Bruised balls

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Aug 21, 2004.

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  1. I got to bed late last night after I had caught up on a big bag of paperwork.

    This morning I tried to have a lay in but infant MDN and Mrs MDN decided that was unlikely to happen. In the end I pulled the pillow over my head and tried to battle against the noise of the hoover.

    All went quiet and I thought I was in for a promise as I could feel hand movement round my plums........ I pretended to be asleep. Then the hoover fired up and my schlong started to vanish at a great rate of knots down the tube of the dyson.

    FCUK me it hurt, the pitch changed as it grabbed my scrote and started to force a bollock down the tube.......... I was frozen in fear and Mrs MDN was useless for laughing. It seemed like an eternity before the power was cut and I now have a bruise on my bag. I really thought the poor thing was going to be severed

    I had the last laugh though as with a little teasing action etc the dyson make an awesome noshing machine, privided you use the end nearest the handle and keep the on switch close to hand.
     
  2. is the bruise blue coloured MDN? :wink: i can see a pettern developing here :lol:
     
  3. Right MDN, my solicitor will be in touch: by failing to mention that I should not use an industrial refrigeration vacuum pump for the afore-mentioned evolution, you have failed in your duty of care towards me. 8O

    Your's, at approximately three octaves higher,

    Bernoulli.
     
  4. What's a 'pettern'?
     
  5. it is very similar to a pattern :oops:
     
  6. Would that be Scottish for 'pattern' (as in 'peh' for 'pie' and 'skeh' for 'sky'?)
     
  7. similar! but different :)
     
  8. Oh right!. That's cleared that one up then. :?
     
  9. Reading MDNs post has inspired me to confess...

    For several years now i have suffered with the cruel affliction known as Morphy Richards Syndrome..... where a person often gets the urge to bring them selfs off on everyday house hold appliances.....

    In the last month alone i have conquered a rolling pin, electric toothbrush, hoover (i now only have one ovary) and the shower head (i am eternally grateful to the Morphy Richards sufferer who put me onto that one :wink: )

    I am currently trying to master my Breville Pie Maker.... which is taking some doing, however Mr Cait seems rather pleased with the current spate of meat pies and fruit flans.

    Surly there are more sufferers out there?
     
  10. On closer inspection this morning I have a blood blister at the point where my sack meets my body, it hurts like hell and it feels like I have been hoofed in the the nuts by a bison.

    I wish she would fcuk off out so I can get to work on mastering the 'Dyson do-nut draining device' :D

    If it works to a good standard, I'm gonna teach the hoover to cook and clean and send Mrs Do nut packing.......
     
  11. Saw a toe curling docco a few weeks ago on this subject , some bloke , tired of not getting enough suction from the hose attachment decided to "introduce" his old fella straight into the hoover opening ..... unfortunately it was an old type hoover with a steel fan blade lurking , just about a helmets length inside the opening , so matey gets whisked off to hospital after teling the ambulancemen he's been stabbed in the groin (yeah , good one) with half his todger wrapped around the inside the cleaner......... so beware MDN , go easy fella , better a bruised plum than something that looks like a cigar someone has put one of those trick bangers in the end of. 8O
     
  12. I saw that one too....the funny one was the septic who stuck his knob in the swimming pool sucktion inlet and then tried to sue the hotel...

    Rincewind
     
  13. Get your revenge by tipping out half of her shampoo and replacing it with Immac. The she'll have no choice but to adopt Coronation St chic and wear a headscarf until her barnet grows back :twisted:
     
  14. Sadly Cait, I think you have succumbed to the classic symptoms of Domestic Goddess Syndrome...........you'll never shake MDN off now! :wink: :D
     
  15. Oh the joy of shagging a girl in the kitchen and plonking her arrse on the washing machie just before it went into full spin mode.