A bloke goes by a pub with a sign outside saying "FREE PIE or FREE WANK with your first pint". He thinks 'that sounds ok' and enters the bar. Behind the bar is an extremely good looking barmaid, he goes to the bar and says "Are you the girl who gives the free wanks?" The barmaid replies in a very seductive voice "Yes I am". The bloke then says.."Well go and wash your hands, I want a fecking pie".