Celebrity Culling anyone?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Degenerate, Nov 17, 2007.

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  1. It seems these days that theres way too many "celebrities" on the go and far too many of them are famous for no apparent reason. Others are just irritating on a truly mind boggling scale. Some may call me curmudgeonly, sour, cynical or merely old fashioned. So in keeping with the trend for shows like celebrity big brother etc why not a new show where lucky members of the public get the chance to select appropriate modes of death for the celebrity of their choice and carry out said sentence on live TV. I have added a few choice names already and will update the list as I remember who I find to be a true waste of oxygen. Suggestions are welcome.

    Paris Hilton........Guillotine

    Beckham and his missus (who is about as posh as old man Steptoe)......... Dragged at the end of a rope behind a car around a rally course.

    All other overpaid footballers and their annoying wives..........coralled on a football pitch with mortar bombs raining down

    All big brother contestants past and present.........Used as test subjects for the latest new improved formula of NAPALM. I exempt Jade Goody from this sentence as I am wracking my brain for a really harsh fate for the fat hog. Suggestions welcome.

    Noel Edmonds........Strangled with his own intestines.

    Alan Sugar.........Drowned in a vat of liquid shite.

    Margaret Thatcher........Thrown into a blast furnace.

    The duo known as "Ant and Dec".......Their yapping tongues torn from their heads with a pair of rusty pliers then throw the mercifully speechless geordie wankers into a pit full of starving dogs.

    Esther Rantzen........Lowered slowly into a vat of highly concentrated acid...feet first.

    Pete Docherty........what can I say.......skinned alive slowly while liberal amounts of vinegar and lemon juice are applied to the areas already de-skinned. Then thrown in the starving dog pit already used for "Ant and Dec" I can see the dog pit being useful in future.

    Anne Robinson........Head slammed in a doorway until her eyes pop out and her brain leaks from her ears.

    Simon Cowell........forced to endure Jade Goody as a cellmate in a cage suspended above the starving dog pit until I can think of an appropriate fate for at least one of them. Again suggestions welcome.

    David Dickinson.......Stoned to death by an angry mob wielding tubs of fake tan rather than stones....So that would be tanned to death I suppose.

    The guy from the Phones 4 You adverts........all his fingers broken in several places with a brick, annoying yapping tongue torn out a la "Ant and Dec" then crucified on a phone mast atop a high building. Hope it takes him a long time to die.

    Cilla Black..........Thrown from a high building

    Jordan........concrete slippers first (with extra concrete in case all that silicon makes the gobby bint extra buoyant). Then dropped off for a swim in the worlds deepest known stretch of water (Marianas Trench might be the place).

    Jamie Oliver......hacked to death in a frenzied machette attack the next time he opens his trap (which cant be long) I personally volunteer to do the frenzied machette work. While it is a dirty job someone has to do it. The choicest cuts of Oliver will be thrown to the starving dogs firstly to keep them alive and secondly to keep Cowell and Goody from getting bored.

    George W Bush........Kidnapped and dropped off for a stroll through one of downtown Baghdads "nicer neighbourhoods". His beheading should be viewable on the internet pretty soon.
     
  2. I think you have some anger issues!!!! hahaha
     
  3. This, I like.

    I've always thought he looks like a p1ssed of version of Sid James, so I'd put him in a low budget film entitled 'Carry On - Losing your job and claiming dole' and make sure it lost money at the box office just to p1ss him off, then fire the git, then into the vat of shite.

    Force feed him with his 'cheap as' chips until he explodes, Mr Creosote style. (after all, he is the same colour as a creosoted fence) Then into the dog pit.

    You could always substitute the dogs for wild boar, a la Hannibal Lechter (sp?) in the sequel to Silence of the Lambs. Apparently they will even gobble the bones up. We wouldn't want anything to be left for some mad scientist to clone new celebrities from.
     
  4. Jeremy Kyle & Trisha Goddard - beaten to death by chavs :D
     
  5. Nicole Richie - along with her father, Lionel should be hung from a scaffolding for little kids to throw rocks at.
     
  6. Shag her to death
     

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  7. Brilliant thread. :D

    Richard Branson.... dropped from Centrepoint with a line attached only to his revolting paedo beard
     
  8. I'll volunteer, save any other poor soul from doing it.
     
  9. Tony Blair and Cherie Booth Q.C. to be brought to the Tower of London via Traitors' Gate and then to be publically beheaded on Tower Green.

    SLR (Not to be confused with SLR Boy)
     
  10. Its like you guys are reading my mind

    Paris Hilton should be force fed until she is a big fat bag of shite

    then dressed in a velure track suit and put lingin in the scummiest council estate

    that would be a slow death for her

    oh and she would also have to have a pimple translplant
     
  11. The lady in question should indeed be shagged to death, the rivived and shagged to death again.... and again.... and again...again.... and again.... and again...again.... and again.... and again...

    Anything else would be an outrage!
     
  12. No doubt about it for Trisha but surely not are Jeremy :D
     
  13. Graham Norton, Russel Brand.

    Rogered to death by the Springboks second XV accompanied by the soundtrack of 'Agadoo' by Black Lace.
     
  14. The man is a mindless tossbag who gives chavs the impression that we care about them.
     


  15. Him first FFS. :twisted:

    As an afterthought, that fcukin welsh tosser Ryhdian? off of the the X-Factor