Chain email: USAF student pilot

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by crabtastic, Jun 20, 2012.

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  1. I'm sure this email has already made its way 3/4 of the way around NATO by now and is well on its way to becoming career kryptonite for the young officer in question, I'm sure those of you without an MoD email address would like to share the joke:

    MEMORANDUM FOR 47 OSS/OSTA



    FROM: 2d Lt Rafael Kessler



    SUBJECT: Autobiography



    1. I’m Raf Kessler, from a western suburb of Always Sunny Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.



    2. Attended USAFA, class of 2011. No prior service but am an eagle scout which may as well have been a preparation program for the Academy. In life, I’m a doer. I make things happen. In my spare time I run my 4 mile loop each day on base, mountain bike, ride my motorcycle, and really enjoy learning about physics and the tech of tomorrow. I’m definitely not the type to sit still. I like to absorb the world around me. I'd rather walk than drive. I’m always giving off a positive air to those around me



    3. I am single.



    4. For my AF career plans I envision flying as long as I can and hopefully one day working my way to the level of squadron commander and beyond. I enjoy talking with people, so the higher up the position, the more at home I’ll be with the job. I know enough about the civilian world to know that the caliber of people we work with in the Air Force is way beyond that of the standard burger flipping pothead my age in the civilian world. I like the responsibility, the travel (eventually), and the hard working people. I will do everything in my power to get a fighter. I’d like a Raptor. Why am I so set on a fighter? Simple. I was born for it. I’ve had the dream of flying a fighter since I was six and my daddy took me up in a Cessna 150 and we were in the pattern with two guard F-16s. They did some missed approaches directly over us as we were on our landing rollout. On the spot I said to myself, “That is for me.” My mindset since I was a toddler has been a fast paced, decisive, jump-right-in way of thinking. I have always had a knack for doing many things at once, and doing them well. I don’t dread going to the gym, in fact I love to work out, and each time I do I ponder how those same reps could help me stay conscious for that 9g dogfight I may be in with an Iranian/whoever MiG someday. Driving my car down the road I make it a point to drive not at 31 mph, I peg the speedometer on 30 mph because my ability to be precise and still look out the window and enjoy the day gives me a sense of accomplishment. I’m a calculated, precise, and confident dude. That’s my mindset, and that’s why I believe I shall fly a fighter. It’s me. Now just let me prove it to you. Thanks for your time.



    RAFAEL KESSLER, 2LT, USAF

    47 FTW Student Pilot
     
  2. Hmmmn. Just a bit of puppyish enthusiasm. He has the excuse of being a Septic, unlike that Junior Officers' Reading Club prat who single handedly set back the impression of what an Army Officer is & does by approximately sixty years with his Brideshead Revisited meets What I Did On CCF Camp as a stream of consciousness effort.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  3. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    In the early days of the wide-eyed web and electronic mail there was the Alaskan Assassin.

    This young trainee fighter pilot (call sign ALASKAN ASSASSIN, hereinafter AA cos I am fed up typing it already) was training on F16s. On the course was a fit young woman. They had this new-fangled electronic mail thingamabob and AA decided to express his undying lurve for this young pilot and would she care to join him on a run ashore (or whatever the Septic Crabs call it) this evening?

    Not only did she rebuff it, she forwarded it to the rest of the course. In modern parlance, it went viral.

    I got the email in the late 90s, by which time it had must have been churning for some four years. In reality, when you finally scrolled through all the pages and pages of "forward-to"s, the original email was as no funnier than the comments that went with it. With email not as all-pervading as it is now, the forward-to lists were a who's-who of most of the western governments and military departments (I especially remember a New Zealand Department of Defence or whatever they called themselves address.

    The frightening thing was that if there were say ten on the course and each had forwarded it, after this many generations, how many people worldwide had AA made a fool of himself before?

    Of course if you do that these days, it's pay dirt for the cyber underworld. I have in recent times tried to find reference to The Alaskan Assassin without success. By now he's probably an Air Force General.
     
  4. Massive forwards deleted - this the one you mean?

    -----Original Message----- From: Kolden, Christian, C4C, CS34 Sent: Monday, September 27, 1999 6:56 PM To: Schatte, Laura, C4C, CS35 Subject: The alaskan assasin > Laura, Hey what's up dreamuffin. I know you probably didn't expect to get an email from me, but I heard you and shamess broke up, so I am going to move in for the kill. A hall is showing some movies this weekend and if you are interested we could hook up for some cheeseburgers and pizza. Me and max got in a fight over you the other night and I kicked his ass. So just come on over and I'll tutor you in calc. If your love was a grain of sand, my love would be a universe of beaches. So just email me back if you've been thinking about me or just talk to me in class. I know that I am not that good in math but I know the equation of love. It equals you plus me . You complete me. You had me at hello the first time me and you met. Areyou tired girl cause you have been running through my head all day. Bye and I hope you have a good air force night studying. With love, Christian Kolden ( The Alaskan Assasin)
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  5. Feck me, he even nicked lines from Jerry McGuire!