Charity Muggers best put downs?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by jamboking, Dec 11, 2011.

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  1. As now it is the season of goodwill and all that bollocks I have to brave the infested streets of the city where I dwell for presents for friends and family. Upon sallying forth I find myself being
    bombarded by various bearded studenty types in jackets advertising whatever good cause that they are collecting for this week. Now i do not mind charity when the people who are collecting
    have given up their time for a good cause and will throw the odd copper their way but feel no compunction when it is someones job as it is akin to them cold calling my house trying to sell
    me some double glazing. I have come onto this forum for the best putdown i can use when they ask me next for a few moments of my time as my better half mk2 doesnt find my old reliable
    ones funny anymore.
  2. Do not make eye contact with them. Just totally ignore them.
  3. ask them if they would like to buy some raffle tickets!
  4. I find looking real hard at them as you approach and mouthing "Fuck off" works.
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  5. FDW

    FDW Old-Salt

    I was in town a couple years ago with my dear old mum when a charity mugger approached us,

    shaking his bucket and eyeing us up he said "Children with downs syndrome?"

    My mum pointed at me and quick as a flash replied "No thanks I've already got one"

    He looked absolutely dumbfounded and I burst out laughing, best response ever.
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  6. Ya nay panamyoo - Russian for I don't understand baffles them
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  7. Ak them how much they get paid
  8. A knee to the groin, head-butt as she doubles over, then a sly bit of boot for emphasis. Maybe piss in her mouth too.
  9. and where would the fun be in that?
  10. Ask them who writes their pay cheque, and then ask them how much of the take goes to that company as a % of that collected/pledged. If you don't like what you hear then call over the passers-by and explain it to them along with why you disapprove.
  11. I just lol'd...
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  12. Like the Lascars selling duvet sets, (on a beach in the south of France!) any form of contact is fatal, remember your interrogation training, don't start a conversation. Ashford seems to have an unduly high number of them.

    Best response was my old man, who answered the door at 08:30hrs on a Saturday to a brace of Jehovah's Witnesses;

    'Would you like to talk about God sir?'

    'Vot? On the Sabbeth?' In his best Kosher accent.
    They never called again.
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  13. I just smile sweetly and say "No thank you". Works a treat. Most of them don't seem to get the joke though...
  14. Command_doh

    Command_doh LE Book Reviewer

    Careful, the Advert - stasi have struck on the main page with all this charidee talk. There is a brown child actor asking for cash for Amnesty International. Wonder how much goes to 'administration fees' then?
  15. A few years back I was approached by some scratchy hippy woman from greenpeace wanting me to sign up as a permanent donor. I told her I was too busy as I had to get back to work. She asked what I did for a living. When I told her I was a land clearing contractor she told me to fuckoff.

    No sense of humour these cunts.
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