Chav Safari

#1
Okay, been thinking this through for a while and can see it as a flawless new business enterprise. To start with, for clarification, this isn't safari as in 'look at them but do not disturb in a tree-huggy kind of way' but rather the old style 'shoot everything in sight and mount the heads onto walls' sort of thing. :twisted:
All that would be needed is a WMIK (or something similar, the military vehicle surplus places should have something) with a top mounted Gimpy (or RPD etc, whatever's easiest to get hold of). The basic premise being you charge punters £1000 per 200 round box of link (at a guess of 10p per round this would be a 5000% mark up - pretty healthy profits I'm sure you'll agree), a quick fam with the weapon then drive them into the designated CHE (Chav Hunting Enclosure); a good starting point could be Chatham in Kent. Targets fall when hit etc etc, :rambo: when the link's gone the safari is over.
The benefits are plain, huge business profits, less drain on the national economy (less benefit scroungers, NHS patients etc) and a huge raise in the average IQ of the population. I confidently predict after the first year branching out into such areas as Reality TV 'Celebrity' Safaris. :thumleft:
I will of course require co-partners for the business as well as a good accountant to keep track of the huge amounts of cash the business will rake in. 8) Before patenting the idea I'd like to canvas the opinions of the much respected ARRSE community......
 
#2
Well thought out business idea, plenty of scope for competition safaris leading to inclusion in the 2012 games as a demonstration sport
 
#3
It's People Like you that led to the wholesale slaughter and near extiction of many endangered species on the African content.
















I Like it! :D
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#4
A splendid idea, but personally when on safari I would use a specially made Purdey game rifle, perhaps with a nice gold inlayed engraving of some chavs riding scooters or hanging around at a bus stop.
 

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#5
An excellent plan very well thought out. From a marketing perspective might I suggest that you give a little more thought to the name. How about Chavari?
 
#6
Why bother with a WMIK, an elephant would do just fine. Strolling about gracefully around the country's major inner-cities, taking pot shots at chavs with a large bore hunting rifle. You could use said elephant to stamp on any chav you manage to clip, thus putting them out of their misery.

The elephant could then sh1t all over the chav family you've just massacred, i nice finishing touch i thought.

The elephant could even be used as bait. With the average chav mong not knowing where milk comes from, i'd doubt very much if he's ever seen an elephant (Remember: If it's not in the first 3 pages on Max Power, then the chav ain't interested.). Then when the chav comes over to spray his tag on the side of the animal ... BANG! ... got another one old chap!

I can see this taking off and in years to come we'll all be talking about how the chav "don't like it up 'em!".
 
#7
Ranger_Danger said:
An excellent plan very well thought out. From a marketing perspective might I suggest that you give a little more thought to the name. How about Chavari?
Chav Safari was merely the concept, Chavari is quite a good start for a name though. Once the profits are into the multi millions (six months or so) I will hire a large advertising company to rebrand, spread the word and increase revenue, someone like Saatchi and Saatchi, they've worked wonders for Army recruitment! 8O
 
#8
"It was here [at Gaza-Beersheba] where the men got their first taste of running the enemy through, with their swords, in a mounted charge, a quite unique experience"

Captain O. Teichman



Hunting Turks or hunting chavs, its all the same.
 
#9
For some target recognition material you can't go far wrong in having a look at www.chavscum.co.uk. I would post a link, but DII doesn't seem to like the site and won't let me open it on the work computer.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#10
I'm still fairly partial to a spot of Chav hunting with hounds, you could do a nice sideline organising mounted hunts for the gentry and the like. Perhaps a trial hunt through Croydon town centre just to get an idea of interested numbers.
 
#11
A slightly cheaper version of the Chavfari, could be to set up a hide outside a JJB sporting emporium. As has been mentioned before, you could use bait such as a 'DAD' Argos soveriegn ring or a Pot Noodle over a pit.

Once trapped the chav could be stunned (for no other reason than for hitting him) then taken home and breeded, so in a few years each household could have a domesticed chav as a pet.
 
#12
Mr_Deputy said:
The13thDukeOfWybourne said:
A slightly cheaper version of the Chavfari, could be to set up a hide outside a JJB sporting emporium. As has been mentioned before, you could use bait such as a 'DAD' Argos soveriegn ring or a Pot Noodle over a pit.

