I see alot of law and order rent a mob creeching on here, and was wondering how many of you have been charged with a crime, or possibly jailed either whilst serving and or post-service. With all the talk of "lock em up and shoot 'em in the face" internet hardman banter I see on Arrse, I wonder how it jibes with the raher significant number of army folk who through booze, PTSD, random pub aggro, etc, find themselves at the wrong end of a manacle or flex-cuff? Surely "support the troops" extends equally to those who f.uck up, as well?I can't think of one squaddy I know who hasn't gotten away with a drunk drive home or a barfight. So have at 'er.


I'm proud to admit that I was arrested under section 4 Public Order act for abusive language and threatening behaviour after an over excited probationer gave me a crack across the leg with his Baton and I let fly a volley of swearwords at him that would have made an Ardoyne Slapper Blush. On appearing at my local Magistrates in No2 Dress, the Magistrate (Who I later found out was an ex TAVR Major in 4 Para) listened to what the young Bobby had to say, asked me where I was serving and where I had served in Northern Ireland, slapped a 40 quid fine on me, bound me over for a year and told me to trot off. I was delighted to hear the Magistrate tell the young Bobby that he was pretty sure that had the young Bobby been at the end of a Baton strike, he probably wouldn't have thanked the person for doing so.

It didn't have much affect on my Military career, I just got shipped to the Mortar Plt and had a jolly good time there.


War Hero
I have the honour to have had, at one point, a charge sheet totalling 8 A4 pages in size. These rate from stupid things like:

Wearing a Softee Jacket so it was visible on gate sentry - 5 Days Privs
No unit flash on jacket - 3 Days Privs
Insubordination - 5 Days Privs
Incorrect No of studs in a drill boot - 3 Days Close Arrest
Females in the male accommodation - 7 Days Privs

All the way to:

Assault (Chefs who claimed they had w@nked in the range stew) - Dropped to Conduct Unbecoming -& Days Privs

Sleeping on Stag - 28 Days Jail

My 'efforts' were all achieved in the first 2 years of serving when i had far more of a bad attitude than I do now ;)


War Hero
Oh, and post 'moving to the dark side'

Stealing a 2Lt's Car and leaving it on the CO's drive - 5 Extras, 3 x handwritten letters of apology, 1 x Bunch of flowers.

Drunk mounting one of the extras for the car theft - 6 Extras


War Hero
i was demoted for going AWOL from December to the begining of March with no promotion ban, no charging of money and no jail time.

you will also be glad to hear that i have been repromoted and life is better than ever, all in less than a year!

:D happy days!

p.s. do you want me to add all of the things that i have gotten away with? becuase that would be a really long list...
Glad to see some interest in this. (read:honesty) Hard to believe that 350 + pers who read this had no tales to tell. Unfortunately I've had a couple of run-ins since leaving, the worst being an assault on a jerk who was stalking (and had previously assaulted) a female friend. i admitted it to the cops immediately, and was given feckall for it. (6 mos. probation, conditional discharge). Add in a couple of drunken misciefs and that's my "criminal " history summed up. Must say I served 21 days in a county lock-up on a mischief because I wouldnt agree to the probation conditions. 2000 hrs. curfew for a 25 y/o man is not on. it was alot like barracks life, with less to do and no saluting. Will not be going back, though.. that's for sure.


No bar fights, but once rode a mate's hired bike back to camp for him, because everyone else was too bladdered and consensus was that I was most likely to get away with it. They were right, but it was only once under way that I realised that I could barely stand, let alone ride. Never again.


Book Reviewer
£500 Caught out of bounds (it went up £100 every time someone got caught) in a females room by a female officer
Probably wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't said "ah your back for more" as the door handle turned cue angry officer and female Cpl p1ssing herself behind her

3 days jankers late for work a few of us got charged everyone got off exept me and my escort who also ended up with three days
He started laughing this set me off which set off everybody else
Nobody could march us out once I accepted the 'award' we looked at the Sgt who pointed at the door and off we went
Then the Sgt went back in much shouting was heard and then he appeared with the words "sorry Eddie"
Charged him and then we ended up on jankers together

Smashed my motor up in Cyprus fukced off as we'd had a few got lifted by the SBA police in a bar
Passed the breath test because the SBA police stopped it
Appeared in court and the judge asked where my lawyer was said I didn't have one
Judge told me I was in serious trouble best get on and he would see me in two weeks
Got a lawyer (mil legal team) turned back up in court loads of lads there judge and legal team going through stuff like a train
Walked away with a £200 fine (had a grand in me pocket) paid it there and then
Left the court as lawyer dissapeared in a cloud of dust
Turned the radio on police hunting for 3 RGJ and a tour rep ........Cheers lads....

