Chav/Mong Drunk Encounter

#1
So this evening, went out with some friends for a few beers. Unfortunately, a chav party had arrived before us and managed to drink half the cities beer. One in particular was INTENT on dancing/groping/raping every female in the place (and spilling drinks, and falling in the fountain, and, and and...). Chased a fair few out. Once he started on our table, the fun we had had laughing at his expense evaporated quite quickly.

This pub we were at was basically an outdoor patio ringed with long planted bushes and shrubs. His friends had been at one end, we were along the line at the other.

Fecker chased our girls out of the pub, where he proceeded to beg them to "pet his tie," as it was *somehow* connected to his tongue, among other such nonsense. I threw my arm around him in a brotherly, friendly manner, walked him back over to the bushes, and threw him back through the shrubbery to his mates.

About an hour later, I'm sharing a victory beer with my mates down the street. The waitress from the first place wanders in and looks like she needs a drink right quick. We of course recognize her and commiserate. She, however, is completely flummoxed as to how the man she threw out of the bar an hour ago managed to "fall sleep"/pass out inside the bushes. She didn't quite know what to do with this "bush-man" at the end of her shift, since his mates had left, so she drapped a pillowcase over his head and left him half-in the bushes for the night.

I bought all her drinks for the rest of the evening. :)
 
#4
d.loring said:
So this evening, went out with some friends for a few beers. Unfortunately, a chav party had arrived before us and managed to drink half the cities beer. One in particular was INTENT on dancing/groping/raping every female in the place (and spilling drinks, and falling in the fountain, and, and and...). Chased a fair few out. Once he started on our table, the fun we had had laughing at his expense evaporated quite quickly.

This pub we were at was basically an outdoor patio ringed with long planted bushes and shrubs. His friends had been at one end, we were along the line at the other.

Fecker chased our girls out of the pub, where he proceeded to beg them to "pet his tie," as it was *somehow* connected to his tongue, among other such nonsense. I threw my arm around him in a brotherly, friendly manner, walked him back over to the bushes, and threw him back through the shrubbery to his mates.

About an hour later, I'm sharing a victory beer with my mates down the street. The waitress from the first place wanders in and looks like she needs a drink right quick. We of course recognize her and commiserate. She, however, is completely flummoxed as to how the man she threw out of the bar an hour ago managed to "fall sleep"/pass out inside the bushes. She didn't quite know what to do with this "bush-man" at the end of her shift, since his mates had left, so she drapped a pillowcase over his head and left him half-in the bushes for the night.

I bought all her drinks for the rest of the evening. :)
my bold: I think you'll find it's known as a chavalanche
 
#6
hillofarder said:
d.loring said:
So this evening, went out with some friends for a few beers. Unfortunately, a chav party had arrived before us and managed to drink half the cities beer. One in particular was INTENT on dancing/groping/raping every female in the place (and spilling drinks, and falling in the fountain, and, and and...). Chased a fair few out. Once he started on our table, the fun we had had laughing at his expense evaporated quite quickly.

This pub we were at was basically an outdoor patio ringed with long planted bushes and shrubs. His friends had been at one end, we were along the line at the other.

Fecker chased our girls out of the pub, where he proceeded to beg them to "pet his tie," as it was *somehow* connected to his tongue, among other such nonsense. I threw my arm around him in a brotherly, friendly manner, walked him back over to the bushes, and threw him back through the shrubbery to his mates.

About an hour later, I'm sharing a victory beer with my mates down the street. The waitress from the first place wanders in and looks like she needs a drink right quick. We of course recognize her and commiserate. She, however, is completely flummoxed as to how the man she threw out of the bar an hour ago managed to "fall sleep"/pass out inside the bushes. She didn't quite know what to do with this "bush-man" at the end of her shift, since his mates had left, so she drapped a pillowcase over his head and left him half-in the bushes for the night.

