Cannot walk the streets at night. Too dangerous

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Trunnion-Tilt, Jan 26, 2008.

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  1. Cannot walk the streets after dark because of the risk of being stabbed mugged etc. What’s the answer? My late Father always said Birch the bastards. We have tried everything else including hug a Hoodie and it just don’t fecking work so the birch may be the answer. Comments?
  2. Mr_Fingerz

    Mr_Fingerz LE Book Reviewer

    What I want to know is, What was the Home Secretary doing going for a kebab at 0500hrs?

    As for the birch, it'd be against HRA.
  3. Someone told her she had a cnut like a badly packed Kebab, she wanted to see if it were true?
  4. We know that if you lurk in an alleyway leaping out with a knife and evil intent upon passers-by, the law will be powerless to stop you and unlikely to catch you after the fact.

    So start doing it yourself, turning the scum's methods against them.

    The Law is supposed to be a tool for achieving justice, not a replacement for it.
  5. Isle Of Man fought tooth and nail to keep it.
    I see nothing wrong with it, make a few of these 'you can't touch me so I can do what the feck I like' kids think twice.
    In philosophical/religious terms Birch signifies a new beginning and a cleansing, both appropriate as you pay for offence and you DON'T re-offend.
    rather a few chavs have a re-education than the continual fear and violence that I read about.
  6. Carrots are you advocating vigilantes and/or getting your retaliation in first?
    Not that I disagree you understand, just curious.
  7. Perception of danger is all relative and subjective. I suspect that you're a bit of a poof Trunnion-Tilt, in which case, you probably perceive the tea cup ride at Thorpe Park to be dangerous.
  8. Oh, Heaven forfend! I would hate for anyone to go away with that impression. :D

    Like you, I'm advocating 'education' - in this case, allowing the poor misunderstood darlings to understand the pain and distress that victims of crime suffer. Since, clearly, they've been the victims of society's failure to care enough about them, I feel it our duty to share as much as possible - to bring them into the 'family' through shared experience. To let them know what it feels like to be given a kicking because some tanked-up prick feels he has a right to behave however he likes; or to lose your hard-earned property because he can't recognise the distinction between wanting something and being entitled to it.

    I'm sure once they understand, the natural latent empathy that they surely have (all the best child 'experts' assure me) will bud forth, allowing them to take a productive place in society, reading to old-folks, knitting bootees for kittens and so forth.

    Of course, some of them might need to be taught at their own pace as they have a unique form of learning, but one which is no less valid. These individuals would have to be identified early on in the mugger/muggee interaction (purely to avoid imposing a proscriptive and unsuitable form of learning on them) so that they can be empowered to free themselves from behavioural stereotypes, by means of percussive persuasion.
  9. can anyone remember the story of the guy who used to go out at night tooled up looking for trouble and all that? Think his name was batman.
  10. That's brilliant Carrots. Truly well expressed, how can the PC Brigade disagree? :clap: :clap: :clap:
    As one who works in the education process I feel you have hit the nail on the head. Also being open to learning new things I will alter my plans to re-educate the little darlings who race past my house at on noisy motorbikes by stringing cheese wire at head-height across the road. Using your suggestion I will put it at wheel height and then, once on the deck, go out to deafen the buggers with a recording of a souped-up bike whining away directly into their lugflaps. If that doesn't work a pounding on their helmet with a baseball bat, - for the noise level you understand, which should allow the misunderstood miscreants to realize the unintentional pain they have caused and thus mend their ways.
    Education is a wonderful thing, thank-you for reminding me.
  11. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Thank you Carrots.

    'Percussive Persuasion' is the new 'Contact Therapy'

    'Contact Therapy' is a form of aversion therapy and is administered in the hope of assisting the patient by focusing on the negatives of the behavioural symptoms that accompany a phobia of values and laws - 'Cuntitis'.

    It does have a high success rate (higher than other forms of aversion therapy such as meat suppositories in a controlled and enclosed environment), but some still do slip through this protective net. In such cases, one can enhance the course of treatment by switching to, alternating between or combining with 'Percussive Persuasion'

    'Percussive Persuasion', albeit similar in terms of the delivery methods of prescribed treatment, aims to achieve the result required by positive persuasion rather than aversion therapy. It aims to 'pursuade' the patient that other forms of behaviour than the one that is, in itself, negative from society's perspective, will yield a more harmonious, beneficial existence for he patient, and subsequent early end of the treatment.

    Both forms of treatment may require admission to hospital, the length of which is defined by the severity of 'cuntitis' being experienced by the sufferer, and the dosage of the treatment prescribed beforehand.

    The dosage amount does lead to physical side effects, which, in a small number of cases (those where the sufferer does not respond to smaller doses initial doses) can be permanent. One must remember that this therapy is for a mental, not physical condition. In very rare cases, the treatment can lead to the death of the patient, but this is only in such cases where the illness is inoperable (does not respond at all to treament).

    Side effects of both courses of treatment are remarkably similar:

    Potential Side effects of treatment for mild 'cuntitis' sufferers:
    Bruising on the skin, split lip, darkening of the skin around the eyes (which may close up for a short period). Swelling of the ears.

    Potential Side effects of treatment for mild to medium 'cuntitis' sufferers: Severe bruising, lacerations, closure of both eyes for a period with attendant darkening of surrounding skin, broken nose, some bleeding. Rarely leads to scarring.

    Potential Side effects of treatment for medium to severe 'cuntitis' sufferers: Broken leg and arms, fractured ribs, smashed teeth, broken jaw, fractured skull, knife wounds, heavy bleeding, broken hands and fingers, severed limbs or digits, gunshot wounds, anal ripping, burst kidney/appendix, severe scarring and other non-lethal side effects.

    Potential Side effects of treatment for severe to incurable 'cuntitis' sufferers: Same as above, but invariably leading to death.

    Treatment of 'cuntitis' should begin at the earliest possible time after diagnosis to avoid deterioration to the more severe forms. Early diagnosis and treatment is important, though not critical
  12. And his politically correct friend, robin. Holey Rusty metal, batman!
  13. Leave the poor dear alone, probably comes from a nice quiet area.
    Remember taking an 18 YO who thought he came from a tough neighborhood up to London. We were in a relatively quiet area when he saw the local plod arming themselves with various bits of kit from the boot of their squad car. He was terrified.
    I had to re-point out to him that the local thugs he knew wouldn't last 5 minutes in even a quiet middle class area of London and if he cared to go to somewhere like Stonebridge Park he and they would be lucky to last 5 seconds.
    Like you said it's all relative, but if you aren't used to it it can be a very frightening experience.
  14. Recently released results of clinical trials show that Percussive Persuasion is most effective when applied to children as needed and in small doses. While the exact treatment pathway has yet to be determined a clear vaccine effect has been observed with this protocol, in most cases preventing the onset of early-adult Cuntitis entirely.
  15. Would that be the tried and tested
    Small to
    Application of
    Close area
    Kinectic energy transference

    used on children of school age to discourage poor behaviour