Charity Muggers best put downs?

#1
As now it is the season of goodwill and all that bollocks I have to brave the infested streets of the city where I dwell for presents for friends and family. Upon sallying forth I find myself being
bombarded by various bearded studenty types in jackets advertising whatever good cause that they are collecting for this week. Now i do not mind charity when the people who are collecting
have given up their time for a good cause and will throw the odd copper their way but feel no compunction when it is someones job as it is akin to them cold calling my house trying to sell
me some double glazing. I have come onto this forum for the best putdown i can use when they ask me next for a few moments of my time as my better half mk2 doesnt find my old reliable
ones funny anymore.
 
#2
Do not make eye contact with them. Just totally ignore them.
 
#5
I was in town a couple years ago with my dear old mum when a charity mugger approached us,

shaking his bucket and eyeing us up he said "Children with downs syndrome?"

My mum pointed at me and quick as a flash replied "No thanks I've already got one"

He looked absolutely dumbfounded and I burst out laughing, best response ever.
 
#7
Ak them how much they get paid
 
M

Mark The Convict

Guest
#8
A knee to the groin, head-butt as she doubles over, then a sly bit of boot for emphasis. Maybe piss in her mouth too.
 
#9
#10
Ask them who writes their pay cheque, and then ask them how much of the take goes to that company as a % of that collected/pledged. If you don't like what you hear then call over the passers-by and explain it to them along with why you disapprove.
 
#11
I was in town a couple years ago with my dear old mum when a charity mugger approached us,

shaking his bucket and eyeing us up he said "Children with downs syndrome?"

My mum pointed at me and quick as a flash replied "No thanks I've already got one"

He looked absolutely dumbfounded and I burst out laughing, best response ever.
I just lol'd...
 
#12
Like the Lascars selling duvet sets, (on a beach in the south of France!) any form of contact is fatal, remember your interrogation training, don't start a conversation. Ashford seems to have an unduly high number of them.

Best response was my old man, who answered the door at 08:30hrs on a Saturday to a brace of Jehovah's Witnesses;

'Would you like to talk about God sir?'

'Vot? On the Sabbeth?' In his best Kosher accent.
They never called again.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#15
A few years back I was approached by some scratchy hippy woman from greenpeace wanting me to sign up as a permanent donor. I told her I was too busy as I had to get back to work. She asked what I did for a living. When I told her I was a land clearing contractor she told me to fuckoff.

No sense of humour these cunts.
 
#16
With house callers, a simple "I'm not obliged to answer your questions" works extremely well. It's perfectly legal, pisses them off no end & they go sharpish.

Mind you, I'm as ugly as fuck, so that probably helps.
 
#17
There were loads of these types collecting in Belfast a while ago for Haiti/Pakistan/Timbuktu or whatever a while ago. My response was "While there are old age pensioners freezing to death in Northern Ireland I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT HAITI"

Effective.
 

Trans-sane

LE
Book Reviewer
#18
Got approached by one with a clip board with a very cocky "All I want is 5 minutes of your time."

Carried on walking and responded with "Sorry got terminal cancer and haven't got 5 minutes to spare."

My then g/f wasn't best impressed though...
 
#19
That's mean. Unfair. But absolutely correct. There is a whole industry out there. The Germans at last have to provide a pictoragraphic ID that proves that that they are at least purportedly part of the tsystem
 
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