heat a poker in the fire until it's red hot. Super glue a 50 pence piece to the pavement outside your neighbours house. When he bends over, shove the poker in his dirt.
Didn't they a kill a king that way? A royal death for a chav? 8O
 
#15
Visit maplins for the cctv kit. Funnily enough report to your local police your car damage, they may already have these darling sons of St George already on file. A crime report does help with insurance btw.

Air rifle/ pistol works up to a point but a black widow just sounds so much more fun. Failing all of the above a big dog that bites to the bone is always a good way to protect yourself.
 

Attachments

#16
"22 years old and out of shape".

So, I'm guessing:

You're not a veteran - too young & wouldn't be out of shape so soon if you'd left this year.

You're not serving in the regular army, the TA or the OTC.

Forgive me for being rude, but why are you on this site? A potential recruit maybe?

*edit - just seen; your profile says you work for the MOD. Not an issue, but I was curious why somebody with no link to this community (which you do have) would want to hang around with us bunch of degenerettes :D
 
#17
amazing__lobster said:
"22 years old and out of shape".

So, I'm guessing:

You're not a veteran - too young & wouldn't be out of shape so soon if you'd left this year.

You're not serving in the regular army, the TA or the OTC.

Forgive me for being rude, but why are you on this site? A potential recruit maybe?
Well, I am a civvie, but working on a MOD project and this site was suggested to me as "a way to get to understand the mind set of our end users". After weeping at the management speak, I logged on and found the mindset of Arrse was my mind set too. :) I could only find the same twisted black humour on Sickipedia, so I have hung around. Hope the Arrse members don't mind :(

Potential recruit? Maybe one day
 
#19
amazing__lobster said:
"22 years old and out of shape".

...would want to hang around with us bunch of degenerettes :D
Loving it, and proud!! No one else would have me :D

Back to the issue, if you live in Mongchester, surely there are other chavs who would do some damage for a fag butt and a pack of Space Invaders?

CHAV WARS!!!
 
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