Bum deal

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Dr_Evil, Jul 2, 2004.

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  1. Check this out: 8O



    Terror suspect Abu Hamza has reportedly been handed new £5,000 hooks by the NHS and his own bottom wiper in jail. The Islamic preacher has been fitted with replacement hooks after fears his original metal ones could be used as weapons.

    Worries Hamza may hurt himself wiping his bottom reportedly prompted officials to hire a £30,000-a-year nurse called Harry to do the job. The prison helper has earned the nickname Dirty Harry. A source told the Daily Mirror:

    "This guy has one of the worst jobs in the world. His main reason for being there is to clean Hamza's backside, everyone's having a laugh about it. But it can't be left unclean, it would be a health hazard."

    Hamza, 47, is in prison as the US attempts to extradite him on terror charges.

    Harry - recruited from a private agency - spends up to two hours a day with his charge. His other duties including cutting the inmate's nails, trimming his beard and changing his clothes.
  2. Harry is ex Int Corps who thought 'private agency' meant 'Super Secret Spys' when he applied to join. :wink:
  3. rumours are , with all that built up clag , hamza has asked that one of his new limbs has just one long finger.

    the new lightweight ultimo skiff .

    be afraid. 8O
  4. Could be a new Al Qaeda tactic: suicide skiffing.
  5. it would be a lot easier to slip through customs with nothing more than a "loaded" butt crack , and a clear idea of the top lip target you were after , blunkett for instance would be f**ked with all that facial fluff , and the first he'd know about it would be the sharp acrid tang of bum log under his nose.
    that dog of his aswell , dogs noses are 50 times sharper than ours , not a pleasant thought as "abdul" approaches with a "nicotine stained" digit. :twisted:
  6. It'll mean the airport security mongs having to get 'down and dirty' a bit more...
  7. Imagine the scene: Osama boards an aircraft with a fully-laden crack and sits there fermenting it for seven hours, then as it approaches US airspace, he bursts into the cockpit and skiffs the pilots. As they reel about in a horrified frenzy, he takes the controls, selects a national landmark of his choice and piles the plane in. Terrifying.
  8. :lol: :lol: :lol: that would be a flight recording worth listening to.
    "hello washington we're on final approa..... urgh what the f**k is that smell........... no NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
  9. :lol: :lol: lol lol lol...everywhere I go, there is talk of skiffing!
  10. Who the fcuk cleaned up hamza's cake before he went into pokey? I'd give him his sharpened hooks back and make him use that old "tracing paper" with HMG PROPERTY stamped on it. Thats impossible to use without pushing a finger through, let alone a diamond tipped hook. Hopefully the wnaker will tear himself a new arrsehole.
  11. Yup, 'John Wayne' bogpaper: it's rough, it's tough and it takes no sh1t from nobody...
  12. I blame soft toilet paper for the downfall of discipline in the ranks and the emergence of the Chav.

    When you used the tracing paper stuff, and not unexpectedly pushed a finger into the stink, why did you feel compelled to sniff your finger? Strange 8O
  13. Strange but not gut wrenching, like when you fart.
    You can stomach the smell of your own, some would even go as far as saying that they were "proud", particularly if the rest of the room are gagging for fresh air. :D

    But when someone else does it, there nothing more than a dirty,stinking cnut who should be disembowled! :evil:
  14. He's a muslim - they don't use loo roll you ignorant lot! There is always a tap in loos in morocco etc to clean up afterwards. :lol:
  15. Is that right? In Iraq, my team bought its bog paper in the local market - but maybe they just got it in stock for us.