Celluloid cold shoulder

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by spaz, Mar 29, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. No longer content with merely dripping about the lack of medals awarded to Cold War Warriors one fine chap has taken it a step further. The latest issue of Soldier magazine has a letter on p.67 from one Tony Levy ex-R Signals crying that there are no war films recognising his efforts.

    "...quietly and without fuss I and many others held back the mighty Russian bear behind its post-war borders.

    From the Baltic to the Adriatic, the soldiers and airmen of NATO stood their ground with stoic determination and solid resolve in the hope that we could repel any Russian invasion.

    Not one film producer or director has documented the efforts of the 100,000 plus men and women who held back the Red menace. Nor have I seen any mention in the international press of the months spent in the field on exercise in all weathers - from the snowy wastes of Norway to the semi-deserts of Sardinia.

    I am just one of many who, on leaving the Army, has gone without recognition because I did not fire a shot in anger or receive a medal.

    Now that the demise of the Warsaw pact is consigned to history, it is time our story is told.

    We did our bit and the world should know how we helped, in no small way, to bring down the Berlin Wall"

    I think he may have a point (ignoring the countless Cold War films that actually exist) let's give this man the recognition he deserves. I've come up with a rough premise for a screenplay but it needs padding out a bit.

    So far I've got Sig Levy stagging on a radio in a freezing 9x9 for ages and ages with snot dribbling down his crap 80's tache.
  2. Suffering from a lack of any spares from the QM as they...

    1. Went down on the Atlantic Conveyor andor 2. The BFOFAD.
  3. And, when he wasn't on duty, lying face down in a gutter being ill after a weekend on the booze.
  4. Ahh, but Sig Levy being a true Cold War warrior was an expert in; going on exercise loaded to the gunnels with "yellow handbags", drink driving, being a barrack room lawyer, having single accommodation which reeked of stale cigarettes and dried sperm, and the only medal he possesed was a Gold Medal in being a cnut.

    I sh1t 'em..................
  5. You don't know man, you weren't there! :crazy: :crying:

    How about the hours wiled away w*nking on site guard, that must have about half an hours worth of coverage.

    Be sure and have the harrowing scene where he, with no concern for his safety, packed his clean grollies in his crash out kit but, and this is how crazy it got back then, left his socks out to 'save space'..................Jesus the horror.

    'Held back the Red Menace'???? 8O F*ck Off!! It was a struggle to hold the contents of my stomach due to the obscene amounts of booze but thats about it. Not sure that would make a decent film, unless it's about the dangers of binge drinking.

    Having been 'fortunate' enough to rack up a healthy medal collection myself, during the late 80's, 90's and 00's I think Sig Levy should shut his dozy cake 'ole and accept the fact that he probably served in a time when it was actually a lot of fun to be in and not moan that he didn't get to go through the sh*t going on these days.

    Cold War medal...........suck my b*lls, wouldn't want it if I was given it (well, perhaps another one wouldn't hurt before I go :eek: )

  6. I think this guy (Tony Levy) needs to start squeezing a few squash balls to build up his arm muscles – ‘cause he has certainly lost grip of reality!

    The lack of Russians comming over the hill had fcuk all to do with you and your mates staging on in West Germany! It was all to do with MAD.

    “Take one step towards the West Rusky, and we’ll hit you with the chemical weapons we say that we don’t have and then if that doesn’t work we'll nuke the whole planet!”
  7. What a cheeser...the plot though has promise, I'd watch a film full of alcoholic tachioed men in ill fitting jeans fighting with Turks and humping fat pigs.

    I think everyone with less than 2 medals who got out before 1991 should line up at the Cenotaph in red underpants and flying goggles repeating the line 'iwasntarealsoldiercosididnotgotowar' over and over again whilst a war thirsty troop of grunts throw rotten fruit at them..

  8. STOP!!!!!

    This film can't be made.

    He's Royal Sigs anything he has done will be, at least, classified.

  9. I've been thinking the role of Sig Levy should go to that punter from the LOAC video who tries to bum the farm girl, the one with the shit tache, tactical roly stained teeth and half a Bedford camnet attached to his tinpisser.
  10. It could start with,

    First scene.

    Rain drumming off a cobbled road, in a grey misty and obviously foreign town (as per scenes from Pvt Ryan), say Munster Germany.

    A young, slightly mal nourished 19 yr old with a crew cut (cause we had them in those days whether we wanted it or not), stands nervously outside a forbidding looking 19th century Bks, in his jeans, Dr M shoes and green bomber jkt.

    A fat, red faced Provo Sgt, who couldn't spell Provo, even though its written on his arm, see's the young fresh faced squaddie and immediately launches into a tirade of late 1980's abuse (similar to scenes from Ahes to Ashes), most taken from Full Metal Jkt as that is the film of the moment, much to the amusement of some and disgust of other army wives, replete in Bn sweatshirts, ron hills and white stilletoes.

    The young soldier braces up, stares past the Provo Sgts left shoulder as he is subjected to questioning...'why ain't you in shirt and tie c~nt, and is that the devils cloth you are wearing, did you not receive joining instructions and dress standards blah blah.........

    Cut to young soldier being taken down town to the local hot spots, lots of scenes of drunkenness, fights with the locals and or other units, shagging German birds or the girls from the comcen, jumping out of the WRAC block 2nd storey window as the BOO came to find where the prowler guard where,

    Scenes of hiding in woods in Germany, or standing patiently in full NBC kit to get served in a local German shop on exercise as the gas alarm had gone off, and no way where you losing your place in the queue

    I think we have a starter.....................Soldier, Soldier how it really was.
  11. I genuinely misread the title and thought the thread would be about women so fat they develop cellulite on their shoulders, which perhaps has a freezing effect on them?

    I had better go for a lie down.
  12. With stoic determination?

    Or just on your own?
  13. ........................ the picture fades out and back up to to reveal Pte RTC picking his nose whilst stood in a half arsed trench by the bridge at Hessich Oldendorf in the crisp September morning air.

    "Wokka, Wokka, Wokka..." a Puma appears complete with orange panel

    Heroic Pte RTC opens up with the GPMG. "Take that Ivan" he thinks as he fires two blank rounds before getting a stoppage.

    The Puma disappears, the pilot oblivious to the hail of pretend leaden death he has just faced.

    "Well done son" calls the hovering DS, "That's a kill".

    Pte RTC smirks, well pleased with his morning's work, and disappears into pub by the bridge for comfy crap whilst clutching a precious grot mag.

    Camera fades again to the next scene of this growing epic ....................
  14. You promised you wouldn't divulge that, it was my first night out after all.
  15. Just on my own. The current potential to be Mrs Albertous doesn't have any cellulite, but then she is 9 years younger than me. I was hoping to research what could happen if she traps me and then does an Italian, i.e. goes from the svelte gorgeous woman she is to 25 stone husband batterer complete with cellulite on the shoulders.