Call to disband Das Waltenkommando

Discussion in 'Waltenkommando' started by supermatelot, Dec 20, 2012.

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  1. This unit should be binned henceforth & forthwith. The whole kommando has been continually humiliated by a kilt-loving brandisher of top-lip topiary and dubious bling. I propose that "Shortty" is more a source of amusement than outrage, and that his thick-skinned continual waltery is something that should be grudgingly admired by us.

    Walts are fun, and some of them turn it into an art form.

    In the RN there is a shit duty called DHP. Duty dining hall party. Plate washing. Of course, when the ship goes alongside in a non-base port the bars of the town are flooded with "duty helicopter pilots". I was one once in Dover, in about 1994. I even stretched the dit out to some bird in Dover that I was in fact an exocet pilot - spun her the dit about sitting astride said missile and steering it until 200 yds from target then parachuting off. The response: "Oh your well brave!". I was actually as I was on that ship at the time.

    Another dit - visit to London in '96, docked at Canary wharf. A bomb had gone off somewhere and the flightdeck sentries (QM & BM) had been given a police radio. Police radio was taken off us about 2 hours after for some strange reason...Anyway..a steward onboard trapped a policewoman in the city that night and told her he was a helicopter pilot. He shagged her etc and kept in touch. He even borrowed flyig ovies to have pictures taken- and it's no big deal for anyone to go into the hangar and sit in the Lynx etc. Last I knew he was engaged to her a year or so later but I then left the ship, and as he was a steward, I had no need or desire to enquire upon his wellbeing. Hats off to him though!

    Walts are fun!
  2. Ayia Napa, late eighties.... never seen so many helicopter pilots around!! especially as most of them (us) looked about 19... worked a treat.
  3. CanteenCowboy

    CanteenCowboy LE Book Reviewer

    The Waltfinder General shall appear henceforth to denounce you as a 'matelot walt'.......

    To dare question the purpose of such a mighty organisation, shame upon you sir.
  4. seaweed

    seaweed LE Book Reviewer

    RN are exempt. As Kipling put it "Splendaciously mendacious rolls the brass-bound man ashore". If we told civilians the real truth they'd never believe us.
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Kipling should have stuck to making cakes.
    • Like Like x 4
  6. Most walts are sad individuals over compensating for their drab lives, once outed they fold like an American real estate fund. The Shortt one is something else, barking, he really believes his own lies.

    The end will be messy, I can't wait!
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Some many moons passed a certain Dr Spank was in Hong Kong. Out in a reputable drinking establishment dressed in smart fashion he was approached by some female tourists who had just been briefed to the effect that this smart young gent was a helicopter pilot. A jolly fun evening transpired!

    Some years later one of the "briefers", now a civilian, invited said Gentleman to a birthday party. During the evening the tale was related to an audience, the Gentleman unaware of this was approached by the usual "Mr Interesting" who in a rather nasal fashion said words to the effect "So your a helicopter pilot, I am trying for my pilots licence", (Obviously failing to pick up that part of the story relating to "wind up" and so began another Jolly fun evening but in the manner of a wind up and said interesting fellow taking in complete spin and bollox. He must have left thinking that helicopter pilots were demi gods.

    Is there such a thing as a remote or unintentional walt?!!
  8. Heard something similar either on here or pprune but went along the lines of..bloke in bar learning to fly etc starts chatting up some yank bird, giving it large etc - she then delivers the killer blow she is an apache pilot, and was, apparently.

    Without the requirement for petrol pigeon pilots the world of waltism would be bereft!
  9. Most of the WaltenKommando's cases are reported by civvy's who are too scared to front the 'SAS Commando Para' at their workplace, who is getting all the office fanny with its tales of daring do.
    Most turn into hilarious OP ripping sessions and make for good reading with a stiff drink and splutter protected keyboard and screen.
    • Like Like x 2
  10. I say keep the Waltenkommando, humour like that is priceless.
  11. downloadfile.jpeg

    Always best to determine that your target wasn't once married to a blade though first.
  12. There is a subtle difference between embellishing your role to get in a splitters knickers and giving it large down the pub when you have never served.
    • Like Like x 1
  13. I had a girl walt on my behalf on Tuesday night when some lad on a course at the camp was being a sex pest...that's a first for me.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using ARRSE mobile app
  14. I'm probably being a bit dense but could you explain what that means please? (I'm not taking the piss, just curious)
  15. Sad fact is though, in Dover there is no requirement to Walt for a fuck whatsoever. The majority of women in Dover need no encouragement!

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