Business idea

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Sep 30, 2008.

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  1. I've beaten up a few blind people and taken their guide dogs off them.

    They are currently being sold to other blind / useless people.... repeat cycle

    I've replaced the blind people's dogs with common all garden retreivers and so far, two have been run over, one was eaten in his sleep and another walked off towards the sea and hasn't been seen since.

    I got 1500 quid each dog, I had the pleasure of assaulting a blind man, rehomed viscious retrievers and rid the world of a few people that claim disability allowance..... a win whichever way you look at it.

    I'm considering franchising. Anyone else any moneymaking ideas that also assist us in getting rid of Spaz's?
  2. Bouillabaisse

    Bouillabaisse LE Book Reviewer

    This is wrong on so many levels - there's no such thing as a "viscious" retriever
  3. Explosive ballons for the sunshine bus brigade?

    Arsenic laced Ice cream?

    radio controlled wheelchairs. I think this is a potential money maker as firstly we sell the cripple the wheelchair, then we have the fun (and profit) of auctioning off the prize of controlling one of the wheelchairs. then we can run cripple races (money from betting and sponsorship) then for the grand finale, a race to the death. Thunderdome style 'several half men enter, only one half man leaves'
  4. msr

    msr LE

    Grabbing the handbag off an old dear before giving her a good shove doesn't have the same hit rate, but occasionally you find their entire life's savings in there.

    She'll break a hip (or more), wont remember the assault and will snuff it shortly afterwards, thereby saving the cost of her pension and freeing up a house.

  5. Dole sponger snuff movies anyone?
  6. A Club for chavs

    Based on the popular fairground game where you bash the head in of Moles or other such creatures but with real chavs & real clubs - sure fire money spinner
  7. I'm outraged you could even suggest this, This idea is wrong wrong wrong and not very PC at all. What about the half women....I ask you what is the world coming to.....
  8. Whilst training on Dartmoor in the 80's, and subsequently taking night-time refreshment in the Plume of Doom and London Pub, I couldn't help but notice significant numbers of industrial-sized local women, with some unfortunate facial characteristics that could only arise from participation in an in-breeding programme.

    I assume they, or their children, are still there, so we could round them up, shag them, and then corral them in Okehampton Trg Camp whilst we sell tickets for the great Ten Tors cull. Idea would be to release them naked into the wild, with a 10 minute start, and then unleash posses of hunters in LR or similar, with high-powered hunting rifles. After 24 hours the cull would cease.

    Those that were caught and killed could be sold off, at a further profit, for render, whilst those who 'escaped' could be subsequently rounded up at the local benefits office and put into a selective breeding programme for further events. History of the event would be captured by mounting selected heads in aforementioned hostelries.

    Just a thought.

  9. Has Sir forgotten the wonderful Wireless For the Deaf and TV for the Optically Challenged Appeals.(*)

    No danger involved, just a few(dim) collectors rattling cans and an official looking signal to each unit RSM including instruction for the Mess Treasurers on how to deposit their Charity donation in the Caymen Islands.

    Job jobbed.

    (*)Not in anyway to be confused with similarly named scams run by those cnuts at BFBS
  10. Perhaps we could start a public works programme to construct, suitable large gas tight chambers at each DWP office, then invite all the scum for an "interview" with the added incentive of free ZYKLON B sample sponsored by the Beckhams :twisted:

  11. My uncle started his career as a nurse/carer for kids with Downs . As their special treat he'd bring them round to my grandma's for Sunday lunch where us children had to play with them.

    Bearing in mind that this was the seventies, they still stuck out as being dressed like cunts and one in particular used to snort the custard from his trifle up his nose, cough it into his mouth and gargle it. I used to dread Sundays. Even the Saturday night bout with Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks couldn't stop the trepidation.

    After a few episodes of custard fun and my grandma been laid out by a platform shoe (denim uppers, natty zip, cork sole) to the face, it came round to the birthday party for Mark, the 10 year old mini-giant, man-child with huge hands. After opening his cards he had over £5 which was a virtual fortune then and would keep me in Regal stumpies and Rhubarb & Custard for months.

    I wanted that money, so later whilst in the garden I simply swapped him for a handful of grass. Deal done.

    Anyone who cut their garden at the weekend and parents of 'special' people are encouraged to contact me.

    Thanks in advance.
  12. I like this, perhaps with Professor Stephen Hawking as MC. Wheelchair Death Match Jousting at it's finest!
  13. Good god NO! Whatever you do, DO NOT do this.

    Think man, those that escape are rounded up and put in a breeding programme - time after time!

    Think of the result of this, artifically rapid survival of the fittest evolution - superhypermongs.

    The horror!
  14. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    I was discussing the merits of starting an adult production company with my housemate yesterday. There's five of us sharing our house - four lads and a split.

    As a long-time avid user within the industry, and generally quite creative (and it being my idea), I would make a great director - Ben Dover style, obviously, so I still get to stick it in when necessary.

    Given that I have to put up with one lad's room next to mine and the other directly below, I know they can both put in monstrous performances which put me to shame - my two male actors.

    The token wumman isn't averse to the odd bit of rug-munching and, possessing an impressive collection of grot herself, wouldn't be offended at turning the house into a brothel - which it practically is already. And she can do makeup and wardrobe.

    The final lad is a useless waste of space, totally asexual (and, we believe, a closet wufter who's practically in Narnia) and therefore a perfect odd-job-man who won't offend any ladies by his presence. He can make brews and restock lube and stuff.

    Anyway, the business plan was quite sound: Given our Bristol location we have a healthy supply of both the young, hot, horny and skint student birds from UWE, and the dirty, easy sluts that populate the rest of the city. By chipping in a few quid each we could easily afford to pay a few to come down to a "practical audition", ruin them in the lounge while "testing their skills and suitability", and flog the resulting film. That should generate the capital required for some fully-fledged gonzo flicks.

    Benefits to society:

    Any dirty chav whores who work for us will be reported should they continue to claim benefits while in our employ (once we've got our money's worth, at least), thus assisting the benefit fraud situation.

    We will, as a socially responsible employer, insist on tests for all and in so doing make a small but significant difference to the STD situation in the area.

    Safe sex as standard means the slags get their fill of sex without the worry of more young chav mums crowding the city, so benefitting teenage pregnancy targets.

    It keeps a few more of the unwashed student population out of our pubs, while teaching them proper morals and moving them away from the seedy underworld of left-wing politics and tree-hugigng.

    We get to bury our helmets in a wide variety of young blart and make a shedload of moolah.

    Now, can anyone lend us a decent camera?
  15. A spring loaded security pass chitty book. The market is admittedly diminishing with the loss of industry in the post Thatcherite age.

    But back when I contracted on Welsh steelworks I saw the market potential in such an idea.

    Contractors had to sign on to site at the security lodge. The Welsh contractors have a habit before actually signing a security chit of rehearsing their signature about one inch above the pad. After a few mid air flourishes they would eventually lower tyhe signing hand and make their mark TAFF usually.

    This took inordinate time. The spring loaded security chitty book would enable the security guard to press a button .. the pad leaps up and catches a signature from the first mid air Taff practice run. Think of the production time gained.

    If we could simply bar code them then we could save on making spring loaded chitty books and on education which is clearly beyond them. In breeding has made writing difficult for them but they do tend to have necks and shoulders like bullocks and be very good at lifting heavy things. So let them play to their strengths.