Caravan season again - Road gripes

#1
I have been out on the road now as a HGV driver for six years or so. Every summer, Mr & Mrs "flat-cap-and-driving-gloves" with a combined age of about 397 dig out the caravan and block up the lorry parks that I am in need of to comply with my driving hours. For 50 weeks of the year I, and hundreds of other drivers are all tarred with the same brush of being one of the great unwashed as, to be fair, most truck - stop parking areas stink of psis. To compound this further, they then (along with Mondeo or Passat driving rep') become proud members of "The middle lane club" as they still consider the motorway as having a slow, middle and fast lane and they are now driving an aircraft carrier.

The last time I checked (last week) the highway code defines the motorway as lanes 1, 2 & 3 and the standard speed limit applies to all of them. Why oh bleedin' why do people "cruise" in lane 2 at 55mph when lane 1 is empty and my merc' wagon is legally restricted to 56mph??. I can travel for miles slowly gaining ground on such vehicles and when a down hill slope allows me to reach my legal maximum of 60mph..... the batsrds put their foot down to stop me overtaking them and I have simultaneously hacked-off the driver behind me who has no idea why I'm in lane 2 to begin with.

I'm not the greatest fan of PC Plodd or the lads and lasses from VOSA but one day they're gonna get smart and get a couple of unmarked cab-units backed up by an unmarked car to spot (I'm nine feet up in a lorry cab) the ones who fail to return to the left lane if appropriate to do so or the phone users, map readers, coffee drinkers and paperwork shufflers who scream past me on a regular basis whilst driving with their knees.

Can't you tell I've had a really good day today - If I had a glove-box, There'd be a gun in it. Any more for any more??
 
#3
Whilst I can sympathise with you we also have a caravan !!!
I have lost count of the thousands of miles we have sat stuck behind a lorry while it tries to overtake another lorry with a speed differential of half a mile per hour , only to come to a slight hill and drop back behind said lorry.
We regularly see miles of traffic being held up in this way.
We adopt some crap laws from the continent , why don't we adopt the law that applies in many party of the EU that during busy times lorries must stay in line and are not allowed to overtake each other
 
#4
They are a Junkers Bomber.

You are a Hurricane/Spitfire pilot.

Da Da Da Da Da Da..............................
 
#5
Lane 1 only for all HGV's and towing vehicles 0700-1900hrs! Might stop the flat cap brigade from bringing the motorway network to a standstill every 20 miles or so!
 
#6
Driving caravans around during the high season, they're probably Dutch.

Tell them this:
Krijg de kanker met je sleurhut, kaaskop!

It's pronounced something like this:
Craig da kanker (with an Alpha as in 'Dart') mat ye slurrhut, case cop!

It means:
I would be much obliged if you'd be so kind as to remove your contraption of Her Majesty's roads, dear tourist. Have a nice day, mr Dutchman.

Later,

Kaye.

By the way. If the caravan in question has the adress of this site on the back in orange lettering, it's Cloggie driving it. In that case it's 'Watch and Shoot! Watch and Shoot'.
 
#7
Kaye said:
By the way. If the caravan in question has the adress of this site on the back in orange lettering, it's Cloggie driving it. In that case it's 'Watch and Shoot! Watch and Shoot'.
Kaye,you septic wannabe cnut!
I just came home from a short holiday in my Cloggievan,and I can't wait to tow it through the rolling hills of Blithy again. :lol:

Oh, this was how i drove through Engerland 2 years ago;

[/URL][/img]
 
#8
Cloggie!

Ye sheepshaggin' git. You call me a spam again and I'll set that b@st@rd of an adjudant on your case! Mind you, with all that Welsh family coming over here, I'll have to mind whom I call sheepshagger the next few weeks...

I did remember something being orange in that piccie. But I was mistaken. It wasn't the lettering; it was your gob. Being pulled out of the polder clay and shoved into the Cornish sunshine isn't good for you...

By the way, lads. Cloggie is the one on the right hand side of the piccie. I am NOT the one on the left.

edited for being overcome by emotions caused by seeing my good old friend private Cloggie again. How are ye, mate?
 
