Due to stupidity on my part and the communication crisis that abounds between me and Mrs DD, I inadvertently invited my mother and my Mother-in-law to come visit. Same day same time! After this recent episode ( http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/Forums/viewtopic/t=75882.html) in which I was womanhandled by Mrs DD, I fear I might have chewed more than I can spit. And this is why: List of characters involved in this saga: My mother- She takes no crap from no one. She has been married thrice. Has no patience for fools and the weak minded. Presumably why she almost gave me up for adoption when I was three. She absolutely dislikes me wife. Once overheard calling her "a product of ignorance and backseat lust," after which she wondered loudly for everybody in the pub to hear something about where was a gun when you really needed it. My mother-in-law- Vicious and unrepentant. She is on her fourth marriage. Current hubby suffering from symptoms consistent with arsenic poisoning. Doctor thinks he has less than six months to live, which is exactly when his pension kicks in. She has conviced him to take numerous life insurance policies that will ensure she lives a millionaire for the rest of her life. Or until she gets remarried and then she will be a multi-millionaire. She doesn't get along too well with her daughter. Most of her angst comes from the fact that she had the audacity to marry beneath her. Mrs DD- Nice girl really, if you look past the domestic violence she regularly practices on me. And the fact that she spends more than I earn. And the fact that divorce is not an option because she holds certain title deeds that would bankrupt me if she decided to go ahead and exercise her powers over me. Oh, lets not forget that I think she is "seeing" another woman. She also hates my mom and has on several occassions threathened to "get even with that sorry bitch." Me- Innocent young man caught in the middle of what I like to call a menstrual calamity. Brings to stark perspective what me old grandpa used to say: "Never ever trust an animal that can bleed for days without dying." Truer words have never been spoken. It is too late to cancel the invitations but I got the police on speed dial. I am about to go take an inventory of the first-aid kit. I have also begun hiding all the sharp object I can find around the house. My backpack is packed and ready to go at a moment's notice. I have a feeling that in the next few days, I will be thumbing for rides to the mountains, never to be seen again as I live the rest of my life fishing and hunting for my food.