Cats in the mess!!!

Cats in the mess?

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Should officers be allowed to bring cats into the mess?
Should each mess have a cat, keep down the rat population in the germ infested sodhexo kitchen?
Sluice_dweller said:
Surley it's an Officers Mess not a zoo. Were would you draw the line? dog's, cat's, what next?

Have you ever been to a Mess function? You should be able to see a whole range of animals.


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ViroBono said:
Pussy, yes - cats, no.
Wouldn't that turn the mess into a cat house?


Cats? No, frankly, this is not a fit subject for discussion. Cats are ungrateful, spiteful, hateful, individual little SH*TS. They would only be an acceptable Mess pet for:

a. Spinsters of questionable orientation.
b. RAF aircrew.

As for keeping Sodexho rats down, few of the pampered, prissy cats owned by a and b above would be any match for a rat raised on GM foods, stale canapes and flat champagne.
What has happened to peoples sense of style?, cats ffS! :roll: The ideal mess mascot is a Capuchin monkey complete with bell-hop tunic and cap. With a little effort they can be trained to perform all manner of amusing tricks such as riding the CO's Lab, bugg*ring soft toys on the bar, and pis*ing in the punch. Trust me, a midnight raid on Marwell zoo would be well worth the risk.
Lets face it, cats don't like us. I know, I've got 2 of the ungrateful little ******* (named Fur Faced Bastard and Scrote Cat incidentally).

You don't own them, they use you as a source of food, and when the feeling takes them, warmth.

Even if someone one did take a cat into the mess (nothing against that), it would cease to be his cat when he moved. The cat would simply stay where it had the cushiest number. They're cats afterall, they're not stupid.
We discussed this at length and decided that the only use for a mog in the mess would be to challenge new subbies to lick the said cat's arrse for a bet/initiation. We even went as far as preparing scale drawings for a new piece of silver to be known as the "cat-o-lic ". This was basically a trolley/carriage that the beast could be strapped into and its tail strapped out of the way. There was then space for a cruet set as well as seperate pots for tabasco, lemon juice, dust from packets of pickled onion monster munch, swan vesta matches oh and mustard so you could ensure maximum puckering of the hoop and mog discomfort prior to the lick. The cat-o-lic could be wheeled around the table as a way of cleansing your palate before dessert.

If we got bored we would simply throw the mog on the fire/in the lake/or detonate it with a few thundies shoved up its arrse and replace with a new one.

Hope this helps

Keep us posted
No, no, no...cats are vile and must be obliterated from the face of god's green earth. If there's a rat in your kitchen (hmm, could be a hook for a song - note to self) then put the terrier in FFS. Go on boy sic em!
i think I might have to let the RSPCA loose on you lot. I like dogs, but cats are just better, they're more intelligent. They keep your bed warm and bring you gifts of rabbits!
orificecadet said:
i think I might have to let the RSPCA loose on you lot. I like dogs, but cats are just better, they're more intelligent. They keep your bed warm and bring you gifts of rabbits!
Don't you dare disagree with us, orifice cadet. I am so crusty and advanced in rank and experience that you couldn't even get a ticket to watch a debate with me, let alone take part in one. Cats are an abuse. They stick their arses in your face, like a Hamburg pole-dancer but not as enjoyably...I dispute their intelligence is greater than dogs (I presume you mean but even officer cadets would beat a cat of average intelligence) because one of them insists on coming into my garden even though the dog is stood there baying hellfire and damnation to the feline species!
Cats? Fcuk me, no! I got two to stop the missus whining about having children. Now we've got a toddler and one on the way and the mean little bstards are STILL p*ssing on the carpet!

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