Cat Burglar

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by ACAB, Aug 19, 2013.

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  1. If anyone needs a laugh today I recommend the following:

    From the Telegraph:

    In the past year, Norris has brought home items such as bits of food and dishcloths, dusters and dust mitts after a night prowling the streets of the North Street area of Bedminster in Bristol.

    But the cat's habits have intensified and he has now pinched sports bras, support pants, jumpers, T-shirts, boxer shorts and even a bath mat.

    In addition, the animal has been caught with half a pizza, an unopened tube of gravy paste and a German sausage.

    If Norris cannot get his swag through the cat flap at home, he leaves it on the mat in the backyard.

    His embarrassed owners, Richard and Sophie Windsor, believe that Norris is taking items hanging from washing lines in the local area.


    They have now written to their neighbours apologising for their thieving feline's nocturnal habits.
    Their letter says: "Dear neighbours,
    "This is a slightly embarrassing note to have to write but during his travels throughout the neighbourhood, our cat, Norris, has brought back an assortment of items.
    "Unlike most cats, Norris isn't too interested in the local wildlife but has taken to straight up theft. In some cases he's literally been there and got the T-shirt.
    "At first, when it was the odd dish cloth, it was fairly amusing, but recently his habit has intensified and we now have a growing pile of stolen goods which need returning to you good people of Bedminster.
    "We have a range of T-shirts, jumpers, slippers, socks, oven gloves, bath mats and boxers.
    "If you've 'misplaced' anything of any monetary value and would like it returned then please give us a nudge on (email) or (telephone number).
    "We'll have a dig through his growing hoard and drop them back to you.
    "Apologies if you've been affected.
    "Best wishes, Rich and Soph."
    Mr Windsor, 26, a graphic designer, told the Bristol Post: "At first it was just the odd thing, but over the last four months, he has really started to up his game.
    "So far we have been able to reunite a number of items with their owners including a towel set, some oven gloves, a bath mat, some baby clothes and some running gear.
    "Fortunately all our neighbours have been very good-natured about it and think it's funny."
    • Like Like x 2
  2. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    Okay come on then, own up, who is hanging pizza and German sausage on the washing line?

    You're in your own time, I am having salad for tea, yada yada
  3. "Fortunately all our neighbours have been very good-natured about it and think it's funny."

    They won't be laughing when the cat ups its game and starts ransacking their houses, stealing the Christmas pressies, shitting on the carpet and spraying grafitti on the walls. It's only a matter of time...


    On the other hand the cat might turn over a new leaf...


    • Like Like x 1
  4. It will only get community service anyway!
  5. It wasn't me, it was the cat.

    Makes a change from apologising for the dog farting.
  6. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    "It's okay Your Majesty. I thought it was the horse."
  7. Forgot to add the cat was on TV a week or 2 ago as they put a GPS tracker and a cam on it to see where it went
  8. Oddly, probably the only burglar in Bristol who doesn't stop to take a shit on the carpet.
    • Like Like x 2
  9. Can it get me some wheeltrims for the car ?
  10. Copper "Do you understand why you are here ?"

    Cat "Assuming you are not initiating a deeply philosophical dialogue, would it be to call you a cab"

    Copper "You are not even original cat"

    Cat "In the strictest Darwinian sense we are all originals. Otherwise paw printing wouldn't work"