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Bum Drillers turn to drugs

So there are newspapers in existence that are actually a hundred times worse than those in Britain. That's sometimes difficult to believe but this is a bit of a reality check. :)
"The other group of consumers has been identified as bum drillers. It has been discovered that most bum shafters first get high on cocaine before launching massive bonking marathons without any shame or feeling pain. Cocaine is sold in grams and is snorted by filthy rich Ugandans who pay over Shs150K for a thin line".

Uganda Turns Into A Narcotics Haven | Red Pepper Online: Uganda News,Gossip
My God it sounds like the Bullingdon club on a slow Tuesday night, these Ugandans must up their game.
The Ugandan papers are a laugh a minute. Spent some time working out of Entebbe and Sunday night is the big party night there. Everyone goes to the roadside bars and gets loaded. Anyhow, some tart gets herself into the paper when she complains she's been raped after a piss up. Reporter asks her if she remembers the men who did it and she says no. Turns out she got well oiled and passed out next to the road. Taxi full of blokes pulls up, they all hop out and have a go on her, hop back in and bugger off. She wakes up in the morning with a very tender clunge dripping spaff alles uber die platz and figures out she's been had - literally!

Couldn't make up shit like this...
"Owamaria, a sexy Rwandese beauty and a prominent trader in Masaka Town who was recently nabbed pants down being shafted by a Mukene (Silver Fish) trader behind Ambiance Discotheque has dragged her hubby to police for assaulting her.

Registered at Masaka Police Station as CRB2334/2011, Owamaria accuses David Lwanyaga of smashing her face and putting her knickers in a saucepan full of boiling mukene"

Cheating Wife Drags Hubby To Police | Red Pepper Online: Uganda News,Gossip
This is better than Viz!

A businessman survived being castrated after he was found surfing his neighbour’s wife. Armed with an erect whopper, Yakut Kisoke, 34, a motor spare parts dealer in Wandegeya Kampala stormed one Awari Kameriki’s home in Bugongo village Buwunga Sub-county in Bugiri district on Sunday afternoon and began surfing his wife’s oil well.

However, just as the two secret lovebirds were busy caressing each other, Kameriki swung into action and sliced the vuvu terrorist on his head with a knife. His balls survived by a needle’s breadth after he shielded them with his hands. According to Kameriki, Kisoke, a hubby of two has allegedly been feasting on his wife’s oil. The poacher is admitted at Bugiri Hospital nursing grave wounds he sustained on his hands, thighs and head.

Businessman Caught Surfing Neighbour