Got away with
Over a period of 1 week on guard 4 of us stripped the lead of the Garage roofs on the patch 2 working two wandering round
In the landrover and back to a mates car and on to a scrappy

Took a TM and drag load of pallets back to Stafford - supply bod said he didn't want them signed the paperwork took them to the services and flogged them
Did that for about 3 weeks solid

Got a few though there does appear to be a disturrbing patternof drink,women cars and just youthful exuberance


I took a four day easter break when everyone had booked 3 days (honest I thought it was four days). Went into the SSM to get my punishment only to be told to f*ck off there's a war on. The Falklands had kick off, the staffy was well p*ssed off and sh*t on me with extra duties all the way down there. I wished I had gone back in and demanded the SSM give me the appropriate rop.
Charged with murder in NI.Went to see the Stipe in Belfast,supported by an MoD provided QC(who later became Attorney General).No case to answer.It appeared to be a row between military and RUC,as to who was in charge.Clearly The Army was!


War Hero
roadster280 said:
Note he only says one boot. If he'd had his studs wrong on both boots, he'd be swinging from a rope, it seems!

he wasnt picked up for having the wrong amount of studs in the said boot, it was that he wasnt wearing the other one! :D

only wearing one boot explains the lack of studs perfectly ;)


War Hero
I had 9 charges in 9 years, the usual stuff, young lad in germany and copious amounts of alcohol.

The memorable ones...5 extra's for " borrowing " a 432 to drive to the nudist lake for a letch....REME's had nipped a coolant pipe when dropping the pack in after a lift....the build up of pressure caused the pack to explode, lifting all the studs out of the mounting....I should have been screwed for that one...

Visiting the wife to be at the QEMH in Woolwich, where I had only just been posted out, I had a piece of pork pie in the dining hall while chatting to chef mate.....Welsh knacker of an ord sgt stuck me in front of the razman, who forwarded 252 paperwork to Germany. I was offered a £150 fine and a 6 month promotion ban or to go in front of the Colonel charged with FRAUD....totally fecked over...

Marriage reined me in and I almost became a model soldier..but not quite hehehe

I still managed to do the 22 and get the LS&GC.....15 years of undetected crime.
zub, does your handle mean " brown teeth" kin some slavic lingo?
Most of my jail-time was served during basic, but then it was the Scottish Division Depot. I think it was part of the syllabus. I got jailed once for having snow on my Glengarry, despite having been stood outside in winter.

The only run-in with civpol I can remember (for a given value of 'remember') was being taken into custody overnight and later released with a caution for public drunkenness and indecent exposure while streaking from the Strathclyde University Union to George Square wearing a Star Wars stormtrooper mask and trainers.

Odd thing was at the time I didn't know anybody at Strathclyde University.


Only time I was charged was for 'failing to attend a church parade' fined £3 so no pay for two weeks :cry: :cry: Bramcote JLRRA '71

So later when I joined the TA it was as an Atheist :D :D

Lucky I didn't get caught for the ice cream/cookhouse/midnight thing :roll:
15 days in the hotel on camp under section 70
7 days rops under sect 69 (punched a civvy in wool near bovvy and only got rops, very lucky)
charge admonished when the badge got my regt no wrong and i didnt notice untill in front of the old man
Charged by the civil police with 9 counts of abh and 1 count of gbh all got dropped 3 days before court date and as i hadnt told the army ( i was hoping it would go away) i was feeling very lucky
Got my LS&GC as well although all who know dont know how the fu*k i got that, come to think of it neither do I. 8O :D :wink:


War Hero
Aunty Stella said:
muhandis89 said:
Charged with murder in NI.

Fcuk me!

I was going to harp on about my many and varied charges, bustings and jail time, but I doubt that anything could actually top Muhandis!

Seconded, I thought I was pretty well on for any awards on this thread due to the depth of my practical knowledge on the subject.

Can't top murder though......
I only ever got charged once and it was for pissing on a lance-jacks door when I was a full screw. He had locked himself in to escape a well deserved shoeing for being a complete and utter c unt. When asked I said not guilty but got fined ten quid or something anyway. But the SSM wasnt happy with that (he was a a f good bloke and that fact that the OC found me guilty pissed him off) and so later the same day I found myself in front of the CO. Since it was was the lance-jack who made the complaint and was the only witness, the CO threw the charge out, saying "this is ridiculous, lance corporals cant go around charging corporals, whatever next". Apart from that I had a life of undetected crime and at one stage when I was doing old range clearance in North Wales, I was using my 4 tonner to ship fresh Welsh lamb by the half ton from the Trawsfynnd area to Hampshire / Surrey. I made a mint and my customers got a baagain. The Welsh farmers were happy too, they got paid in tax free cash, look you.
Then I got the job of "renovating" an old army quarters patch near Canterbury for NI training. Every house had a lovely copper water tank. We had the lot away, flattened them down and loaded the truck with them along with a ton of cast iron Victorian sash window weights . Drove to the scrap yard weighbridge with the scrap and me and the ten lads aboard the truck and got weighed. Drove into the yard, unloaded the truck and marched the lads out whilst the empty truck got weighed again. We got paid the difference in the going rate for copper scrap. Dont know how I got away with it, should have thrown me brass neck in for good measure. As Gen Spacie said when he pinned the LSGC on me in Stanley some years later "I know this medal isnt deserved - well done for not getting caught".

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