Caravan season again - Road gripes

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by fizzgig, May 7, 2008.

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  1. I have been out on the road now as a HGV driver for six years or so. Every summer, Mr & Mrs "flat-cap-and-driving-gloves" with a combined age of about 397 dig out the caravan and block up the lorry parks that I am in need of to comply with my driving hours. For 50 weeks of the year I, and hundreds of other drivers are all tarred with the same brush of being one of the great unwashed as, to be fair, most truck - stop parking areas stink of psis. To compound this further, they then (along with Mondeo or Passat driving rep') become proud members of "The middle lane club" as they still consider the motorway as having a slow, middle and fast lane and they are now driving an aircraft carrier.

    The last time I checked (last week) the highway code defines the motorway as lanes 1, 2 & 3 and the standard speed limit applies to all of them. Why oh bleedin' why do people "cruise" in lane 2 at 55mph when lane 1 is empty and my merc' wagon is legally restricted to 56mph??. I can travel for miles slowly gaining ground on such vehicles and when a down hill slope allows me to reach my legal maximum of 60mph..... the batsrds put their foot down to stop me overtaking them and I have simultaneously hacked-off the driver behind me who has no idea why I'm in lane 2 to begin with.

    I'm not the greatest fan of PC Plodd or the lads and lasses from VOSA but one day they're gonna get smart and get a couple of unmarked cab-units backed up by an unmarked car to spot (I'm nine feet up in a lorry cab) the ones who fail to return to the left lane if appropriate to do so or the phone users, map readers, coffee drinkers and paperwork shufflers who scream past me on a regular basis whilst driving with their knees.

    Can't you tell I've had a really good day today - If I had a glove-box, There'd be a gun in it. Any more for any more??
  2. You're in a rig.

    Ram the cunts.
  3. Whilst I can sympathise with you we also have a caravan !!!
    I have lost count of the thousands of miles we have sat stuck behind a lorry while it tries to overtake another lorry with a speed differential of half a mile per hour , only to come to a slight hill and drop back behind said lorry.
    We regularly see miles of traffic being held up in this way.
    We adopt some crap laws from the continent , why don't we adopt the law that applies in many party of the EU that during busy times lorries must stay in line and are not allowed to overtake each other
  4. They are a Junkers Bomber.

    You are a Hurricane/Spitfire pilot.

    Da Da Da Da Da Da..............................
  5. Lane 1 only for all HGV's and towing vehicles 0700-1900hrs! Might stop the flat cap brigade from bringing the motorway network to a standstill every 20 miles or so!
  6. Driving caravans around during the high season, they're probably Dutch.

    Tell them this:
    Krijg de kanker met je sleurhut, kaaskop!

    It's pronounced something like this:
    Craig da kanker (with an Alpha as in 'Dart') mat ye slurrhut, case cop!

    It means:
    I would be much obliged if you'd be so kind as to remove your contraption of Her Majesty's roads, dear tourist. Have a nice day, mr Dutchman.



    By the way. If the caravan in question has the adress of this site on the back in orange lettering, it's Cloggie driving it. In that case it's 'Watch and Shoot! Watch and Shoot'.
  7. Kaye,you septic wannabe cnut!
    I just came home from a short holiday in my Cloggievan,and I can't wait to tow it through the rolling hills of Blithy again. :lol:

    Oh, this was how i drove through Engerland 2 years ago;

  8. Cloggie!

    Ye sheepshaggin' git. You call me a spam again and I'll set that b@st@rd of an adjudant on your case! Mind you, with all that Welsh family coming over here, I'll have to mind whom I call sheepshagger the next few weeks...

    I did remember something being orange in that piccie. But I was mistaken. It wasn't the lettering; it was your gob. Being pulled out of the polder clay and shoved into the Cornish sunshine isn't good for you...

    By the way, lads. Cloggie is the one on the right hand side of the piccie. I am NOT the one on the left.

    edited for being overcome by emotions caused by seeing my good old friend private Cloggie again. How are ye, mate?
  9. So just who IS the bloke with the baldy head then :?:
  10. Tango twins go caravanning!

    These evil fibreglass boxes of death should be stacked up in the middle of a field and burnt. You people towing them are all frustrated clothes peg whittlers. Have a proper holiday or stop in the house.

    I am also an LGV Driver and the road belongs to me wibble!
  11. This has just reminded me to contact Alistar Darling, to tax the feckers off the road!

    Or even better all carapikeyvans should be donated to Top Gear for research purposes.

  12. I don't know why but generally HGV drivers are courteous and skilled drivers, it doesn't matter that they're fat and ugly.

    Caravanners on the other hand have for the first time in a long time got behind the wheel of something twice as heavy and nearly three times as long as they're used to but with only a tenth of the driving ability and even less than tenth common sense for road safety. As well as being fat and ugly AND old.
  13. Let's not tar every caravanner with the same brush becauseas you can see I'm not fat,ugly I may be,but I'm not THAT old either!
    Plus whilst towing my 2nd home I drive just as fast or faster than my fellow lorrie-driving motorway users.
    I'm not in a defensive mood,but caravanning is the only way for me to have a reasonably payable holiday in the U.K for me.
  14. If only they would pull over in lay-bys on single carriage ways when they have collected 15 cars or so they would not be so hated.
  15. What he said.

    And if people feel compelled to move these sheds of shite from A to B it should be made compulsory that they are moved Mon-Thur and banned Fri-Sun.