Chat Up lines for beginners

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BFG 9000, Dec 21, 2003.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. 1. I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.
    2. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of those wet clothes.
    3. Nice legs'what time do they open?
    4. Do you work for the post office? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
    5. You've got 206 bones in your body. Want one more?
    6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
    7. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
    8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a big breasted bed thrasher, have you seen one?
    9. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
    10. Wanna play army? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell outta me.
    11. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
    12. You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
    13. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
    14. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
    15. If it's true we are what we eat, Then I could be you in the morning.
    16. (Look down at your crotch) Well it's not going to suck itself!.
    17. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
    18. You, me, whipped cream and handcuffs. Any questions?
    19. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
    20. My name is (name)'. remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
    21. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
    22. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
    23. I know milk does a body good, but damn, how much have you been drinking?
    24. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
    25. Do you wash your pants in Mr Sheen because I can see myself in them.

    16 is my personal favourite :)


  2. 16 as in years old?
  3. Coincidentally, that to.
  4. or....

    Q. Would you sleep with me for £10
    A. No

    Q. Would you sleep with me for £100
    A. No

    Q. Would you sleep with me for £1000
    A. No

    Q. Would you sleep with me for £10,000
    A. No

    Q. Would you sleep with me for £1 million
    A. Ooooh yes!

    Right, now we've established what you are, let's haggle over the price. :D
  5. Well well well, was out in Aldershot Saturday night and it nevers fails to make me roll my eyes walked up to me and said 'If women were bogies, I'd pick you first!'....oh oh oh and then the para who just came up and said 'Hi, I'm a paratrooper' (Well feck me I'll just drop em for you now mate shall i!)

    Come on, lets hear em...the worst chat up lines you have given...and got a result from!
  6. Hey baby , what are you doing tonight???
    i suggest you get a bath f**king stink. 8)
  7. And you copped off after a comment like that! Class! :lol:
  8. >How many men does it take to open a beer?
    >None. It should be opened when she brings it.
    >Why is a Laundrette a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    >Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
    >be able to support you.
    >Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    >It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to
    >the kitchen sink.
    >How do you know when a woman is about to say something intelligent?
    >When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
    >How do you fix a woman's watch?
    >No need: There's a clock on the oven.
    >Why do men fart more than women?
    >Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
    >If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
    >front door, who do you let in first?
    >The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
    >What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    >A woman who won't do what she's told.
    >I married a Miss Right.
    >I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    >Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
    >It's called a Wedding Cake.
    >Why do men die before their wives?
    >They want to.
    >Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
    >bald head and a beer gut and still think they're sexy.
    >In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    >Then God created Man and rested.
    >Then God created Woman.
    >Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
  9. Wasn't me that done this..honest

    a certain WelshCpl tech..RASS 1986/7 ish on stage live broadcast by BFBS,..get load of men up to use chat upline to a daily star bird..

    compere to welsh tech..ok what would you say to this lovely woman to pull her?

    Taff: turns to model and says..." how do you fancy going 50-50 on a bast**d!!!! laugh nearly swamped!!!

  10. Men are like.....Parking spots.
    The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.

    Men are like.....Copiers.
    You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

    Men are like.....Lava lamps.
    Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

    Men are like.....Bank accounts.
    Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

    Men are like.....High heels.
    They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

    :wink: two can play at that game fella
  11. This is TRUE and the chatup line worked a treat.

    The comms troops from Hereford were on an exercise in Cyprus down on Melinda? beach.

    The YofS working with them (all cammed up, sweaty but Oh so Macho) walks up to a few girls lying on the beach to ask them to "Move away please, My helicopter is coming to pick me up" Oh "and whats you number" to the blond . 5 mins later the pre arranged heli turns up followed later with the second pre arranged pickup.

    See it is true all you need is a big chopper.
  12. talking of choppers.....

    ...What's the difference between a penis and a prick?

    A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying... A prick is the bloke who owns it.

  13. Your eyes are like spanners......when I look into them my nuts tighten!

    Reasonably successful.........and got a laugh
  14. 1. I wish you were a door, then I could bang you all day and night.

    2. I may not be the best looking bloke here, but I'm the one talking to you.

    3. You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

    4. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy

    5. Wanna play army? I'II lie down and you can blow the hell outta me
  15. "It puts the fcuking lotion in the basket"

    Works every time.