Can I learn an Olympic sport in four years?

Discussion in 'Health and Fitness' started by FatBoyGeorge, Aug 10, 2008.

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  1. Alright, I've seen the Arrse Olympics thread, been watching the games on tv and it's got me thinking. Surely there's a sport I can learn to have a good chance at winning a medal.

    Those Archery birds look in pretty bad shape and surely the bow does all the hard work, and I was quiet a good target shooter with an A2. Personally I quite fancy my chances as long as I put the training in.

    So are there any other easy sports which I could learn? Maybe I could go out with the intention of winning the most pointless golds.
  2. There is a Signals Sgt, sans legs, who is currently learning how to row for London 2012. Never rowed before.

    So I would imagine any sport is an option. It is all down to the person doing the training... ie youself.

    You could always take up boxing, get paid 70k for training then fail the weigh in.
  3. Whoa there! You get paid to train? That puts a new light on things. I've got a feeling that I know Legs, was he ever training Ops at Blandford?
  4. I was wondering the same myself. If I was to go for it it would probably be one of the shooting events I reckon.
    FBG, you're right about the archery. The bow does seem to do a lot of the work and that sounds good to me!! Besides I have a blind mate who is good at archery so if he can do it surely I could have a shot at it!
  5. Depending on age you could consider any sport where fitness is not so important. I remember seeing a Swedish Table Tennis player at one Olympics who was a bit portly but still fit enough to dash around the table.

    I still consider I could be competitive as a hockey goalkeeper. My fitness levels are good and could be excellent if I needed them to be while my reflexes are good. I've not played the game since school however. It's what I think about when trying to get to sleep. I'm a fcuking hero then!
  6. I'm sold, googling my local archery clubs as we speak. I had a go at Fencing at a sports afternoon many years ago. It didn't seem that hard; surely it's just a case of stabbing that other cunt first. I might leave that one for somebody from a council estate.
  7. PandaLOVE, you could always use what you've got stored under your pillow.
  8. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

    Al Murray provided some top tips in yesterdays Sun
    Or you could take the Lottery Money pi$$ about for 4 years and then come home after failing to make the weight

    THE Olympics were invented by the ancient Greeks, who were great drinkers, a race of publicans’ friends if ever there was one.
    And if you look at them, it’s obvious that the Olympic Games were thought up by a bunch of blokes in a pub.

    No question about it.

    Take the javelin, for example. What’s that if not darts for show-offs?

    The discus looks like a pretty pointless event these days, doesn’t it?

    But in olden days that’s how ancient Greek publicans used to deliver a ploughman’s to the far end of the beer garden to save time when there was a bit of a rush on, which was all the time in ancient Greece.

    The Marathon was originally a 26-mile pub crawl and used to take several weeks to complete.

    That’s until the modern era, when telly schedulers got hold of it and insisted on cutting out all the pubs and most of the crawling, thus changing the nature of the whole event.

    At least they haven’t changed the name to The Snickers. Yet . . .

    Of course, the ancient Greek athletes used to compete stark naked and covered in oil. I’m sure somebody told me that once. Or did I dream it . . . ? I was never confused. Not while I was awake, anyway.

    I reckon there’s still something to be said for the old ways, you know. Especially when it comes to the women’s beach volleyball.

    But you have to ask: Are we going to win a thing? No is the answer to that one. “Why” is the big question.

    Well, because we don’t have a young generation of stars flying the greatest flag in the world.

    And we all know why, don’t we? It’s because they can’t relate to these pointless hobbies that are about to destroy the TV schedule for the next umpteen months.

    We need to rebadge them, then maybe Britain will see gold in them there hills. It’s easy, take fencing for instance.

    Just give young Barry a mask and a Stella, tell him the bloke opposite said something about his mum and let us make the most of “knife Britain”.

    Shot putt? Just hand Lyndsey the ball and tell her there’s a shop window in front of her and the only reason she can’t see it is because it’s really clean.

    Even more of a reason to smash it, surely? See what I mean, it’s easy.

    And if you want Steve to win the hurdles, pop a car radio in his hand just before he sets off and tell him there’s a fella who wants to buy it the other side of them garden fences.

    All it takes is a bit of empathy, Britain. Don’t put our young people down, just give them a reason to believe.

    It’s no coincidence that our biggest haul looks like being in the sailing events once again. We are, after all, a proud island race with great maritime traditions and a long history of glorious victories over our timorous neighbours.

    I like to think that if the Spanish cooked up another Armada and sent them over looking for trouble, all we’d have to do would be to send Steve Redgrave out there to meet them.

    He’d stand up in his canoe and bang on his chest like Tarzan and they’d all suddenly remember they’d left some paella in the oven and hightail it over the horizon.

    The real reason why the sailing is our strong suit, of course, is that it’s the one sport where we have the proper facilities.

    Miles and miles of beautiful coastline and the Government haven’t yet sold it off to developers. Probably because they haven’t thought of it yet.

    THE Chinese have a basketball player who is 7ft 6in tall. He walked into my gaff a while back and came a bit of a cropper on my mock Tudor beams.

    If you look very closely you can still see the imprint of one of the brewery’s standard-issue horse brasses on his forehead.

    “Yao!” he cried, so it must have really hurt. Or else he was introducing himself
  9. I remember a circular going around the UOTCs - "are you mental enough to fancy a bash at the luge?" - so winter Olympics would ahve been easier - look at Eddie the Eagle - but then they brought in minimum qualifying.

    The British cycling team is a demonstration of the "find silk (not sow's ear) and make sure it's determined". They basically knew that high VO2 max, high lactate threshold and "tough poise" - the ability to absoultely f'kin bury yourself - and you've got a cyclist in very short order.

    But even the minority/skills stuff these days is swamped with people who are devoting loads of time. You need minority sport, probably skills based, with some good reason why few people in the UK do it.

    Incidentally, I know a bloke who was determined to be "good" at something. He was quite explosive - with a little bit of training came to a hairsbreadth of 3rd best in Scotland at the javelin, before buggering his arm.
  10. If they bring in pogo sticking then I'm your man, just ask Moodybitch.
    Top bouncing all round!
  11. You're meant to bounce on the actual pogo stick though JD, not your head.
  12. What you really need is some tenuous connection to a mickey-mouse country that struggles to front up with a full team (anyone remember Eric the fish or whatever his name was)? That way, you don't even have to be any good, you just have to be the only bloke from Mauritania who has volunteered to compete on the asymmetric bars!
  13. What are the chances that the membership of ARRSE would donate enough to buy an offshore bit of real estate - hey shit, this stuff is falliing like a shell.

    Then at the point where the "in first place representing ARRSE" commentary is given, we can give witness The Snail slithering up the rostrum to take gold, in some yet to be announced olympic discipline [/MindBoggle].

    Makes great sense for 2012 - Dilfor, will Cross-Rail be in by then, or will I have to use a competitors only lane still?
  14. I've been in training and now wear a helmet.
  15. The Royal Signals have a solid tradition in Olympic participation, when I first arived in Blandford in 1972, the canoe club boasted an instructor who had competed in the Olympics, and several Corps members formed part of the UK bobsleigh team.

    I nearly qualified at the 'Blandford circuit', but always fell foul of the Half Moon.