Bull Milking and Sperm Catching

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Rocketeer, Nov 30, 2006.

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  1. Who comes up with these jobs and how do you find them? I mean, is there some College/University where one can go to become a ' certified ' Bovine Jackoff Expert?

    was reading about a prize winning bull that makes $ 250,000 for its owner in ' one shot '..

    Seems the fellow ' works ' 3 days a week..not bad for a chap weighing in at 1000kilos..he even has a personal vet, chiropractor, and massage therapist to keep him in comfort for the ' task' at hand..

    When he's ' ready' he's taken to a pen where a steer is brought in. The steer's role is simply to stand there and be mounted by the bull [ poor guy, doesn't even get a real piece of cow, but has to settle for a eunuch rent boy ]

    when he gets it up the first time, the ' certified' expert has to reach in and literally grab his penis and not allow him to ejaculate or penetrate [ dangerous assignment that ]

    One the second ' try' his thingy is sprayed with disinfectant

    and only on the third mount, does he get to shoot the load, as this builds up the quantity of the shot, at the last minute, the ' assistant' has to reach in with an artificial vagina just in time for the moment of glory and slide it on and then hold on while bully boy pumps half a litre of spunk into the jar.

    quite the task and woe betide there's any spillage as

    the jug is divided into doses, 2500 per jug.. each ' straw ' contains just a quarter of a millilitre of bull juice but 8-10 million sperm worth up to $ 1000 per ' straw '.

    With the average prize bully becoming 'sexually mature' at 10 months and at age 5 still only 2 years into his ' prime '..that's a lot of bull...

    quite the payoff..and, obviously profitable..but, I don't know.. trying to impress the babes in the local pub with what you do for a living with a story of ' teasing ' bulls with queer/steers and then hanging onto their penis for money somehow doesn't sound like a entree into their pants, especially when his shot is worth a hell of a lot less on the market.

    excepting MDN, of course, who sells out each tissue he w*nks into at a premium...
  2. watch Jackass 2 for a demo..

    except replace bovine for equine.....
    .....it's not often I gag!
  3. Haven't you seen the famous clip of Rebecca Loos (she of the David Beckham affair) extracting pig semen by the traditional manual method? It was on one of those celebrity reality shows where they all had to do farmhand stuff.
  4. At school my bezzie's brother was working for an AI outfit, he called his car the SpunkMobile - he carried frozen animal semen in the back - seemed like a cool job at the time.
  5. in my current place of work (animal research lab) about two years ago we had a study involving beagle sperm collection.

    To do this you needed a specific home office licence.... (required for any act which "may cause pain, suffering, distress or lasting harm" to the animals)

    I can therefore officially claim to be a fully licenced dog wa_nker

    As you can guess, this isnt the best line to use when ladies ask what your job is...