Chav mong security guards

#1
Have just returned from a trip to my local branch of Tesco. in order to secure rations for myself and mrs pyp. On my way out I paused to exchange pleasantries with the spendidly be-medaled ex para poppy salesman, As we spoke, I glanced accross at the cash machine. The cash machine was, at the time, being replenished by two of GROUP 4s finest.

Specemin number one (the one with the cash), was quite possibly the chubbiest, most greasy, sweaty looking, unguard like thing I have ever seen. He looked like he was having trouble breathing. In place of a helmet, he had opted for a baseball cap worn backwards

His oppo, a cnut so skinny, looked like a anorexic weasle. His uniform was so ill fitting, I concluded he must have borrowed fatties spare one then procede to sleep & wnak in it for a month. For the duration of tubbies time spent locked in the back of cash dispenser. Ferret boy (also helmetless) but with prodigious ammounts of metal studs in eyebrows, decides that the best way of providing cover for porky, is to have a fag and devote all his(limited) attention to texting some fecker on his mobile.

Now I know jacksiht about the security industry, but what I witnessed this lunchtime can not be right. If the RSM of Group 4 securities is reading this, and shares my concerns, please feel free to PM me, I will be happy to provide full details .

Rant over
 
#2
They were armed, Ihope?
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#3
Firstly - don't be such a grass, and secondly: who gives a sh!t?

I'm much more concerned about the number of prisoners they let escape than a cash box going west.
 
#4
I'm hardly surprised. They get such poor wages and have no sense of duty in the task they do and no pride. Its civvy street live with it.
 
#5
Biped said:
Firstly - don't be such a grass, and secondly: who gives a sh!t?

I'm much more concerned about the number of prisoners they let escape than a cash box going west.
You raise a good point my freind. Perhaps the two feckers I saw were only on probation, serving there apprenticeship. Before being allowed to advance to prisoner escape status.
 
#6
Not forgetting of course that security guards are hired because of their stupidity not in spite of it.

I mean you don't want a clever person in charge of all that cash.
 
#7
...or they could have been robbing the gaff
 
#8
Biped said:
Firstly - don't be such a grass, and secondly: who gives a sh!t?

I'm much more concerned about the number of prisoners they let escape than a cash box going west.
Its always possible that they were escaped prisoners reemployed as guards.....
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#9
Northern_Biff said:
...or they could have been robbing the gaff
Good point: expect a PM from Group 4 asking for a detailed description! :D
 
#10
baldcossack said:
Biped said:
Firstly - don't be such a grass, and secondly: who gives a sh!t?

I'm much more concerned about the number of prisoners they let escape than a cash box going west.
Its always possible that they were escaped prisoners reemployed as guards.....
To gain a SIA licence, you have to undergo a police check and anyone with a criminal record will not gain said licence. And before you start slagging me, I don't work in the uniformed guard side of security, but in corporate security as a manager(suits and stuff)
 
#11
saintstone said:
baldcossack said:
Biped said:
Firstly - don't be such a grass, and secondly: who gives a sh!t?

I'm much more concerned about the number of prisoners they let escape than a cash box going west.
Its always possible that they were escaped prisoners reemployed as guards.....
To gain a SIA licence, you have to undergo a police check and anyone with a criminal record will not gain said licence. And before you start slagging me, I don't work in the uniformed guard side of security, but in corporate security as a manager(suits and stuff)
Wasn't it the police who checked Ian Huntley?
 
#12
baldcossack said:
saintstone said:
baldcossack said:
Biped said:
Firstly - don't be such a grass, and secondly: who gives a sh!t?

I'm much more concerned about the number of prisoners they let escape than a cash box going west.
Its always possible that they were escaped prisoners reemployed as guards.....
To gain a SIA licence, you have to undergo a police check and anyone with a criminal record will not gain said licence. And before you start slagging me, I don't work in the uniformed guard side of security, but in corporate security as a manager(suits and stuff)
Wasn't it the police who checked Ian Huntley?
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
 
#13
Pass, Baldcossack, but it is always the uniformed guards that are in the public eye, whether on cash runs or in retail, so from that security tends to get a bad press. If you were to come to the site I manage, you'd find a far better image of security as at least a third of the officers here are ex Gurkhas and you know how fastidious they are about their appearance.
 
#14
poohyerpants said:
Have just returned from a trip to my local branch of Tesco. in order to secure rations for myself and mrs pyp. On my way out I paused to exchange pleasantries with the spendidly be-medaled ex para poppy salesman, As we spoke, I glanced accross at the cash machine. The cash machine was, at the time, being replenished by two of GROUP 4s finest.

Specemin number one (the one with the cash), was quite possibly the chubbiest, most greasy, sweaty looking, unguard like thing I have ever seen. He looked like he was having trouble breathing. In place of a helmet, he had opted for a baseball cap worn backwards

His oppo, a cnut so skinny, looked like a anorexic weasle. His uniform was so ill fitting, I concluded he must have borrowed fatties spare one then procede to sleep & wnak in it for a month. For the duration of tubbies time spent locked in the back of cash dispenser. Ferret boy (also helmetless) but with prodigious ammounts of metal studs in eyebrows, decides that the best way of providing cover for porky, is to have a fag and devote all his(limited) attention to texting some fecker on his mobile.

Now I know jacksiht about the security industry, but what I witnessed this lunchtime can not be right. If the RSM of Group 4 securities is reading this, and shares my concerns, please feel free to PM me, I will be happy to provide full details .

Rant over
Can you PM me the time and exact location. How much cash do you think they were likely to have been handling?

It's just that I'm a bit skint at the moment and some extra cash for Christmas would be useful. I wouldn't even need a weapon- just a few well aimed kicks and punches.

I'll cut you in for 10% if you give me an exact description of the location.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#15
Went to the revamped Passport Office a month or so ago, and, apart from it being all loverly, shiny and posh, the gentleman providing security that welcomed me in and guided me to the correct place was impecably turned out, exceptionally polite and not from round these parts. It took me about 1/4 of a nanosecond to see that he was an esteemed ex-Ghurka chap, so it was no effort on my part to extend to him the same courtesies of politeness and recognition on my way out.

The service in HM forces made him stand out a mile, from his straight back, crisp and tidy turnout, general demeanour, exceptional politeness and willingness to assist. For those not knowing the sort of chap they were looking at, it was not necessary to know, because despite the smile, and everything else, it was writ large that he would find it no bother to detach arms and legs with ease if he so chose.

So proud, so very, very proud of our Ghurka and ex-Ghurka people I am.
 
#16
saintstone said:
Pass, Baldcossack, but it is always the uniformed guards that are in the public eye, whether on cash runs or in retail, so from that security tends to get a bad press. If you were to come to the site I manage, you'd find a far better image of security as at least a third of the officers here are ex Gurkhas and you know how fastidious they are about their appearance.
Point taken. Johnny probably makes the managing director look sh*t state!
Its the same here in Riga, the uniformed guards, with a few exceptions, are dross. And here they can be armed! I had a look at the weapon of one of them the other week, probably hadn't been cleaned this decade, even if he managed to cock it it would either have misfired or blown his hand off.
 
#17
John_Charity_Spring said:
poohyerpants said:
Have just returned from a trip to my local branch of Tesco. in order to secure rations for myself and mrs pyp. On my way out I paused to exchange pleasantries with the spendidly be-medaled ex para poppy salesman, As we spoke, I glanced accross at the cash machine. The cash machine was, at the time, being replenished by two of GROUP 4s finest.

Specemin number one (the one with the cash), was quite possibly the chubbiest, most greasy, sweaty looking, unguard like thing I have ever seen. He looked like he was having trouble breathing. In place of a helmet, he had opted for a baseball cap worn backwards

His oppo, a cnut so skinny, looked like a anorexic weasle. His uniform was so ill fitting, I concluded he must have borrowed fatties spare one then procede to sleep & wnak in it for a month. For the duration of tubbies time spent locked in the back of cash dispenser. Ferret boy (also helmetless) but with prodigious ammounts of metal studs in eyebrows, decides that the best way of providing cover for porky, is to have a fag and devote all his(limited) attention to texting some fecker on his mobile.

Now I know jacksiht about the security industry, but what I witnessed this lunchtime can not be right. If the RSM of Group 4 securities is reading this, and shares my concerns, please feel free to PM me, I will be happy to provide full details .

Rant over
Can you PM me the time and exact location. How much cash do you think they were likely to have been handling?

It's just that I'm a bit skint at the moment and some extra cash for Christmas would be useful. I wouldn't even need a weapon- just a few well aimed kicks and punches.

I'll cut you in for 10% if you give me an exact description of the location.
Mate from what I observed kicking & punching would not have been necessary. Simply a "give me the feckin cash before I bash you, you scrotes" would have been sufficient for them to have pisshed in their pants, and handed it over. (must admit the thought did cross my mind)
 
#18
Pay peanuts and you get monkeys.

In most private companies, even the big ones, security is the red-headed stepchild. It is given the lowest priority/funds.

Lets face it, in a world where PCSO's(who make a damn sight more than most security guards)won't risk getting their boots wet in order to save a drowning kid - why would a Tesco rent-a-cop put his ARRSE on the line?
 
#19
FrankCastle said:
Pay peanuts and you get monkeys.

In most private companies, even the big ones, security is the red-headed stepchild. It is given the lowest priority/funds.
I have succeeded in persuading one client company to pay 'top dollar' for good, smart, well trained and efficient uniformed security guards. I even wrote recruitment, training and career progression standards for this multi-national.

They bought the idea when it was pointed out that the first person any visitor met when visiting the company was, invariably, a security guard - and their impression of the company would be coloured from that first encounter.

I do not work for a security company!
 
#20
John_Charity_Spring said:
Can you PM me the time and exact location. How much cash do you think they were likely to have been handling?

It's just that I'm a bit skint at the moment and some extra cash for Christmas would be useful.
Ah, a visit by Mr. Heckler and Mr. Koch looms then?
 

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