Caught thrashing one out ??

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by mincin, Apr 20, 2005.

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  1. Now this could be a subject to end all....

    Ever been caught, trousers down and thrashing one out, one of the wrist, choking the chicken etc ???

    As a well practiced fully paid up member of this club i started at a young age as one of my mates had a much older brother who could get hold of truckfulls of grot mags. The first time I was caught I was about 14 and at home on school hols...both parents were at work so the time was perfect.

    there I was up stairs routing under my bed for 'best' porn mag and having found it spread it out on my bed so I could take in the visual delight of all those lovely ladys in their all together. I had the TV on so as any teen thrash grunt/cum noise wouldn't be heard by next door.

    Was in the middle of a heavenly summers day pull when my Dads car pulled up out side..."holy sh1te" was the cry and ran into bathroom with trollys around ankles and my uncle albert slapping back and forth across my only just make it in time

    Dad : "hello ???"
    Mincin :"...errr..yeah im in the bog"
    Dad : "Alright just poped in to get something"
    Mincin : "right..then...see ya later"

    Was he happy with that..was he feck the nosey cant ! all I could hear was hime stomping up the stairs..and my heart beating..oh and im still stroking of course !

    Along the landing and up to my CLOSED bedroom down with all the grot spread out on bed...

    Dad : "oh your watching the motor racing...who's winning ?"
    Mincin : "err not sure"

    Dad opens door and enters my bed room...well feck me..can hear him in room for a few mins and then exits shutting door behind him

    Dad : "Boy ?"
    Mincin : " yeah ?"
    Dad : "nice one son"

    And then fooks off back to work and it was never mentioned !!

    oh and yeah I did go back to my room about an hour later ..had to wait to make sure he had gone and chucked myself around for the rest of the day !!!
  2. Outstanding Tale.

    I got caught mid bash on excercise on stag...

    Cadre... Oi, what you doing..

    Moi.... Knocking one off the wrist cpl

    Cadre.... As you were. (off he fecks)

    Moi..... gnnnngnggnnnnggnngngnn

  3. I've often been caught before and after, but never during.

    Whilst on tour entering ablutions with laptop:

    Random bloke "going for a w*nk?"
    Me "Yeah".

    Or another one from the Mrs

    Her "Why have you made the bed?"
    Me "No reason".
    She throws back the covers and screams "You've W*nked in it, you disgusting sod. You didn't even clean it up".

    Brings a tear to my eye.
  4. bloke at chatham filled my brickies box up with mortar because i left it unlocked .... well , i waited and waited for my revenge on him , and eventually he fell into my trap and left his tool box unlocked (he was a fitter ) so i took all his spanners out of his box , put them in a bag and cracked one off into it and shook it up to ensure an even coating :D
  5. Had a very embarrassing moment in depot when I popped off for a quick one only to be caught by the duty NCO on a bed check, unbelievably nothing was ever said
  6. nice one fellas !!....larfin' me t"ts off !!

    where are the girls on this one !!
  7. Oh yeah. There's got to be some good ladies tales.

    We had an MTMS (Crab VM) bird attached to us, who came in looking like a ghost. Apparently, she had woken up to see the fat chef minger (looks worse than a Moody/Poppy cross breed) with her rampant rabbit.

    This chef was so rough that even I wouldn't have shagged her. But she still weighed less than Listy. :D
  8. Eh? screw you hippie!

    what makes your abouve story worse is I can just picture that little exchange in the hotel in nottingham... and Eeeeeeww..
  9. Posted this on another topic (Beware of Stray Porn) but good none the less


    Reminds me of an incident in Bessbrooks Carpet Sanger, our BC was the "Try and sneak up on the men" type. One night he and his lapdog of a BSM snck in to the Carpet Sanger only to find a switched on tom observing his arcs (BC didn't realise that "his " Ops Room were in fact Fifth Columists and would alert the sangers via intercom when BC patrols were on. Anyway, back to the story, BC, disappointed in missing out catching a slacker, decided to inspect the sanger interior and there he found tucked in behind a notice board, a rolled up Charlie One.

    BC pulls it out, unravels it only to have his hands decorated in fresh man fat, to which he utter the now legendary (well it was in my unit) phase

    "But, but, its jisim BSM"

    This BTW explains my profile location :wink:
  10. on my brothers stag do , i put one lad in with a couple of proper animals , you ashould of seen his face as i called the names off , he looke like a condemned man going to the scaffold , the two animals were already telling him how he was about to spend the weekend as their bitch , and he would need a lower colon rebuild by the time he came home.

    on meeting up on the first day he was nearly in tears.

