I had a mate who went to the Med centre the Doc looked at my... I mean my mates knob and sent him to the military GU in Bielefeld, you get two swabs with something that looks a bit like the cotton buds you use in your ear then this plastic rod thing that gets quickly pushed into your helmet by about an inch (It does tingle ever so slightly). They normally also ask for a blood sample.
Most things can be treated with pills or cream.
Man up because if its something minor the longer you wait the worse it can be.
The umbrella thing was from the Crimean war I think.
Just think of it as a battle injury. Keep out of conflict until you're fully better then start skirmishing again. Next time mac up and don't be a throbber.
Try to remember which girl might have got you stinging. The GUM will tell you how long the incubation time for your particular itch is which might help you narrow it down. Tell her she infected you, women take longer to show symptoms than men so let her know so she can get treated and not infect anyone else.
Keep away from the medic in the med centre, she's too good for you.
Alternatively; 1/4 teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda and 1/2 teaspoon of cayenne pepper mixed with 1/4 pot of natural yoghurt. Put a small amount (enough to cover the end of your diseased pizzle) into a condom and wear for approx 7 days, changing daily. Pain will increase slightly at first but should stop after 2 days...
Regarding umbrellas, I can assure you that they were in use much more recently than the Crimean War.
Forget the VD clinic and antibiotics. The barber surgeons I knew swore by packing the Jap's eye with gunpowder then detonating the patient's bell end with a smouldering rope. Definitely worth a try before you get poked and prodded.
Dont be embarssed a blobby knob is something you wear with pride we've all been there at some stage. Shagged afew birds that gave me thrush which I passed to the Ex-wife and gave her loads of grief from time to time got my revenge in advance. HAHA serves you right as well if only you knew
I was once of similar opinion - naval dental nurses are better looking than other branches IMO. One had to look in my mouth and she was fooking divs! I actually did think "She had seen the inside of my badly looked after mouth now so if I everr see her down town she will laugh and point at me etc".
I saw her in Jesters that very night and after the chatup line "I saw you today"...I bum-raped her.
Swallow your pride - your infection will mark you out as a swordsman to the wrens - one who knows his stuff and has been injured in action.