Cadaveral Capers

Discussion in 'Professionally Qualified, RAMC and QARANC' started by mizkrissi, Jan 19, 2005.

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  1. After brief arm twisting from those in the naafi and in consultation with a mod here is what i hope might be an amusing tale from my training days...

    Picture the scene late afternoon bored off my mammary glands with a droning lecturer in the cadaveral labs he is going on about the intricacies of the spinalis groups of muscles and we want to get on with the poking and prodding of the bods and this guy is going on and on. We are wearing full protective gear and gloved to the hilt. So as i am drifting off i leaned against one of the bodies (as we would often do). Suddenly a jet of water goes squirting across me hitting the guy sitting next to me. I am in shock but as the stream of water keeps flowing i turn my head in slow motion to look at the origin of the water and see it is coming from the male cadaver's old fella. What is worse it has not stopped as I am frozen in horror and cannot move. By now entire class has turned round to see wtf is all the fuss to see me with my elbow still resting on the body the cadaver doing an impression of old faithful on viagra and the guy next to me puking in disgust covered in "cadaver water". Lecturer turns looks at the scene and says deadpan "Miz I always thought you were too pretty for this line of work but I think this is taking things a little too far dont you?"
     
  2. Brings back a few memories from the anatomy lab! Catching legs falling off benches- they're heavier than they look! Rummaging in the head and neck bin in the dark, a nightmarous place, the parts store! :? Found a significant chunks of liver in my pocket once, bit surprising. Best of all, I once planted a fractured part of male anatomy in a mate's lab-coat pocket 8O

    I always felt hungry in anatomy...
     
  3. I get very frightened when I hear of Doctors in Labs, even if they are anatomy labs 8O
     
  4. ahhhh du-lai du-lai du-lai. some of the best fun ive had has been in labs and cadaverals. cross dressing the skeletons and putting them in compromising positions before lecturers would arrive was always a favourite. as was changing the information cards on the "freak circus jars" in the library.
    pathology tutorials were the best fun creating all those slides and taking all those swabs and pap smears. and as for stool samples "in theatre" so to speak LOL theres nothing quite like standing in a bathroom inches from some individuals business end with a small container going "thats it almost there just push a little more".

    I also quite liked the fact the olfactory nerve is so accomodating you stop noticing the formalin smell after a while but no one else does....
     
  5. I worked with a guy who was ex Met police and he told me this story.

    Two probationary constables are taken to the local morgue for their familiarisation visit and "how to manage grieving relatives" training. They are taken their seperate ways one to do the "Your son's dead - sorry" bit one to do the "this is how we ID bodies."

    So ID boy is now in a room with a morgue tech, two other coppers and one body covered with a sheet.The probationer is looking a bit grey. Morgue tech runs the probationer through handling body drills and the way the toe tags are written up. The probationer moves to the feet and on instruction reads the tag.

    The corpse jumps up shouting "jaysus that tickles"

    Probationer drops his load and falls over to great amusement of everyone else - ho ho.

    Now the probationer is let into the secret that they do this to all the probationers and they are setting his mate up next (other probationer). The blokes suggest the our man should be the corpse as he's covered with a sheet and won't be recognised until it's too late.

    Eager to be in on the joke our man agrees and strips off to his undies has the tag put on his toe and he's off.

    At this stage one of the guys comes up with a great idea to maximise the impact what they do is actually have him on the sliding shelf thing. When the shelf is pulled out the next probationer will be asked to lift the sheet and at this point our man will leap up and scare him witless.

    So all is set.

    Our man jumps on the sliding thing and is given a torch - "we'll just be five mins" he's told. They slide him in.

    He realises that behind the wall is just one space and by the light of the torch close by him on both sides are real bodies.

    "Jaysus" thinks our man

    Time drags by and our man starts to get concerned that they are going to leave him there all night. What's more he's starting to get cold.

    "Feck me" whispers our man as he lies amongst the dead.

    "IT'S COLD ISN'T IT" shouts the corpse next to him.
     
  6. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    "University education, you cant beat it!" (Quote Capt Edmund Blackadder!)
     
  7. Some of the best fun in anatomy labs has actually been had by the examiners, giving some of the cadervers Medical Degrees and sending them out to work! 8O
     
  8. I see they dug a bald skinny one up, trained him as a Radiographer and sent him to 33 and then Op Telic :wink:
     
  9. you fibber dulai you said you had a full head of natural hair

    im giving the ring back
     
  10. alongside the incredible shrinking poo poker 8O
     
  11. I love you so much, marry me please :wink:
     
  12. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    I've told you two before, its against the laws of this country and the natural world!
     
  13. du-lai i think mrs tx3 would have words to say about you attempting to marry tx3.

    ventress you know when du-lai was let out of the lab someone was demoted as du-lai is a crime against nature himself ;)
     
  14. i am the result of fornication between man and lama
    :twisted:
     
  15. I do worry about you. PM me and I'll give you the number of the mental health team. I think you would be able to keep them busy for months on your own! :roll:

    Yes Miz you are right Mrs tech x3 was most disgruntled to find that the most ugly man in NATO is going around proposing to people. "A crime against humanity" were her very words before she ran off to vomit at the mere thought of Dui lai at a wedding.

    It's no coincidence that he has a biological hazzard sign as his avatar :twisted: