Can't get access to my kids - advice needed please

Discussion in 'Finance, Property, Law' started by happysapper, Nov 15, 2010.

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  1. Ok, long story short: my wife and i separated a couple of months back (my choice) and i moved out. I was still seeing our 3 children regularly (15, 11 & 8 yrs); and despite the obvious upset everything was ok. Recently i started seeing someone else, and now my wife won't let me see my children.

    The wife knows that i'm going on tour within the next few weeks, and is adamant that i can't see the kids, or even call them before i go.

    Until now, i've wanted to keep things as amicable as possible and avoid involving solicitors etc.

    The question is, can she stop me from seeing them, and if i involve solicitors, is anything like to get sorted in the next few weeks?


  2. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    Solicitor, Legal Aid, Emergency Access Hearing.

    Those are the words that you are looking for.
  3. Ord_Sgt

    Ord_Sgt RIP

    Go legal and go hard.

    She has no more right to the children than you do right now.

    On the down side you dumped her and are now seeing some one else, put the shoe on the other foot to realise how pissed off she is with you.

    Accept you are no longer friends and never will be again, then plan from there. It's never nice, only the lawyers come out on top.

    Best of luck, without trying to sound mean, it won't end well either way.
  4. Thanks for the advice so far. I'll call the solicitors tomorrow then.

    Ord Sgt: I accepted long ago that i won't ever be friends with her again; and to be honest that doesn't bother me. What does is that i can't see my kids - and the longer i go without seeing them the more they're going to think that i don't give a toss about them. Coupled with that, I've got no idea what she's telling them about any of this.

  5. Ord_Sgt

    Ord_Sgt RIP

    Sorry didn't mean to put a damper on things. But once you accept she now thinks you are the devils spawn, which she does, you need to plan ahead with that in mind, no Mr Nice Guy. I tried to be civil in similar circumstances and she nearly nailed me to the wall. Good luck mate.
  6. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    Well I'll be able to spot you in a crowd I've got the same T-shirt.

    To the OP, I've tried being polite and civil to no avail at all. My Ex just takes the piss. The Only route unfortunately, and it is unfortunate as you did once love the woman, is to get the nastiest snottiest back street solicitor and nail her arrse to the mast in court. Make sure its a process that she won't want to repeat.
  7. You have my deepest sympathy. Boot was on the other foot in my case. She went off with the children and moved in with her childhood sweetheart after 20 years of marriage. My 3 children aged 17,15 and 12 at the time. Personally I would try and keep it as amicable as humanly possible. Solicitors only seem to make things worse (I am a GP). Try and keep in touch by mobile phone with the children, learn to text message, I had to ! No matter how hard your ex makes it ALWAYS put the children first . When they get to 16 they can please themselves who they see. If the Ex is willing to give access without your new partner present agree to it , at least you get to see the children. They can get to know your new partner later. I had no choice about my children seeing her new partner as they lived with him, though I was mightily pleased when my eldest asked him outside for a fist fight and then moved out to live with his girlfriend/then fiance/ and now wife. Try to stay on reasonable terms, learn to bite your tongue. There will be weddings for your children one day and it will be nice if BOTH their parents can attend and behave themselves.

    Deepest sympathy. Stay strong. PUT THE CHILDREN FIRST. Dont go around and punch her, it wont help.
  8. Point one. Legal aid - no chance. Your income, even if you were a private would put that out of reach. I take it that, with kids of 15, 11 and 8 you have been around a bit. As (it seems from your user name) a sapper, I assume that you are doing slightly better than private by this stage.

    Point two. "Can she do this?" In theory, no. In practice, possibly. The courts move slowly and judges tend to be fairly paralysed early on in proceedings where the "resident" parent refuses contact, and before any reports have been prepared, or statements of evidence given.

    However, at least two of the children must have mobile phones. The eldest is probably on facebook and/or MSN. Do they have e-mail? What about good old fashioned royal mail? Keep in touch. Do not slag their mother off, but reassure them that you love them and want to see them.

    A previous poster made a good point in regard to being willing to take up contact without the new partner at this stage. It may be that the children themselves might not welcome her presence at this stage.

    And get a solicitor. Ask around, get a competent family law solicitor, and go for it. If you pussy around trying to persuade her to agree something she chooses not to agree then you will get nowhere.
  9. Keep a diary of everything said and done, log and try and record phone calls, can you get your imminent tour put back on compassionate reasons? to give you time to try and sort something out, rather than trying to sort things from out in the stan or wherever it is you are going.