Bug out time imminent ... thoughts please?

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
#1
It's a long time since I posted a weepy look-at-me thread, so I thought I'd throw myself on the mercy of the new "caring sharing Arrse".

As some of you may know, I'm faced with selling my mother's house to pay for her care. So far, so shit.

They do say that house moves are right up there in the top three stressful situations, but apart from the usual rubbish connected with most sales/purchases, this is the family home of three generations, and my only home for the last 20 odd years.

I can't get my head around the fact that it will be gone forever. I've pulled my big girl superhero doorkicker pants up and tried to be positive, but I'm shitting myself, as it gets ever closer.

Any thoughts please? Am I being f*cking wet, or are these feelings understandable.
 

overopensights

ADC
Book Reviewer
#2
They are quite understandable, not only is it the end of your three generation family home but it's the end of things as you have known them, difficult for anybody. Is it not possible to rent it to pay the care costs, or is it the law that it has to be sold?
 
#3
As those who`ve achieved nothing in life get care homes for free here`s what I`d do , sell the house , draw it all in cash , fly to Vegas , blow £3k and have some fun, but tell the council you blew the lot and now they have to pay for your mothers care.

If you need advice on storing several hundred thousand £ in cash PM me,
 
#5
You are human and I feel your pain. We will
be moving in six months, and I will miss my first home we bought. Quite a few memories in this hovel. But it is what is, and life goes on. All you can do is adapt or die.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
They are quite understandable, not only is it the end of your three generation family home but it's the end of things as you have known them, difficult for anybody. Is it not possible to rent it to pay the care costs, or is it the law that it has to be sold?

The house is largely unrestored since it was built in the 1930s, mostly due to my dad being disabled, and not trusting anyone working in the house, then looking after my mother with increasing vascular dementia.

So it's not really viable to rent unless I paid about £50k for works to be done! I accepted a good offer last week from someone who wants a "project", so I hope it's third time lucky after being mucked about by ********* for almost six months. I want to get this over with quickly (even if I don't, if you see what I mean). :confused:
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
Speak to someone you know and trust; not the semi-anonymous ********* on here?
Good point, as ever, old chap.

I'm not sure how people can be semi-anonymous? There's also not many ********* left nowadays - if you don't know who they are etc. :p

Serious answer, I'm not really looking for practical advice, just thoughts and a bit of support.
 
#8
Nah , you're not being wet .......it's shit , so no wonder you are finding it tough .
Every fibre of the property let alone the contents will have memories so keep the pants pulled up and also don't be shy of asking for help from friends both for moral support but also with dealing with the more physical side of the sale .
Don't underestimate the affect stress can have .......it's bad enough having to sell the house without worrying about your Mum , tell your Doctor how you feel ....they may be able to help . In your situation the principle carer often forgets to look after themselves..........you must be not right or stressed to have posted on ARRSE asking for either advice or sympathy .
 

Sixty

ADC
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#9
Good point, as ever, old chap.

I'm not sure how people can be semi-anonymous? There's also not many ********* left nowadays - if you don't know who they are etc. :p

Serious answer, I'm not really looking for practical advice, just thoughts and a bit of support.
It wasn't a dig by any means. Talk to someone you trust who can take you for brunch/a cup of tea/a pint and unload there. Bit of tears and so on then some clarity.
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
#10
Good point, as ever, old chap.

I'm not sure how people can be semi-anonymous? There's also not many ********* left nowadays - if you don't know who they are etc. :p

Serious answer, I'm not really looking for practical advice, just thoughts and a bit of support.
Get a toyboy
a rich one
lots of blokes like 70 year old 25 stone birds
on a positive note, try to store some things that are relevant and remind you off your happier times, and take them with you when you move, if you need the place burnt down for an insurance claim get me round , I am cheap but dodgy
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
#11
PS I have a friend working not far from you, shes a bit down as well if you want PM me and I can sort you both out for a good cry/cake eating sesh and gossip about me
 
#13
Is the house owned by your Mum? If she isn’t already in care, you may be able to look into shared ownership, if it is split between you/hubby/sibling/mum you may not have to sell as selling her share would be improbable
Perhaps others more knowledgeable may be able to comment?
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
#14
You are human and I feel your pain. We will
be moving in six months, and I will miss my first home we bought. Quite a few memories in this hovel. But it is what is, and life goes on. All you can do is adapt or die.
Good luck to you, Jonesy.
 