I bought all her drinks for the rest of the evening. :)
my bold: I think you'll find it's known as a chavalanche
I think you'll find its a load of shiite. I bet you wear full 95s in the house and talk to yourself infront of the mirror. Do you practice saluting in your bedroom? I'm guessing you bought body armour off ebay and left it lying around so you can say "Oh that? Yeah that's just my body armour, gotta be ready, you never know when you get the call, but I can't talk about it".

You're the bloke in the pub who starts a story with "Yeah, I dropped this one cnut once..." aren't you?
 
#7
d.loring said:
So this evening, went out with some friends for a few beers. Unfortunately, a chav party had arrived before us and managed to drink half the cities beer. One in particular was INTENT on dancing/groping/raping every female in the place (and spilling drinks, and falling in the fountain, and, and and...). Chased a fair few out. Once he started on our table, the fun we had had laughing at his expense evaporated quite quickly.

This pub we were at was basically an outdoor patio ringed with long planted bushes and shrubs. His friends had been at one end, we were along the line at the other.

Fecker chased our girls out of the pub, where he proceeded to beg them to "pet his tie," as it was *somehow* connected to his tongue, among other such nonsense. I threw my arm around him in a brotherly, friendly manner, walked him back over to the bushes, and threw him back through the shrubbery to his mates.

About an hour later, I'm sharing a victory beer with my mates down the street. The waitress from the first place wanders in and looks like she needs a drink right quick. We of course recognize her and commiserate. She, however, is completely flummoxed as to how the man she threw out of the bar an hour ago managed to "fall sleep"/pass out inside the bushes. She didn't quite know what to do with this "bush-man" at the end of her shift, since his mates had left, so she drapped a pillowcase over his head and left him half-in the bushes for the night.

I bought all her drinks for the rest of the evening. :)
my bold: I think you'll find it's known as a chavalanche
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#9
d.loring said:
So this evening, went out with some friends for a few beers. Unfortunately, a chav party had arrived before us and managed to drink half the cities beer. One in particular was INTENT on dancing/groping/raping every female in the place (and spilling drinks, and falling in the fountain, and, and and...). Chased a fair few out. Once he started on our table, the fun we had had laughing at his expense evaporated quite quickly.

This pub we were at was basically an outdoor patio ringed with long planted bushes and shrubs. His friends had been at one end, we were along the line at the other.

Fecker chased our girls out of the pub, where he proceeded to beg them to "pet his tie," as it was *somehow* connected to his tongue, among other such nonsense. I threw my arm around him in a brotherly, friendly manner, walked him back over to the bushes, and threw him back through the shrubbery to his mates.

About an hour later, I'm sharing a victory beer with my mates down the street. The waitress from the first place wanders in and looks like she needs a drink right quick. We of course recognize her and commiserate. She, however, is completely flummoxed as to how the man she threw out of the bar an hour ago managed to "fall sleep"/pass out inside the bushes. She didn't quite know what to do with this "bush-man" at the end of her shift, since his mates had left, so she drapped a pillowcase over his head and left him half-in the bushes for the night.

I bought all her drinks for the rest of the evening. :)
Gosh. How jolly exciting. Do you have any more stories like that?
 
#10
Is he Pte Golden?
 
#11
This one time, right, I was down the pub having some beers with my mates, who are blokes, when these 5 chavs walk in and start giving it all "waay, we're really 'ard like" and start gobbing off to all the birds, right? So I stand up and say to them, "pack it in, yeah, just wind your neck in fella" and other such phrases that I picked up on this site, because I'm a man of peace, see, but my fists are trained killers. So he starts in with "fcuk you, I'm well 'ard, my cousin's in the REME" So I doesn't say anything, just takes off my t shirt and lets him see my wings tattoo, and take one look at it, screams and throws himself out the window of the bar.
 
