Why don't Women don't fart like men do, why don't they burst out laughing after hearing a kracker rip through the keks, do they ever let an air biscuit go in a lift full of other people, and if they did would they start to giggle like demented four year olds after exiting the stinking odour infested lift. ? Well I know why - it's because they don't do them ! Or so I thought......until last night....... I was in the local last night with a bunch of friends, the lads were stood up at the bar, talking about the usual intelligent stuff that we men discuss,(every fcukin night) such as which waitress has the best arrse, norks, legs, lips etc, etc, - the women were sitting/standing "over there" talking about their next knitting pattern - but that's just a guess, for all we know they could have been discussing the latest in stem cell nanotechnology, but I seriously doubt it. Anyhoo, at one point a malodorous, obnoxious, putrefying stench came wading into our nostrils. The bar cleared in spectacular fashion, grown men pushed women and children aside to reach the exit, the bartender, thinking the nuclear plant had blown dialed 999, a chicken fired out the back kitchen door with a capon. (hey - it was cold outside). I was about to scream "gas, gas, gas" until my training kicked in and I yelled "242..mumble.32 .... Spank-it, Sah !!" instead, and sped out the door. I didn't really do that. Amidst yells, of, "who the....", "what the....", "holy fcukin.....", the women immediately cast aspersions our way, finger pointing most noticeably in my direction. cheesy grin on my face withstanding - I declared my innocence, - to be honest I would have been proud of the fcuker and gladly held my hand up, as would the other guys. No one owned up or dared to. It was a 'who dunnit" of epic proportions, until someone finally thought of checking the security camcorder.......................... . . here it is in all it's glory...... . . . . . . 18 years of marriage and I have never heard my wife, fart, trump, loose an air biscuit, blast, drop, cut, drift, muffle, or rip one, blow a backdoor trumpet. drop a booty bomb, drop a silent depth charge not even so much as a toot - but she is clearly able to clear out a tavern. - I've never been so proud of the munchkin. Surely the missus is not the only one......... is she ?????