Cake or Bed

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by oldflyboy, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. CAKE OR BED
    A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL MATCH WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, "HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
    IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW."
    HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, "FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE "POWERGEN" WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!"
    "FINE!" she says.

    THEN THE WIFE ASKS, "WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT"
    TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE "FRIDGIDAIRE" WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
    I DON'T THINK SO!"

    "FINE!" SHE SAYS "THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK"
    "I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS", HE SAYS, "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE "TAYLOR WOODROW" WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, I'M GOING TO THE PUB!!!!"

    SO HE GOES TO THE PUB AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS................

    HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME.
    AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

    AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
    AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

    HONEY, HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?"
    SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG,
    AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE."

    HE SAID, "SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?"

    SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO.., DO YOU SEE "MR KIPLING" WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!"
     
  2. I was that young man and my name is Dreameasy :twisted: