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Brutal Esquire Personals

#4
Has to be a wind-up:

Age: 30 Male
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 185
Occupation: Unemployed
Number of sexual partners: 0
Last date: Never
Location: San Francisco
Seeking: A good-looking, intelligent woman who can overlook my physical shortcomings and teach me about love. Please hurry.

I am a thirty-year-old virgin '8O' on the verge of giving up on love. When I do have a job, it's low paying, and credit consolidators take half of what I earn. I'm behind on my rent, emotionally closed, and take medication to treat my depression. I'm short, not that attractive, a little fat, and have a very small penis :lol: . I also have a problem with excessive farting :lol: . I studied mathematics in college but still live under the delusional hope of becoming an actor :roll: .

Gets my vote!
 
#5
8O 8O

Age: 40ish female
Height: 5'7"
Weight: a lady NEVER tells her weight you cad you!
Occupation: Unemployed
Number of sexual partners: 0, well there’s a zero in there somewhere I’m sure!
Last date: Did another person of the opposite sex have to actually attend?
Location: England
Seeking: A good-looking, intelligent man who can overlook my physical shortcomings and teach me about love. Must be SAS and able to fend off the maniacs that stalk my every movement and hound my daily life! I NEED A HERO.

I am a 40ish year-old prune '8O' on the verge of giving up on love. When I do have a job, it's low paying, and credit consolidators take half of what I earn. I'm behind on my rent, emotionally closed, and take medication to treat my depression. I'm short, not that attractive, and have a very big gash due to excessive usage and a variety of household appliances having been up there and a few lost in there! :lol: . I also have a problem with excessive farting, wind and a wild imagination :lol: . I studied the effects of PTSD in college and have created a few charities, well in my head anyway! :lol: but still live under the delusional hope of becoming a pilots love bunny :roll: .
8O 8O

Well!

Beebs
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#10
Gunny Highway said:
Has to be a wind-up:

Age: 30 Male
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 185
Occupation: Unemployed
Number of sexual partners: 0
Last date: Never
Location: San Francisco
Seeking: A good-looking, intelligent woman who can overlook my physical shortcomings and teach me about love. Please hurry.

I am a thirty-year-old virgin '8O' on the verge of giving up on love. When I do have a job, it's low paying, and credit consolidators take half of what I earn. I'm behind on my rent, emotionally closed, and take medication to treat my depression. I'm short, not that attractive, a little fat, and have a very small penis :lol: . I also have a problem with excessive farting :lol: . I studied mathematics in college but still live under the delusional hope of becoming an actor :roll: .

Gets my vote!

Of course it's a wind up, MDN's lying about his height.
 
#11
Cutaway said:
Gunny Highway said:
Has to be a wind-up:

Age: 30 Male
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 185
Occupation: Unemployed
Number of sexual partners: 0
Last date: Never
Location: San Francisco
Seeking: A good-looking, intelligent woman who can overlook my physical shortcomings and teach me about love. Please hurry.

I am a thirty-year-old virgin '8O' on the verge of giving up on love. When I do have a job, it's low paying, and credit consolidators take half of what I earn. I'm behind on my rent, emotionally closed, and take medication to treat my depression. I'm short, not that attractive, a little fat, and have a very small penis :lol: . I also have a problem with excessive farting :lol: . I studied mathematics in college but still live under the delusional hope of becoming an actor :roll: .

Gets my vote!
Of course it's a wind up, MDN's lying about his height.

Still waiting for you to put YOUR profile up there Cuts. :wink:
Yours would be very ahem "interesting", seeing as the words copraphiliac, amputee, necrophilia and formaldehyde will feature in it.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#13
Hitlerwasabitnaughty said:
Still waiting for you to put YOUR profile up there Cuts. :wink:
Yours would be very ahem "interesting", seeing as the words copraphiliac, amputee, necrophilia and formaldehyde will feature in it.
I don't need to put anything onto a Lonely Hearts site.
None of my hearts are lonely in the slightest, they all sit in their little jars next to each other on the larder shelf.
 
#14
Cutaway said:
Hitlerwasabitnaughty said:
Still waiting for you to put YOUR profile up there Cuts. :wink:
Yours would be very ahem "interesting", seeing as the words copraphiliac, amputee, necrophilia and formaldehyde will feature in it.
I don't need to put anything onto a Lonely Hearts site.
None of my hearts are lonely in the slightest, they all sit in their little jars next to each other on the larder shelf.
Can you send me one? I don't think I have one of my own anymore. I lost it about 18mnths ago.
 
#15
Gunny Highway said:
Has to be a wind-up:

Age: 30 Male
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 185
Occupation: Unemployed
Number of sexual partners: 0
Last date: Never
Location: San Francisco
Seeking: A good-looking, intelligent woman who can overlook my physical shortcomings and teach me about love. Please hurry.

I am a thirty-year-old virgin '8O' on the verge of giving up on love. When I do have a job, it's low paying, and credit consolidators take half of what I earn. I'm behind on my rent, emotionally closed, and take medication to treat my depression. I'm short, not that attractive, a little fat, and have a very small penis :lol: . I also have a problem with excessive farting :lol: . I studied mathematics in college but still live under the delusional hope of becoming an actor :roll: .

Gets my vote!

5'11' is short???? that makes me a 5'8" Dwarf!!
 

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