    "what's up mate?" the lads asked full of sympathy.

    "that pair of c*nts have taken the lightbulb out of the bathroom so i have to shower with the door open , and i turned round and they both had their nobs out "

    poor f*cker didn't sleep a wink all wekend :D
  11. I used to live in Drummad Bks in Armagh and us guys from the Sig Sqn used to have to do guards at night with the Royal Irish slackers. This usually meant getting all the crap stags at night and we soon developed a dislike for them. My roomate decided one night to get them back by chucking one off and depositing his mucky water in the ear piece of the phone in the top sanger about 5 mins before his relief from the Real Irish arived. He then set an alarm ring back on the phone for about 10 mins after the new guy took over....
  12. Amazingly I've never been caught while in the act but I've come damn close.
    However, back in my spacey days, I was duty NCO one night at camp and was doing the rounds of the block prior to lights out I detected suspicious sounds coming from the gents and like a good, conscientious cadet corporal I toddled along to investigate, kicked the door a couple of times and went in to be met by a couple of rather annoyed cadets trying to conceal a state which might be described as "engorged". I just turned around and went back out, I avoided toilets near lights out for every camp thereafter.
  13. At the end of Basic, during our final Ex, I had the misfortune of sharing a shell scrape with the Section biff; as the Sect commander for that 48hrs I had to look after the retard.

    Anyway, I was in the Signals at the time so femmes were all over the place and the biff was of the female variety. All of the patrols would come back and wake me up every hour or so resulting in me getting no sleep. At about 0400hrs I was wide awake thinking of what I could do to get some shut eye. Counting sheep didnt help I'd be fecked if I was going to risk breaking no light and making a hot choccy! so what else could I do? Pulling one off seems to always work for me!

    I started shuffling one of the wrist as quiet as I could, trying to make as little movement as possible as I didnt want to wake the girly up - I thought she was asleep.....

    "what time is it?" I heard her ask.

    I froze in sheer terror, my brief life in the army flashing before my eyes! Now I had a predicament. My watch hand was straped to my cokk and the other was holding up the inside of my maggot so as not to get any unsightly smearage. Feck.

    "Errm, dunno, its early though" I replied.

    "Are you having a wankk?" she asks

    "Yes, i'm sorry" I replied.

    " Here you go, you've been nice to me" she says rolling over and reaching in to my maggot and wanks me off! Now that is how to get caught! And I was sound asleep 5 minutes after I'd shot in to my Rat Pack Kleenex!

    We ended up fukk buddies after that for the rest of Basic and for my time at Blandford before I moved cap badges.
  14. Back in the days of 2 Inf Div and 15 Inf Bde, under the reign of good King Michael of Aris, the ruler of that domain visited a certain north eastern combat support outfit on OTA. Now Brig A was always a one for opening a closed door to find out what was being hidden from him. Fresh from a triumphant wrenching open of a TAC broom cupboard the Tuesday before he arrrived in helo to inspect the boys. No girls in them days.

    As he prowled through the location he spied H2 with its tent flaps done up and pounced, expecting to find some military transgression. In fact he found the duty signaller of the off-duty CP with a lazy lob on, headset akimbo, planning his next outrage. Brig pauses, does double take and retreats sans comment. BSM flash to bang time, approximately eight seconds!!

    It was a good job he didn't come back later that evening when the GPO found said Bdr putting his old man in the mouths of sleping gunners...all this was before the days of camera phones so you'll just have to take my word for it but I was there. No, I am not Brigadier Aris, nor Bdr X!!
  15. I remember another incident in Augh-no-joy PVCP, we had one animal that liked to shock, especially if there was a sensitive soul in the centre, so he would like to have a dump or knock one out infront of the reg plate camera, quite funny sometimes it would be to see the look of terror onhis face when a car would come around the corner at 4 in the morning and he would be bathed in headlights.

    If that wasn't funny enough he once smeared his man fat all over the camera lens which made it a bit foggy and difficult to read theplates, to his credit he did try to removed it before he left but it was just too thick. After coming off stage I had heard the next detail on requested someone to come and check the camera as it was out of focus, later a little manin a little white van and a long set of ladders turned up to fix the problem. liked to see the work sheet for that job