Can you judge the size of your turds?

I had a quick crap before leaving work last night, I didn't risk waiting 'till I got home - I learnt that the hard way! Anyway the cleaners had recently serviced the traps so I knew I was working with a blank canvas. I forced out what I believed to be a Bounty Bar sized nugget. Imagine my surprise when I saw a 14" growler curled up in the U-bend! It was still there after 2 flushes so I left it to soak. Anywho this got me to wondering if I'm alone in my inability to guesstimate the size of my Richard IIIs from friction alone?
i laid one at work today, came in three pieces, length wise at least 8 inch a piece and the girth of a cucumber, fuck knows how i pinched them out, but to my horror they would not i left em.


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Anywho this got me to wondering if I'm alone
Do a 360. See a wife? Children? Friends?

No? Thought not. Then you are alone.

Jesus. Somebody turn the light off. I think the light is attracting the cunts.
I don't take them to work with me, I'm allowed out by myself.
christ, i aint, in fact, i have an entorage of flashing lights where ever i go, been happening a while now, funny men in funny hats keep trying to hold my hands and give me strange braclets.......
Never can tell how big your shit is going to be on visual inspection.

Like them ones that you need a good few breaths to squeeze out, terrified that you're going to be split in two in the process, only to discover that the fucking things are the size of rabbit droppings.
I'm not going to shit for a week, I may need to lay the result in the bath if you want a piccy
Thank fuck its not just me, many a time I've had a Mars bar sized one drop out, smooth and not too dry, not too wet, a lovely 2 wiper. Upon turning round a cry of 'Fuck, that's a biggie!' is customary as something similar in size and shape to a Boa Constrictor sits in its throne, resting its head against the side of the bowl a good 8 inches out the water.
Back when MRE's were new, the resultant constipation, impaction and delayed movements resulted in some interesting sewer snakes. A couple of weeks in the field could result in some real "standers." Meaning you had to stand up, or would be pushed up, as the monstrosities produced would refuse to fall apart, have a diameter roughly the same as a beer stein and they seemed to not stop until you had completely cleared the entire 1.5-2.0 meter length of your lower intestine.
I just laid a spicy one, didn't get the tape measure out though, I just buried it in bogroll and kept flushing. I think it's gone away now.
Visited the bog at my favourite restaurant the other day to find it unflushed. Inside was a perfectly formed numeral 9. A large one...and me with no camera. The producer must have been crushed he came so close to a score of "10."
Knowing the girth, length, colour and consistency of your stools is of vital importance. Hence I always carry a vernier caliper
gauge wherever I go.
images 1.jpg

For those times when a lack of roughage in my diet requires me to pass turds the size of a 2 litre coke bottle - and for when the turds are longer than normal is use a different caliper gauge.

I record the results on a spread sheet, which may well be the basis of a book in future: The Coffee Table Book of Turd Measurements.
In the interests of scatological equality...would a passive hermer have an unfair advantage due to 3rd party intrusions, and would semen have an effect on consistency?

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