Burns Night


Ok, I have been asked to reply to the Laddies for Burns Night, but I'm having a problem of thinking of something. Has any girls replied before and can help me out??
To The Laddies

My gentleman, if such thou be,
Wha' doth protrude is firm; I see
Thou dost achieve for lassies swee'
Without repay;
An' how thou take them on thy knee,
With no delay.

Lord, let this homme to ken his place,
For men be not the chosen race,
They earn their keep, but nae with grace,
An' rule the land;
They confound themsel' with ego's trace;
An' ne'er un'erstand:

Heaven's not found 'afor the grave.
And woman maun not their honor save.
For what reward do women slave?
Narry a slug.
Twen'y four/seven. In return, he gave
A one-time plug.

And yet, oh Lord, confess he must;
He offers not di'monds; nae just rust;
No lure for ladies here, I trust,
His treasure trove,
Tha' bag of sloven, fleshy lust
Without true love.

But still I'm here, I have not fled,
An' wait his song with less than dread,
For a' his faults, let it be said,
His heart is glad.
I lift my ale and then drink-ed
For my bold lad.
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.
I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.
And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

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