#9
Cloggie said:
Kaye said:
By the way. If the caravan in question has the adress of this site on the back in orange lettering, it's Cloggie driving it. In that case it's 'Watch and Shoot! Watch and Shoot'.
Kaye,you septic wannabe cnut!
I just came home from a short holiday in my Cloggievan,and I can't wait to tow it through the rolling hills of Blithy again. :lol:

Oh, this was how i drove through Engerland 2 years ago;

[/URL][/img]
So just who IS the bloke with the baldy head then :?:
 
#10
Tango twins go caravanning!

These evil fibreglass boxes of death should be stacked up in the middle of a field and burnt. You people towing them are all frustrated clothes peg whittlers. Have a proper holiday or stop in the house.

I am also an LGV Driver and the road belongs to me wibble!
 
#11
This has just reminded me to contact Alistar Darling, to tax the feckers off the road!

Or even better all carapikeyvans should be donated to Top Gear for research purposes.

Stilts
 
#12
I don't know why but generally HGV drivers are courteous and skilled drivers, it doesn't matter that they're fat and ugly.

Caravanners on the other hand have for the first time in a long time got behind the wheel of something twice as heavy and nearly three times as long as they're used to but with only a tenth of the driving ability and even less than tenth common sense for road safety. As well as being fat and ugly AND old.
 
#13
O2Thief said:
I don't know why but generally HGV drivers are courteous and skilled drivers, it doesn't matter that they're fat and ugly.

Caravanners on the other hand have for the first time in a long time got behind the wheel of something twice as heavy and nearly three times as long as they're used to but with only a tenth of the driving ability and even less than tenth common sense for road safety. As well as being fat and ugly AND old.
Let's not tar every caravanner with the same brush becauseas you can see I'm not fat,ugly I may be,but I'm not THAT old either!
Plus whilst towing my 2nd home I drive just as fast or faster than my fellow lorrie-driving motorway users.
I'm not in a defensive mood,but caravanning is the only way for me to have a reasonably payable holiday in the U.K for me.
 
#15
brucewillis said:
These evil fibreglass boxes of death should be stacked up in the middle of a field and burnt. You people towing them are all frustrated clothes peg whittlers. Have a proper holiday or stop in the house.
What he said.

And if people feel compelled to move these sheds of shite from A to B it should be made compulsory that they are moved Mon-Thur and banned Fri-Sun.


ZXR
 
#16
Ooh - my pet subject, caravans.

Every year down in the glorious West Country our peace is shattered by hoards of brummies who have dusted down the 8 berth, attached it to the back of a ludicrously underpowered saloon and try to head for coast, usually at Burnham on Sea.

Surprise surprise when a cross wind picks them up and deposits them upside down and bleeding on the central reservation leading to the M5 being shut for 8 hours at a time.

There should be a minimum standard of towing vehicle, massive additional tax on cravans and you should have to acheive a "part 2" test before you are allowed on the road in one.

When the cretins finally reach their destination they light their stinking barbies to char a little food for Nikki and Wayne before heaidng into town to clog up the bars, munch kebabs and behave with the aplomb and social grace of yeast.

I am surprised the cnuts can remember to breathe
 
#19
Ban the bloody things from the roads during hours of daylight and then restrict them to lane one on dual carriageways and motorways.

Alternately, tax their owners until their eyeballs bleed for slowing down the whole country to almost a standstill whenever they hit the roads. The majority of shed draggers spend around 11 months of the year with the damn things sat outside their house and then 4 weeks annoying the life out of the rest of us. Most of them lack the ability to control their car on a day to day basis, adding a bloody great home from home to the back of it makes them dangerous.

I've never seen that attraction in caravaning myself (except just for the bloody mindedness of it to p1ss of everyone else). Must be a certain type of person that wants to spend their holiday dragging a portaloo behind their car from one farmers field to another, occasionally stopping off in a layby somewhere to get out their folding chairs and table and having a cup of tea while they admire the view and tranquility of thier surroundings as the traffic they've just spent the last two hours clogging up thunders past them.

Total cnuts (most of them, I'm sure there are one or two that are ok?) :lol:
 
#20
Some nacker managed to jack-knife his on the A38 on Tuesday...he was sat by the side of his vehicle surrounded by the Devon Constabulary, no doubt explaining how his car came to be facing the wrong way and his caravan came to be upside down but still on the towing hook...

It is simple people, if you are towing something much heavier than your car and it starts to swing because you are going too quickly...DON'T brake, slow down via the throttle...
 
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