Buying a Dildo for the Missus

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BanjoBill, Nov 28, 2008.

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  1. Tis the season to be be jollly..... follllllylollyladadodooodar or something.

    Well it is nearly Christmas and all that, so i thought I'd buy her something shiny and gold.

    The thing is, should I buy her one that is smaller than the old lad, or bigger?

    Is there any danger per chance in the purchase of one that is superior in length and width?
     
  2. personally i would go for one smaller than "the old lad", although i'm not sure they come that small :?
     

  3. What did she do with the one she always kept under the pillow

    It was 10 inches long and 3 inches thick

    it tokk me ages to model it

    sure feck it she still has the specs
     
  4. Nothing is going to be smaller than Camron's "black mamba" from around the corner, so I wouldn't worry too much.
     
  5. You buy two dildos, a 9" one and a 5" one. You take the 9" one out of the box and chuck it. You then put the 5" dildo in the 9" box. The wife'll never twig you've been bullshitting her all these years! QED
     
    • Like Like x 1
  6. A dildo? Suggest you start here:

    http://www.mylovemachine.com/

    alternatively, quick trip down to Anne Summers, cheap dildo and then hire a Kango
     

  7. Just when I think I have nothing else to learn in life

    the likes of this comes along

    well done
     
  8. meridian

    meridian LE Good Egg (charities)

    I bought one of these for the wife but the cow complained it was too small

    [​IMG]

    Growler like a wizards cuff
     
  9. Speaking from personal exeperience I take it...

    Your missus said you were a crap shag with a dick the size of a Heinz bake bean pork sausage the last time I kicked her back doors in :wink:
     
  10. Ive got one for sale. Its quite fleshy and attached to my groin, but trust me, it does the job.
     
  11. Get the small one , if you come home shwallied hoooooooed one night and she decides to ram it up your hoop, it wont do to much damage to your clacker valve
     
  12. Get the Rampant rabbit heart throb or the rampant rabbit platinum plus. Don't get them from the private shop they are rubbish. Its not so much the size, as all of the good ones tend to be bigger than the average, so just get a really good one. Who cares how big it is, the fact is you won't ever be able to match upto it in skill so why try and match the size as well. Save yourself the disappointment.
     
  13. That website has a "Dictionary of Sexual Terms and Slang":

    http://www.mylovemachine.com/sexdict.html

    ....... and I was surprised to learn something new; 8O

    ....... that there is a term for sexual intercourse with a sheep:- "Blissom" :omfg:
     
  14. Blissom All, Blissom All the long and the short and the.... Taxi!