Cancer presents

Off to see an old friend on the weekend; she has cancer and just had 3ft of bowel removed. It may have metastasised, so she's about to start many months of chemo and could do with a morale boost.

She's got a good sense of humour so we're trying to think of pisstake presents which might cheer her up. We're going to the butcher to try and get 3ft of offal as replacement innards... maybe a pack of NAPS tablets as pre-treatment for the chemo.

Any other amusing suggestions?
One of them cheap nasty ones they gave to cancer victims in the 70's/80's a copy of the film champion were John Hurt played a cancer riddled jockey. and a book on how to write a will.
Chintzy floral cotton stoma bag cover, Ex-lax, shampoo for hair loss, stick on eyebrows and false lashes!
We're going to the butcher to try and get 3ft of offal as replacement innards...
If they don't have any ask for a length of un-knotted sausages.
Some 32mm convoluted hose and a couple of stainless Jubilee Clips. Hope she gets through this.
not really a present, but if she is single then introduce her to the concept of chemo dating. Spent Christmas day with a mate who has hit an all time low of sexual depravity during his (ongoing) treatment for a pretty virulent form of cancer. He discovered a dark underworld of no-strings sex with fellow cancer patients. Not one to let his poor health get in the way of his sex life, he has been more active during the last year of treatment than he has in the last 5 of being healthy - he did concede to preferring the ones with hair though.

Hope that she pulls through
A half-deflated sexdoll dressed up in her clothes.
Cool!! But what's the little one for?

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