Brown blows our cash!

#1
From the late edition of The Sun:

BROWN BLOWS MoD SAVINGS IN 72 HOUR "BENDER"

An embarrassed Gordon Brown faced the House of Commons Defence Select Committee tonight and admitted that the 18 billion pounds which he had clawed back from the Ministry of Defence after the controversial cuts had been spent on 72 hours of drunkenness, debauchery and general mayhem.

Drunk

Fishing a lager can and the remnants of a doner kebab out of his ministerial red box, Gordon Brown explained to the Committee that on Sunday evening eight years of prudence had suddenly taken its toll.

Talking to a group of supporters after his traumatic session was over, Brown explained how the MoD windfall economic planning had turned to debauchery. "I was sitting in my office, with Ed Balls and Eddie George, just putting the final touches to the speech," he told us, downing another paracetamol, "and one of us - I think it was Eddie, but it might have been me - said 'Let's see what this would look like in cash.' Before long, we were down at the Bank of England, and Eddie was trying to remember the combination to the safe."

And so, instead of detailed tax and spending plans, Brown was forced to present the HCDSC with a series of receipts showing where he and his colleagues had spent the money. They began with a series of lunatic bets, gambling a million pounds a time at William Hill on whether they could balance Brown's red box on their nose for 20 seconds or more.

Fourteen bottles of Laphroig

Taking fourteen bottles of Laphroig with them, their next stop was the London Eye, where they paid £15 million to have the wheel spun at 35mph and each of them sprayed champagne out of their cubicle, in Gordon Brown's words "to create a pleasing Catherine Wheel effect."

Staggering out, they happened next upon the Ministry of Sound "which seemed like too good an opportunity to miss." On being denied entry for being "too old," Ed Balls took enormous offence and promptly bought the entire establishment.

As the next day dawned and the stock market opened for business, Brown suggested a game of Russian Roulette, where each member of the trio bought Russian companies at random, claiming shareholders dividend on those not irredeemably corrupted by the Mafia. The total stake came to four billion pounds, and the total payout about enough roubles to buy a packet of monster munch at Vladivistok prices. Eddie George later described this as 'real progress', but Brown moaned that they 'might as well have put it into BOWMAN.'

Anyone fancy a curry?

Seized by a desire for further investment, the three sank 2 billion into new procurement projects (by means of cheques written at random in the NFT café during a hangover recovery period). It is possible that the binge would have stopped there, had Brown not said "Does anyone fancy a curry?" whereupon an almighty quest for the perfect Chicken Tikka Massalla began which culminated in Pakistan - a jaunt that was explained away to stunned British Airways staff as "a liasion visit in the ongoing war against terror."

Returning in the early hours of the morning, the remnants of Britain's economic prosperity were finally disposed of during a paper plane contest with £50 notes from the dome of St Paul's.

Ugly scenes ensued in the Common's Tea Room after Gordon Brown concluded his remarks and sat down, when Michael Howard jumped to his feet and spent the next 15 minutes telling assembled MPs how much drunker he could have got for the same money and by the way, the receipts came up £14.23 short.

The future of the British Army's remaining Battalion is not thought to be affected.
 
#4
The_Sloping_Wire said:
From the late edition of The Sun:

BROWN BLOWS MoD SAVINGS IN 72 HOUR "BENDER"

An embarrassed Gordon Brown faced the House of Commons Defence Select Committee tonight and admitted that the 18 billion pounds which he had clawed back from the Ministry of Defence after the controversial cuts df the British Army's remaining Battalion is not thought to be affected.
Hmmm,

Not quite as bad as reality. See this little gem. How many regiments could you fund with 2.2 billion dollars?

http://www.iii.co.uk/community/?type=editorial&id=33475#replies

Bit long but here is the relevant paragraph.


Gold for dollars

Consider the evidence. About six years ago the Treasury announced that it was planning to sell more than half of Britain's gold reserves. It completed the first sale in May 1999 at a price of $260 an ounce and then compounded the error by announcing when the remaining sales would take place. You can imagine the glee at bullion desks all around the City. The government finished the disposal programme in March 2002. Looking at the chart of the gold price over the period, the sale probably netted some $280 an ounce.

The ostensible reason for the sale was to reduce the dependence on an asset that accounted for a large proportion of the reserves. The real question is where did the proceeds of the sale end up? I am sure someone knows the answer to this, but my suspicion is that most of the proceeds stayed in US dollars, most probably in US Treasury bonds. If it did then we have the situation that the gold was sold at $280 when its current price is $450, while the dollar has depreciated. Not bad for an asset that political sophisticates doubtless consider to be, in Keynes's words, a 'barbarous relic'.

Flawed logic and nightmare trade

This is everyone's nightmare trade. It would have got any fund manager who perpetrated it sacked. Selling an asset that has been a reliable store of value for centuries in exchange for bonds in a currency that is capable of being seriously debased by the actions of politicians. Doubtless it seemed a good idea at the time. On the basis of 32,150 troy ounces to the metric ton, the gold would be worth $2.2 billion more now than it was then, except of course for the fact that the value of the dollar has fallen.

Though this might seem some consolation, of course it only points up the flawed logic of the Treasury decision, because gold is, at it turns out, near enough a perfect hedge for holdings of dollars. So not only has the Treasury sold at the wrong price, it has removed the hedge it had and therefore arguably increased rather than reduced its vulnerability to currency movements, gaining only meagre interest income in exchange.
t
 
#5
I learned long ago that with Labour all you have to do is give them time.
I have conducted quite bitter arguments with folk on other boards on the finanicial policies of Labour and had Gordens "Good House keeping" shoved down my throat.
Just wait and Labour will burden your children with debts.
Now we are told that the folks who voted Labour in, in 45 and received the first state pensions, well the children who have paid for those pensions may not get what labour promised all those years ago.
It's not as if UK pensions where generous, as compared with the financial disaster that is Italy, let alone the Frogs Krauts and every dog they can drag into their new Europe.
john
 

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