Buffet Ideas

Discussion in 'Cookery' started by Ondy, Jul 25, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Its soon to be my dear old granny's 75th birthday, and were going to be doing a buffet for her and 40 guests. Its going to be taking place on a canal barge *sigh*, so im hoping to make the food a bit more lively an a bit poshed up, not the bowl of crisps, scotch eggs and cheese & pineapple jobbie.

    Anyone got suggestions :?
  2. Lots of things you can do, I'll PM you in the morning, but have you had a look at the barge?

    Okay there will be seating and tables to sit the drink on, but will there be space/long tables to set up a cold buffet for 40 people?

    bear in mind most platters are round or oval and various sizes. Even dinner plate size will need even MORE room, plus paper/china plates, cutlery, napkins and not forgetting bin bags, which you may have to remove yourself...

    The thing most folk forget is refridgeration. Has it been cooked and then COOLEd properly and kept below 5c. How long between transport from family fridges to venue, and how long will it be on "display".

    90 minutes is the max recommendation.

    But you may arrive at 6.30pm, guests in for 7pm and say eating at 9pm. Family will arrive at 7pm say, bringing food with them so it already way over the safe zone for toxins to develop.

    Don't want to piss on your parade but as a Chef, we don't eat buffets for these reasons.

    If I go down with the trots I'm off for a week, it's another week until the returned stool sample results give me the all clear - that's two weeks off without pay.

    If I make someone ill it's a £20,000 fine per PERSON, never mind the jail term that's added!!!

    A barge in the country sounds idyllic, but any chance you could get a community hall? It's bigger, closer and may have some fridge facilities.

    Any other queries Ondy just ask - will PM you tomorrow.
  3. You could be onto something there, and the good thing about sherry is theres never a low proof substitute around. Gotta be careful we dont get any drunk overboards though, my nans a proper handful i tell you! :D

    Most, infact none of that had crossed my mind! Havent seen the barge but its meant to big, and its got booths in it apparently so i suppose the food would go into one of those. I need to find out more about it and maybe the food will be limited by the space??? When you think of all that stuff you mentioned, then the food, drinks, and then the cake, its sounds 'cosy' already.

    That is one expensive shi...bowl movement.

    Hang about though, you know alot about Food H & S, thought you were a sparky? :scratch:
  4. Check PM Ondy.

    Sparky is my nickname and the nmbrs are my last four in case folks are confused. :D
  5. An item of buffet food will within 5 mintues of the buffet opening have 10 seperate trace urine samples on it........this is due to the common problem of men/children ( rarely women) not washing their hands and then feeling the need to pick up and inspect the food on display, deside against it and put it back.

    Learnt this on my Health and Hygene certificate course and for this reason I also aviod all types of buffet food.



    P.S at the end of the evening a bowl of nuts on a public house bar can contain anything up to 80 different trace urine samples
  6. WW

    Too true, however...

    As children, my brothers and sisters and I were "encouraged" to wash our hands after being outside, before/after the toilet, before and after eating etc.

    We soon learned that carbolic stung less than a thrashing from my Gran.

    In the 70's if you were seen washing yer mitts in the gent's sink ye were a poof!!!

    I can honestly say that these days, a bloke leaving the gents WITHOUT washing his mitts will incurr tut tutts and "hoy mingin git" etc.

    I'm glad times have changed in this respect but there are, you're right, still some who are manky barrstuards!!!

    Peanuts on the bar is a classic....
  7. The salt on the peanuts will kill the germs.

    Considering the "barge". If this is a canal narrow boat it will be a maximum of 70 ft long and less than 7 feet wide. Internally it will be be more like 60' by 6' 6". It will have about 5' 10" feet of headroom and access will be down steps from the deck at each end through a narrow door with low headroom. One chemical toilet will be provided. I can think of no worse place to try to feed forty people with a buffet.

    Take a careful look at the dimensions and then imagine another thirty six people in there:

    Hope you're not inviting this bloke!
    Makes the point about dimensions again though.

    This commercial outfit only reckon on catering for 12 and they do it for a living:

    As for the buffet itself, promise me there won't be vol-au-vents with cold condensed mushroom soup in them!
  8. Well said Ex-Stab.

    And those pictures were the clincher.

    "A Pitcher is worth a thousand turds" as my Gran used to say.

    Over to you Ondy...
  9. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Have a look at my Sausage roll thread, Just cut the snags in half to make them bitesize ot use cocktail ones.
  10. Yes,

    use this barge.

  11. This is making me hungry.......

    Tell them to wear sensible shoes.
    If they are elderly, going on a canal boat, & probably having a tipple, they need the right shoes, or you'll be fishing them out of the water all night.... :eek:
    It better be a bloody big boat if you're having 40 guests....could be a little, er, cosy in there.
  12. mysteron

    mysteron LE Book Reviewer

    Ondy, putting aside H&S for a moment. One can argue that street parties of days yonder did all of the sins mentioned above and it was all fine - well, fine but your will be like the leper at a beauty pageant with the rest of our family does end up on the throne wishing their life away.

    So....here is an alternative - why not order a pig/hogget to be roasted on the hard standing adjacent? BBQ never works as it either raw or burnt for the volume of people you are talking about.