Once trapped the chav could be stunned (for no other reason than for hitting him) then taken home and breeded, so in a few years each household could have a domesticed chav as a pet.
would they not be totally useless even as pet? draught excluder ...oh no hang on they would be prone to moaning about being "kawwd" (cold.)
Perhaps they could be trained to fight for our enjoyment?
 
#13
The13thDukeOfWybourne said:
A slightly cheaper version of the Chavfari, could be to set up a hide outside a JJB sporting emporium. As has been mentioned before, you could use bait such as a 'DAD' Argos soveriegn ring or a Pot Noodle over a pit.

Once trapped the chav could be stunned (for no other reason than for hitting him) then taken home and breeded, so in a few years each household could have a domesticed chav as a pet.
For Odins sake man, its not like they need a breeding programme! Think of the mess one would cause in a civilised environment. You know that once they had started to grow older and you had all the plasma TV's etc that you could find room for you'd only end up turfing it out into the streets to forage for tat inside argos.
Remember a Chav is for culling, not for petting.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#14
Agreed, you would not try to domesticate any other form of insect so why a chav?
 
#15
This could get really interesting if it was to become an international sport!

Away games would be great, hunting spics in Germany, gobshite French students/farmers/truck drivers in France.

This can only grow and grow!!
 
#16
In the future, when Chavs are an endangered sub species, will there be a 'save the chav' charity? Where will Marwell Zoo put the Chav enclosure? ...

..

and who wants to break into the chav enclosure to make sure the 'final solution' works?
 
#17
Ravers said:
I'm still fairly partial to a spot of Chav hunting with hounds, you could do a nice sideline organising mounted hunts for the gentry and the like. Perhaps a trial hunt through Croydon town centre just to get an idea of interested numbers.
Looking at the Hunting Bill this would be perfectly acceptable as it only mentions the hunting of wild mammals. As long as they have a home (sorry I should say as long as the Council has a home for them) then they are not wild so the Hunting Bill wouldn't apply.
 
#18
theoriginalphantom said:
The13thDukeOfWybourne said:
A slightly cheaper version of the Chavfari, could be to set up a hide outside a JJB sporting emporium. As has been mentioned before, you could use bait such as a 'DAD' Argos soveriegn ring or a Pot Noodle over a pit.

Once trapped the chav could be stunned (for no other reason than for hitting him) then taken home and breeded, so in a few years each household could have a domesticed chav as a pet.
For Odins sake man, its not like they need a breeding programme! Think of the mess one would cause in a civilised environment. You know that once they had started to grow older and you had all the plasma TV's etc that you could find room for you'd only end up turfing it out into the streets to forage for tat inside argos.
Remember a Chav is for culling, not for petting.
Then they could be bread for medical research and the like. Surely noone would complain if they saw a chav being forced to smoke fags or shampoo squirted in his eyes. Or use their skins to make shoes and handbags.
 
#20
The13thDukeOfWybourne said:
theoriginalphantom said:
The13thDukeOfWybourne said:
A slightly cheaper version of the Chavfari, could be to set up a hide outside a JJB sporting emporium. As has been mentioned before, you could use bait such as a 'DAD' Argos soveriegn ring or a Pot Noodle over a pit.

Once trapped the chav could be stunned (for no other reason than for hitting him) then taken home and breeded, so in a few years each household could have a domesticed chav as a pet.
For Odins sake man, its not like they need a breeding programme! Think of the mess one would cause in a civilised environment. You know that once they had started to grow older and you had all the plasma TV's etc that you could find room for you'd only end up turfing it out into the streets to forage for tat inside argos.
Remember a Chav is for culling, not for petting.
Then they could be bread for medical research and the like. Surely noone would complain if they saw a chav being forced to smoke fags or shampoo squirted in his eyes. Or use their skins to make shoes and handbags.
A few small problems with medical research on chavs, firstly 'forcing' them to smoke fags? c'mon unless you mean 'make them perform fellatio on Homos' then finding a control group that don't smoke will be impossible.
Secondly (and more importantly) they are so far removed from humans as to make any results as valid as using sperm whales for research.
 
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