Discussion in 'Sick Jokes' started by PigGunner, Mar 3, 2013.
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What's the first thing a cannibal does after dumping his Mrs?
He wipes his arrse.
Two missionaries are attempting to bring the word of God to a remote head hunting cannibal tribe known as the Oomba Doolla tribe. All previous missionaries that have done this have disappeared without a trace.
Upon entering the tribe's village they are immediately set upon, tied up and dragged roughly before the village Chief whilst all chanting excitedly in unison, "Oomba Doolla! Oomba Doolla! Oomba Doolla!"
Once before the Chief, resplendent in his feather headdress and human bone jewellery, they are thrown to their knees and the "Oomba Doolla" chanting ceases as suddenly as it started with a single wave of the Chief's human skull topped staff.
"You dare enter the village of the Oomba Doolla!" Roars the Chief.
"You have two choices for punishment, you can go through our ancient ritual of Oomba Doolla, or you can choose death!"
The tribe starts chanting again, "Oomba Doolla! Oomba Doolla! Oomba Doolla!"
One of the missionaries speaks up and asks the Chief, "What in Heaven above is 'Oomba Doolla'?"
The Chief replies "Oomba Doolla is sacred ritual where all hundred men in tribe bum rape you, then you shall be free to leave village never to return!"
"Goodness!" exclaims the shocked missionary, and turns to his companion and asks him what he thinks they should do.
He simply says proudly, "We are men of God, and no way are we going to be degraded by such a ritual!" "We choose death!"
"You have chosen your fate then, and it is death." And with a huge grin on his native face he declares, "I decree death by OOMBA DOOLLA!"
A cheer goes up by the tribesmen "Oomba Doolla! Oomba Doolla! Oomba Doolla!"
Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman, captured by Cannibals....
Chief says, "you have one wish each before we kill you, eat you, and make a canoe out of your skin"
The Englishman demands some fair maidens and, after rogering them, he is duly killed, eaten and has his skin made into a canoe.
The Scotsman demands a crate of whisky, and, after necking the lot, he is duly killed, eaten and has his skin made into a canoe.
The Irishman demands a fork, and, on having one produced the Cannibal Chief states "What U Wanna Fork For man?" To which the Irishman replies whilst frantically stabbing himself in then chest "You ain't gonna make a canoe out of me , you Bastards"
Two cannibals eating a clown and one says "does this taste funny to you?"
did you hear about the vegetarian cannibal?
he would only eat swedes.
What does a cannibal call missionaries on bicycles?
Meals on wheels.
Did you hear about the wide-boy who sold the ashes from a crematorium to cannibals as Read-brek?
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals in a sixty-niner.
In PNG you can play Cannibal Roulette - you choose one of 6 girls to give you a blow job, but one of them's a cannibal.
Unwittingly Palmer stepped out of the Jungle and into Headhunter folklore forever.
Far Side (not cannibals but close)
Who doesn't love Gary Larson!
The Jews are so shrewd they've been selling foreskins to the cannibals for years.
As chewing gum.
Separate names with a comma.