Chavel Fish

Bought to my atention on another thread but deserving still of its own ....edit - Thanks dozy B

Like Babelfish only for chavs

Guess what poem this was

Wot passng-bellz 4 vese wo die az cattle?
Only da monstruouz anga of da guns
Only da stutterng rifles rapid rattle
Can patta out veir hasty orisons..
No mokeriez now 4 vem;
No prayaz nor bells;
Nor ne voice ov mournng sav da choirs...lyk...-
de shrill...fuk...demented choirz of wailng shells;
And buglez callng 4 vem from sad shires...
alo how r u all...mi name iz happyhamma and me am kwite new 2 arrse n comparison 2 some ov u...
de Owl n de Pussycat went 2 sea n a beautiful pea-green boat, dey 2 ok some honey..u no..and bare money, Wrapped up n a fiv fukin pound note... de Owl looked up 2 de starz above, And san to a small guitar, "O lovely Pussy!11 O love, wot a beautiful Pussy u r..hehe..u r..u no..u r, wot a beautiful Pussy u r..."
Ahhh never has the great bard sounded so.... chav.....

"Friends..hehe..Romans..u no..countrymen...fuk...lend me ur ears!11 y cum 2 bury Caesar...fuk...not 2 prayz him"
"A hors!11 a hors!11 mi kngdom 4 a hors!"
"Alas..hehe..poor Yorik!11 me knew him...lyk...Horatio; a fellow ov nfnite jest...fuk...of most excellent fancy"

Poor Churchill would never have cut the mustard with this

"Let uz dere4 brace areselvez to are duties...lyk...and so bear areselvez dat if da British Empire n Commonwelf last 4 a vousand will still say...lyk...diz waz dere wikidist hour"
On the morow, betymes, The Kynge, undarstandinge that the day approched nere, betwyxt four and five of the cloke, nawithstandynge there was a greate myste and letted the syght of eithar othar, yet he commytted his cawse and qwarell to Allmyghty God, avancyd bannars, dyd blowe up trumpets, and set upon them, firste with shotte, and, than and sone, they joyned and came to hand-strokes, wherein his enemies manly and coragiously receyved them, as well in shotte as in hand-stroks, whan they ioyned; whiche ioynynge of theyr bothe batteyls was nat directly frount to frount, as they so shulde have ioyned ne had be the myste, whiche suffred neythar party to se othar, but for a litle space, and that of lyklyhod cawsed the bataile to be the more crewell and mortall; ................

Not chav -but C15th Century from The arrival. I have a theory that it might be easier to read after trying to read chav..
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