#15
Speak to someone you know and trust; not the semi-anonymous ********* on here?
I am not sure that Bob was asking for legal or financial advice or even how to cheat the system... rather a discussion about her emotions arising from the sale of her home.

People Bob knows and trusts are (with all good intention) likely to say only the things they think she wants to hear rather than perhaps the stuff she needs to hear.

Bob... man the **** up and get a grip.
 

W21A

LE
Book Reviewer
#16
Keep focused, get it done, get your mum sorted and yourself it to whatever accom you can live with. Once all these things are done collapse into a case of prosecco. I don't give a hoot what anyone says, alcohol is a great consoler, if a bad friend.
 
#17
This will sound wet but here goes. I am looking after my parents (sharing visits home with siblings so one of us is there each weekend). Dealing with the whole issue, never mind selling up, is hard. It takes a lot to adjust to the nature of ageing, to see your parents in decline, etc. It is stressful. I would just recommend not to be hard on yourself - try not to listen to the inner voice that will be asking whether you are handling the situation well; or reproaching yourself for feeling anxious. If it's hard to block out that voice, accept that you are doing your best at a difficult time.
I have been back to former houses and, once the important other person (s) are not there, it's amazing how quickly the house can seem less important.
I hope it works out OK.
 
Last edited:

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
#18
It wasn't a dig by any means. Talk to someone you trust who can take you for brunch/a cup of tea/a pint and unload there. Bit of tears and so on then some clarity.

Thanks for the kind words Sixty. The reason I'm asking on here is I've exhausted everyone else.

Not by crying or boring them shitless, but simply because the only people I know either have troubles of their own, or are too busy/cosy/complacent to understand.
 
#19
It's a long time since I posted a weepy look-at-me thread, so I thought I'd throw myself on the mercy of the new "caring sharing Arrse".

As some of you may know, I'm faced with selling my mother's house to pay for her care. So far, so shit.

They do say that house moves are right up there in the top three stressful situations, but apart from the usual rubbish connected with most sales/purchases, this is the family home of three generations, and my only home for the last 20 odd years.

I can't get my head around the fact that it will be gone forever. I've pulled my big girl superhero doorkicker pants up and tried to be positive, but I'm shitting myself, as it gets ever closer.

Any thoughts please? Am I being f*cking wet, or are these feelings understandable.
Feel sorry for you mate. God Bless You.
 
#20
It's a long time since I posted a weepy look-at-me thread, so I thought I'd throw myself on the mercy of the new "caring sharing Arrse".

As some of you may know, I'm faced with selling my mother's house to pay for her care. So far, so shit.

They do say that house moves are right up there in the top three stressful situations, but apart from the usual rubbish connected with most sales/purchases, this is the family home of three generations, and my only home for the last 20 odd years.

I can't get my head around the fact that it will be gone forever. I've pulled my big girl superhero doorkicker pants up and tried to be positive, but I'm shitting myself, as it gets ever closer.

Any thoughts please? Am I being f*cking wet, or are these feelings understandable.
Perfectly normal feelings. I've been through it twice. When my parents passed on clearing their house and finally closing the door for the last time was gutting. Memories a plenty, not all good, but it was their home for more than 30 years and it had all come to an end. The house clearing was particularly painful.

On a separate trip I passed the house we had for the first 6 years of my life. Massive place that had been in the family for a while. Cost 100 pounds to build, dad sold it for two grand because the roof was about to fall in due to rot. It had been renovated and was on the market 50 years later for half a million. I was shown round by the owner and all the memories came flooding back. Seriously thought about buying it back, possible but I'd also have to sell my present pile and I'm quite attached to that at the moment.
 

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