Call to a computer helpline

Ridge Hall computer assistant, may I help you?
Yep. Well I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.
What sort of trouble?
Well I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words went away.
Went away?
They disappeared
Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
It's blank. It won't accept anything when I type.
Are you still in WordPerfect or did you get out?
How do I tell?
Do you see the C prompt on the screen?
What's a sea-prompt?
Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
There isn't any cursor. I told you. It won't accept anything I type.
Does your monitor have a power indicator?
What's a monitor?
It's the thing with a screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a light on it to tell you when it's on?
I don't know.
Well then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes in to it. Can you see that?
Yes I think so.
Great. Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged in to the wall.
Yes it is.
When you were behind the monitor did you notice whether there were two cables plugged in to the back of it, not just one?
Well there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Okay. Here it is.
Follow it for me and tell me if it's securely plugged into the back of your computer.
I can't reach.
Uhuh, well can you see if it is?
Even if maybe you put your knee on something and lean over?
Oh it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark.
Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Well, turn on the office light then.
I can't.
Why not?
Because there's a power outage.
A power.....power outage? Aha. Okay we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer was in?
Well yes, I keep them in the closet.
Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it, then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Really , is it that bad?
Yes I'm afraid it is.
Well, all right then, I suppose so. What do I tell them?
Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer.

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