"Changing Rooms" - the Officers MQ

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by SpeckledJim, Oct 28, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Life is fairly straight forward for us guys. We do what we have to do, and as long as there are beers in the fridge and some grub in the kitchen, we're basically happy. I have no idea about furniture, interiors, trimmings or anything like that. In fact, I'd be hard pressed to describe the furniture that we do have. I know we have a sofa because I sit on it most nights and I think it’s white because the 'ole domestic COS is always moaning how easily it stains. So it was a real eye opener when "she who must be obeyed" started lecturing me about how our furniture etc didn't "fit-in"! Fit-in, what the hell is that about? It all came through the front door, so it must fit in. It seems that now we are on the Officers patch, we'll have to conform to a style of interior design that you'll never see in a magazine or on one of those naff TV programmes. Things like mis-matching sofa and chairs, numerous side table and lamps (none matching of course), numerous framed (none matching!) pictures of children, parents, pets and odd looking people who they've probably never met. No TV in the living room, or a small B&W one at a push, a bookcase or two (but not containing Sven Hassell classics!), non-issue curtains (handmade preferably) and of course a sprinkling of appropriate magazines (well thumbed to give the impression that someone actually reads them) on the coffee table. I'm sure that there are other "combat indicators" that tell you you've entered an Officers MQ - the "trouble and strife" needs to know them ASAP, it’s her turn to host the next coffee morning!!!!!! As for me, I'm volunteering for TELIC!!
  2. Oh b0ll0cks

    What is a poor (really really poor) subbie to do.

    I am getting married in Jan and will be moving to the patch.......................... having read speckledjims' post I am now very worried, especially as I am going away in Mar - I just know all my money will have gone on tasteful sofas with a matching dish washer or whatever by the time I get back.

    Help me

  3. napier

    napier LE Moderator Reviewer

    Always good to go somewhere unpleasant for a few months, imagining the bank account getting nice and healthy, then returning to an overdraft and a house full of 'essentials'
  4. oh blimey!! first off slap the missus and tell her to get a life :lol: if you like the way your house is then thats all that matters .. NOT what other people think! If they come round and only comment on the furnishings then boolocks to em, dont have them back. They are obviously tossers who have no interest in peopl themselves - just whether or not they are better in a materialistic way to you.

    We had some families officer come to our MQ in Germany and he was a right tw4t ... very patronising to the lower ranks and me being married to an SAC at the time, with a baby AND pregnant again - 13mths between the 2 brats, you do the maths ;) - you can imagine how he looked down his nose at me.

    Well needless to say the tosser walked into the lounge to see pictures from the V&A on the wall, and gorgeous oak furniture and the likes. Yes, our lounge looked posh :lol: COmmenting on the pictures I said oh yes, a perk of working there for almost 3yrs. Oh really and what did you do there? he says in his "must have been working the tills" voice.

    Me? Oh I was the PA to the Head of Finance!

    hahahahaha wiped the ruddy floor clean with him. He then made his second fatal mistake and said - again, in a very surprised tone - goodness dont you have nice furniture!

    To which I replied - yes, we have very high standards, so glad you lesser souls are able to appreciate fine furnishings when you so obviously dont live with them yourself!

  5. Do quarters still come furnished in that wonderful flower pattern g plan furniture, ISTR that the only good bit of mq furniture was the table
  6. nah the flowery covers are optional mate - we had combat furniture when first married cos no bugger told us you could get covers 8O

    The bookcases are cracking pieces of furniture as is the dining table that wasnt on ur inventory :twisted: and the 6 chairs, the ironing board, 5 bedside tables and 2 stairgates!

    almost 13yrs on and all still going strong!

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  7. The issue chairs, easy in my room looks as if it is covered in material made from geriatric ladies dresses. There is a faint whiff of p*ss and biscuits about it, too.

    As for Speckled Jim, he will need to make sure the Le Crueset pans are visible in the kitchen. Acquire an apron from the Aga shop to give the impression that this is what you'd rather be cooking on. Place several pairs of green wellingtons near the back door; Hunters are good, Le Chameau better. In the hall, ensure that an elderly and tattered Barbour is obvious, a dog lead dangling nonchalantly from one pocket, Volvo or Merc keys from the other. The lavatory should contain a plentiful supply of suitable magazines e.g. The Field or Country Life; with the latter turning down the corner of one or two pages containing ads for hideously expensive houses will give visitors something to think about.

    The final touch, of course, is a badly-behaved black labrador, preferably moulting and with outrageous flatulence.
  8. Feck and double feck. We're now the proud owners of a set of Burberry patterned mugs!! Mrs SJ thought they were just the thing after seeing them in Blackbush Market!! I managed to "relocate" them before the said coffee morning and borrow some "Polish Pottery" coffee mugs, which went down a treat. Spurred on by her "success"(?), she is now planning a supper night! M&S here we come!
  9. Speckled Jim - don't worry too much, my MQ is in dog-order, two hyperactive kids and an expectant mrs chaos means that I am trying to keep on top of cooking, washing up, ironing, washing and cleaning in addition to working and having secondary duties as well. Good job that by and large the occupants of my road are a bunch of ignorant tw@ts that do not have anything to do with their neighbours. Coffee morning, my arrse.
    p.s. Mrs Chaos so impressed with G1098 furniture and floral granny's dress curtains along with kitchen that is cutting edge of 1960s decor that we are moving to a private house.
    As for black labs that are uncontrollable - there are several in our road, most of them roam free during the day and sh!t in my garden - very nice in the summer when the kids are playing in the garden - toxoplasmosis anyone.

    Rant over, sorry, got a bit carried away, but am posting it anyway - guess my contribution would be that irrespective of rank, be yourself, don't go all Llewellyn-Bowen if you are happy with the G1098 - quote Cpl Steiner to Capt Stransky - "A man is generally what he feels himself to be"
  10. Most army furniture is gash, but if your missus (or yourself!!) is about to drop a sprog into the world, put in for the DHE high chair, playpen and 2 stair gates, they are top notch bits of kit (DHE hardly wants to be in the papers with a 'Baby chokes to death on cheapest on the market shite kit issued by the Army' headline).
    Also, you dont have to give it back at the end and if you do, it can be in rag order because due to Health and Safety it cant be re-issued to anyone else and is therefore binned.


    Garage roof leaking? then you dont have to pay rent for it!! A very close rellie of mine has just moved jobs and previously was very high up in the world of all things DHE, he told me this, my garage and neighbours on both sides has leaking garage roofs, a phone call to DHE saying it leaks and I shouldnt be paying for it, reply that thats not how it works, me saying yes it is, reply we'll look in to it, 1 month later rent stopped and the rent I'd paid was repaid back to me. Bonus!
  11. DHE dont issue furniture the army do and yes you can get rent refunded on leaking garage roofs, does the roof leak on your quarter as well ? :wink: :wink:
  12. My quarter looks like a youth club. The dizzy heights of staff college doesn't seem to have bestowed any new taste upon me.

    Most of my furniture is from Ikea, I have the biggest TV I could afford and my Playstation 2 lives right beside it.

    I am very comfortable, happy and couldn't give a hoot about others' impressions of me.

    There are some very well-to-do couples on the patch with some very nice furniture. Bully for them.
  13. picky picky, although I got my high chair via the DHE at Sandbags. theyre all the same bunch of clowns at the end of the day :roll:
  14. Rubbish! Its BARRACK STORES who issue the furniture! :roll: And they are civvies who work there.
  15. ok :lol:

    but it still aint DHE, which by the way went 12 months ago when it joined DE and it will soon be shutting most of the offices.