#12
 
#14
d.loring said:
So this evening, went out with some friends for a few beers. Unfortunately, a chav party had arrived before us and managed to drink half the cities beer. One in particular was INTENT on dancing/groping/raping every female in the place (and spilling drinks, and falling in the fountain, and, and and...). Chased a fair few out. Once he started on our table, the fun we had had laughing at his expense evaporated quite quickly.

This pub we were at was basically an outdoor patio ringed with long planted bushes and shrubs. His friends had been at one end, we were along the line at the other.

Fecker chased our girls out of the pub, where he proceeded to beg them to "pet his tie," as it was *somehow* connected to his tongue, among other such nonsense. I threw my arm around him in a brotherly, friendly manner, walked him back over to the bushes, and threw him back through the shrubbery to his mates.

About an hour later, I'm sharing a victory beer with my mates down the street. The waitress from the first place wanders in and looks like she needs a drink right quick. We of course recognize her and commiserate. She, however, is completely flummoxed as to how the man she threw out of the bar an hour ago managed to "fall sleep"/pass out inside the bushes. She didn't quite know what to do with this "bush-man" at the end of her shift, since his mates had left, so she drapped a pillowcase over his head and left him half-in the bushes for the night.

I bought all her drinks for the rest of the evening. :)
You fcuking killjoy!! You ruined a blokes night out, just because he was getting fresh with your ladies?!

Did you all gather round in a circle with "victory beers" in hand and toast " here's to me pushing another extremely drunk man in a bush". Then you all went home and played War Hammer, before cracking one out to the free ten minute preview of the XXX channel.

You're a student aren't you??
 
#15
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out loud and remove all doubt.

Oscar Wilde (I think)
 
#16
what a load of hogwash!

To the hole and beyond?

Stilts
 
#17
d.loring said:
So this evening, went out with some friends for a few beers. Unfortunately, a chav party had arrived before us and managed to drink half the cities beer. One in particular was INTENT on dancing/groping/raping every female in the place (and spilling drinks, and falling in the fountain, and, and and...). Chased a fair few out. Once he started on our table, the fun we had had laughing at his expense evaporated quite quickly.

This pub we were at was basically an outdoor patio ringed with long planted bushes and shrubs. His friends had been at one end, we were along the line at the other.

Fecker chased our girls out of the pub, where he proceeded to beg them to "pet his tie," as it was *somehow* connected to his tongue, among other such nonsense. I threw my arm around him in a brotherly, friendly manner, walked him back over to the bushes, and threw him back through the shrubbery to his mates.

About an hour later, I'm sharing a victory beer with my mates down the street. The waitress from the first place wanders in and looks like she needs a drink right quick. We of course recognize her and commiserate. She, however, is completely flummoxed as to how the man she threw out of the bar an hour ago managed to "fall sleep"/pass out inside the bushes. She didn't quite know what to do with this "bush-man" at the end of her shift, since his mates had left, so she drapped a pillowcase over his head and left him half-in the bushes for the night.

I bought all her drinks for the rest of the evening. :)
Oh!! My Hero!!

Please can you tell us more of your escapades of daring and hard as fcuk nights out!

Alternativley p!ss off!

Sorry, i didn't mean it please don't push me into a hedge.
 
#18
Major_Catastrophe said:
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out loud and remove all doubt.

Oscar Wilde (I think)
"Stop taking shite, you boring cunt. I bet your father pissed in your mother when they made you."

Arby McArby
 
#19
d.loring said:
This pub we were at was basically an outdoor patio ringed with long planted bushes and shrubs. His friends had been at one end, we were along the line at the other.
C'mon admit it, it was a play ground in your local park wasn't it? Hence the abundence of said bushes you managed to push the poor drunk man into.
 
#20
arby said:
Major_Catastrophe said:
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out loud and remove all doubt.

Oscar Wilde (I think)
"Stop taking shite, you boring cunt. I bet your father pissed in your mother when they made you."

Arby McArby
I fully expect Arby to be quoted in the years to come. Remember, you heard it here first.
 

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