Off to see an old friend on the weekend; she has cancer and just had 3ft of bowel removed. It may have metastasised, so she's about to start many months of chemo and could do with a morale boost. She's got a good sense of humour so we're trying to think of pisstake presents which might cheer her up. We're going to the butcher to try and get 3ft of offal as replacement innards... maybe a pack of NAPS tablets as pre-treatment for the chemo. Any other amusing suggestions?