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Caught a Dose, what do you tell your OH?

#1
Mrs cernunnos was "up on blocks" all last week so I quite naturally applied the capitalist principles of supply and demand and took my filthy business elswhere. I got the green light on Sunday morning from my good lady and had a traditional morning session. From the itching I now experience in my undercarriage I suspect that I have received a delivery of new "livestock" on my scrotal ranch! I assume that, since we went at it like two banshees on Sunday, some of these have migrated to her indoors.

Ok what do I tell the bitch? She won't buy the toilet seat story. The, "I tried some trousers on" story is also wearing thin. I'm tempted to do the brazen "You dirty bitch, who is he?" line.

Unfortunately my wife knows me too well!

Now As a student of human nature, I assume that I am not the only reader to have faced this most tricky of problems. There are also more serious doses to be had than co'ck-cattle.

How would/did you deal with the problem?
 
#2
Wait until she starts itching. Make sure she doesn't see you itch first.

Then go with the line "who is he?". You could also then ask her nicely if she tried on any clothing etc in shops recently.

Remember, make her feel guility (like why she's out of action just cos she's on the blob. Red wings or get a nosh a night - stupid bitch)
 
#5
Shave it all off and say you fancied trying something different. Or tell her that after a marathon drinking session the lads shaved you whilst passed out 'for a laugh'
 
#7
crabby said:
Wait until she starts itching. Make sure she doesn't see you itch first.

Then go with the line "who is he?". You could also then ask her nicely if she tried on any clothing etc in shops recently.

Remember, make her feel guility (like why she's out of action just cos she's on the blob. Red wings or get a nosh a night - stupid bitch)
Good drills, the trousers line worked once! She was a bit more naive back then. If I try that again she'll fit me up with a wrinkly scrotal bathing cap!

"Who is he?" is always good, attack is the best defence. The answer can be a bit of a chin dropper though!
 
#9
Tell her she should be grateful you've not given her AIDS. Unless you have, and then you're both fcucked anyway so it doesn't matter.

B-T
 
#11
If you're in an Infantry unit you might be able to get away with saying you caught something after a bout of "jousting" with the lads in the NAAFI one evening.
 
#12
Go for the 'toilet seat' story....If she wont buy it, invite her into any block of toilets on any camp and show her how your average pissed up squaddie manages to shit on the seat, piss all up the back/wall/floor, and leave pubes/scratchings everywhere....

After seeing that, she'd forgive you for almost any scrotal disease....
 
#16
It was all a poxy false alarm, put the shi'ts up me though! Ten minutes with a 10p nit comb and all I found was the Sky remote and my wifes missing earring. The itching was caused by new fabric softener. One of the nippers started itching as well. So, the softener in the bin, the wife has been given a slap for using it and we both now clean shaven apart from one of those little Hitler moustaches.

So "Carry on normal jogging!"

Normal jogging, except that is for my "Other interest" who I slagged off as a "dirty poxed up whore" last week. I think that has cooled the relationship a little!

Oh yes, and thanks to the recent shave, my tackle is as itchy as a tramps vest. Any suggestions?
 
#17
"It was all a poxy false alarm, put the shi'ts up me though! Ten minutes with a 10p nit comb and all I found was the Sky remote and my wifes missing earring"

Brilliant mate, brilliant :)
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#18
cernunnos said:
It was all a poxy false alarm, put the shi'ts up me though! Ten minutes with a 10p nit comb and all I found was the Sky remote and my wifes missing earring. The itching was caused by new fabric softener. One of the nippers started itching as well. So, the softener in the bin, the wife has been given a slap for using it and we both now clean shaven apart from one of those little Hitler moustaches.

So "Carry on normal jogging!"

Normal jogging, except that is for my "Other interest" who I slagged off as a "dirty poxed up whore" last week. I think that has cooled the relationship a little!

Oh yes, and thanks to the recent shave, my tackle is as itchy as a tramps vest. Any suggestions?


Have you tried Fromage Frais?

It doesn't stop the itching but massaging it in is soooo good.
 

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