Celebs you would love to give the good news to??

#1
I have a list of celebs that if i see them poncing around the town, i would go out of my way to initiate a conversation, then drop them! I have an urge to kick the shite out of celebs who have offended me or others in some way?
Is this wrong?

The list so far:

1, Noel Gallagher (thought that one was obvious)
2, Liam Gallagher (same gene pool)
3, Jamie Oliver (not sure why but i know he grips my shite)
4, Will Young (talentless prick who covers songs which i take
offence to)
5, Elton John (death of Diana being a sad event, he rehashed a
shite song originally for M, Monroe, granted he didnt
make profit but the song did him ok in the long run, if
she was that special maybe he could have penned
something new and not second hand, plick)
6, John Leslie (he is a tall fecker and trod on my foot once and didnt
apologise the plick)

Any others im sure there is bloody hundreds?



troop
 
#2
Orlando Bloom... get your filthy paws off Kirsten Dunst, you bloody sissy Elf!
Paris Hilton... obnoxious by any standard (it is wrong to hit women but a God given right to smack b¡tches up)
Michael Jackson... ditto
David Beckham... ditto

ps: edited for spelling
 
#3
Dane Bowers for stealing my records from a nightclub (not joking), fat c_unt deserves to be shot. There's loads of reasons to shoot him, but my personal reason is good enough.

Echo Noel & Jamie Oliver - he should be choked to death with his fat tongue.

Lily Allen for her song writing disability; how many times can you put 'lalalalala' into different songs.

Robbie Williams for being vastly irritating.

I could go on all day...
 
#4
i'd love Paris to come up to me and ask "how about we go to my hotel room?", with I-want-you-now written across her face...

so i could say "nah... thanks..."
 
#5
For me it would be:

1. Tony Bliar
2. Fat cnut Prescott
3. Anyone that smokes Hamlets
4. The little tw@t that runs Formula 1
5. Country and Western singers, cept Dolly Parton
 
#6
Anyone who has appeared in Heat Magazine!

And those Kim and Aggie bints off "How clean is your pitspace".

Brian fckin Sewell - pretentious tw@t!
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#7
Its_a_troop!! said:
5, Elton John (death of Diana being a sad event, he rehashed a
shite song originally for M, Monroe, granted he didnt
make profit but the song did him ok in the long run, if
she was that special maybe he could have penned
something new and not second hand, plick)
Yeah, then the lazy b@stard used the same tune for "Sandals in the bin", his moving tribute to Mother Theresa.

Julian Clary and Graham Norton. We kinda sussed you're gay, so leave it out with "I've had a security light installed up my back passage" b0llocks evry other sentence.
 
#8
Proper_Gander said:
i'd love Paris to come up to me and ask "how about we go to my hotel room?", with I-want-you-now written across her face...

so i could say "nah... thanks..."
Fecking hom. What kinda squaddie would turn down the chance to sodomise a reasonably attractive blonde millionaire? :hump:
 
#9
Any big brother contestant, and kerry katona and those fecking irritating iceland ads, although if you looked very closely last year at one of the christmas ones im sure you could see a bit'o'wab, despite the fact they're plastic. Talking about plastic, michael jackson, theres a comedy subject for us all to ridicule, I wouldn't give him the good news though, just chuck him in the back blast of a GR4 on afterburner and let it take its course, then pick up the remains and mould them into a baseball bat with which to give Liam , jamie, that fem mentalist janet street porter and also the lezzo jenny eclair the good news.
 
#10
Alistair Fu.cking Stewart from the Local London News.

Fu.cking drink driving cu.nt has the audacity to preach to the rest of the world via shows like Police, Camera, Action.

His manner on the News just makes me want to put on a pair of drill boots and mark time on his fingers for a whole morning.

And that Jonathan Maitland ponce. He's another one who tells us stuff we already know in that very faux authoritative tone.

I want the News, not your opinions, you pair of flaps.
 
#11
Craig Fcuking Bell(end)amy Fcuking Welsh Rednose cnut.
He has a face that you would not ever get tired of punching. I hope he goes down for hitting those two birds.

Ken Livingstone. Give me strength, the whining nasally shithouse.
 
#12
Barry Scott (from the Cillit Bang advert)

Gary Rhodes. Nobhead.

Ken Livingstone, for basically being a nonce.

That bloke out of Casualty - Kwame something - for thinking he is a 'serious actor' and speaking like his battery is running down.
 
#13
Oh and that bloke with Tourettes that won big brother.
Why do all the contestants feel the need to stick their tongue right out? Is it on a cue card or something?
 
#14
Social_Handgrenade said:
Proper_Gander said:
i'd love Paris to come up to me and ask "how about we go to my hotel room?", with I-want-you-now written across her face...

so i could say "nah... thanks..."
Fecking hom. What kinda squaddie would turn down the chance to sodomise a reasonably attractive blonde millionaire? :hump:
you know women... she'd want me even more :roll: :wink:
 
#15
JK from Jamiroquai.

I saw some film of him once, leaving a nightclub with the ubiquitous leggy blonde. He hops in his car and tries to drive off, but is stopped by a throng of paparazzi (looking for a real celeb, no doubt).

Out he hops and starts banging on about how they've scratched his car and he's going to sue, get them sacked, arrested, etc. Naturally he picks on the shortest, fattest, middle-aged journo,who only just toddled over puffing like a whale when the shouting started.

Journoflub tries to shake it off, "not-me-mate"ing until JK pushes him in the chest.

At which point Journoflub sticks the head in.

JK goes down like a Portsmouth girl on payday, bodyguards fly in from all direction, dragging Journoflub off. JK then pops to his feet with blood p*ssing down his face and starts yelling how lucky all the photographers were his BGs were there or he'd have 'em all.

The look of bored contempt of the blonde's face was priceless. Bet he got to ride her that night, though... There's no justice.

Talentless shortarrse twat.
 
#16
Dean Gaffney - For just being him
Both the Gallaghers - Gobsh1te Manc Tw@ts
Jamie Oliver - Mockney Tw@t
Donald Trump - Ridiculous Hair Piece
Louis Walsh - Be a man for god's sake
I could go on!!
 
#18
Agree with smart as carrots - Jk is a Kn0b.

I remember he got filled in on a ferry once. Just as he was getting big in the charts, decided he was not waiting in the Q at the bar and strolled up to the front like he owned the place.

One of our LCpl's tells him to get to the end to which he replied "dont you know who i am" LCpl just stuck the head straight on him and down he went - result.

The little tit never got a drink that night. Deep joy
 
#19
Jeremy Clarkson. Id like to drag him behind my 'bike for a few miles alnong a particularly gravelly road, TW*T.

And Mr and Mrs B Liar. They should die really.
 
#20
All of the above plus Anne Robinson - you're neither scary nor funny; every presenter of the ubiquitous interactive late night quiz shows - you're all thick as pig shiiiiit and twice as nasty. And you'll never get past the 'Z' list; Huw Edwards - you self-satisfied twaaaaaaaaat!
 

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