C0ck Docs

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bobjugs12, May 8, 2010.

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  1. ...........
     
  2. Remember they will stick a thing like an umbrella up it and pull it out.

    Next time wrap the rascal I know been there, done that, been treated.
     
  3. Don'ty worry about it - get yourself checked out.

    Can't see why you are bothered about the sicbay knowing about it anyway!!!!

    NHS & forces medical, in my experienece, do not appear to swap notes.

    I got a shitty letter forwarded on to me last year about a missed appointment at HMS Drake.

    I've been a fucking civvy for 4 years!!!
     
  4. I had a mate who went to the Med centre the Doc looked at my... I mean my mates knob and sent him to the military GU in Bielefeld, you get two swabs with something that looks a bit like the cotton buds you use in your ear then this plastic rod thing that gets quickly pushed into your helmet by about an inch (It does tingle ever so slightly). They normally also ask for a blood sample.
    Most things can be treated with pills or cream.
    Man up because if its something minor the longer you wait the worse it can be.
    The umbrella thing was from the Crimean war I think.
     
  5. Don'ty worry about it - get yourself checked out.

    Can't see why you are bothered about the sicbay knowing about it anyway!!!!

    NHS & forces medical, in my experienece, do not appear to swap notes.

    I got a shitty letter forwarded on to me last year about a missed appointment at HMS Drake.

    I've been a fucking civvy for 4 years!!!
     
  6. As jarrod says off yourself to a GUM clinic, no worries it's all good. It's all confidential and they won't stick a frigging umbrella up your cock.
     
  7. Dip it in vinegar for five minutes, three times a day for one week - sorted.

    (If you don't have vinegar then use some lemon juice and a little bicarbonate of soda)

    CW

    Quis Separabit
    Vestigia Nulla Retrorsum
     
  8. Just think of it as a battle injury. Keep out of conflict until you're fully better then start skirmishing again. Next time mac up and don't be a throbber.
    Try to remember which girl might have got you stinging. The GUM will tell you how long the incubation time for your particular itch is which might help you narrow it down. Tell her she infected you, women take longer to show symptoms than men so let her know so she can get treated and not infect anyone else.
    Keep away from the medic in the med centre, she's too good for you. ;)
     
  9. You're best off leaving it then. As a dirty medic she won't recognise your symptoms and will only reinfect you with what ever your mates have got anyway.

    Just make sure you don't 'go south'...

    CW

    Quis Separabit
    Vestigia Nulla Retrorsum
     
  10. id get yourself checked!!!

    as it happens do you remember any of the birds you nailed?

    was one really nice with an almost model face?but a f*cking big arse and a set of DD`S?

    if so i must confess i gave her such a ride that she walked like charlie f*cking chaplin the next morning!

    also my knob looks like a cross between a zombies arm and a leppers!. (scabs, dont you just love the taste of that yellowish green ooze)

    i was told it was herpes or summit! but i dont care really as it has inlarged my knob size in swelling from a 6.5 incher to a 9!!!

    the smell of cheese and vinager and the aroma of decay is a small price to pay aslong as i turn the lights off before inserting!!

    after i can clean up the pork scratchings from the sheet!

    dont be a plank and wrap the thing up!
     
  11. stop f*cking bragging!!!! :lol:
     
  12. Alternatively; 1/4 teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda and 1/2 teaspoon of cayenne pepper mixed with 1/4 pot of natural yoghurt. Put a small amount (enough to cover the end of your diseased pizzle) into a condom and wear for approx 7 days, changing daily. Pain will increase slightly at first but should stop after 2 days...

    CW

    Quis Separabit
    Vestigia Nulla Retrorsum

    I'm not a doctor
     
  13. Sounds like the first stages of AIDS, so get everything sorted before you check out.
     
  14. Do you advertise in phone boxes?

    Regarding umbrellas, I can assure you that they were in use much more recently than the Crimean War.

    Forget the VD clinic and antibiotics. The barber surgeons I knew swore by packing the Jap's eye with gunpowder then detonating the patient's bell end with a smouldering rope. Definitely worth a try before you get poked and prodded.
     
  15. Course it's not you muppet. JTTP