Broon calls Ocean Finance

How should Labour's financial troubles be resolved?

  • Make poverty history with a taxpayer bailout - it's essential for democracy

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Massive bung to union donors - it's essential for democracy

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Wind up New Labour and form New New Labour

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Auction peerages on eBay - it's essential for democracy

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Phone Tony & Cherie - they're loaded

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • All cabinet members to donate a kidney for sale in the far east

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0
#1
It's all going Pete Tong for our former Iron Chancellor.

Not only has he knackered the nation's finances, it seems Labour Party HQ may be relocating to Skid Row in the near future. Labour Home reveals that the party owes over £20 million quid with around half its loans overdue for repayment. Link

With annual donations running at only about £5 million per year and members deserting Labour faster than chavs deserting a job fair, the future looks bleak. If the party does go under, individual members will be personally responsible for the debts to the tune of over 100 quid each.

On the basis that there's no problem that cannot be solved by Arrse power, what should be done to remedy Labour's financial problems? A few suggestions are above. A few more would be welcome.
 
#2
Every single serviceman who has been affected by JPA blunders should immediately take JPA/Govt to the small claims court.

There, that is a start.

This country is rapidly approaching a tailspin, caused by incompetence at the highest levels. A final push in the courts is now required.
 
#3
Ancient_Mariner said:
It's all going Pete Tong for our former Iron Chancellor.

Not only has he knackered the nation's finances, it seems Labour Party HQ may be relocating to Skid Row in the near future. Labour Home reveals that the party owes over £20 million quid with around half its loans overdue for repayment. Link

With annual donations running at only about £5 million per year and members deserting Labour faster than chavs deserting a job fair, the future looks bleak. If the party does go under, individual members will be personally responsible for the debts to the tune of over 100 quid each.

On the basis that there's no problem that cannot be solved by Arrse power, what should be done to remedy Labour's financial problems? A few suggestions are above. A few more would be welcome.

Time for another hand out to the unions then (wasn't it 10 million last time) and completely coincidentaly and not related in any way a donation from the unions to labour (about 11 million last time).
 
#4
Buy the debt and call it in?
Labour declared bankrupt. Government collapses, General Election.
 
#5
If I might take the liberty of suggesting an addition to the list? The Cabinet and NEC could be made to give manual relief to old men in the back alleys of Soho. They've screwed enough pensioners so far, only fair the favour's returned and a total of 32p would at least be a start.
 
#6
I don't see an option for nationalising the Labour Party, AM?

Is that because you couldn't persuade Richard Branson to take an interest? He would have done if you'd mentioned the possibility of a posh seat somewhere or other.... allegedly!

Litotes
 
#7
smartascarrots said:
... The Cabinet and NEC could be made to give manual relief to old men in the back alleys of Soho.
A good suggestion, but I can see two potential problems.

Firstly, after Gordon's pension raid, old men like us are skint so we'd be unable to make a dent in Labour's 13 million quid overdraft with the Co-Op Bank, let alone their other debts.

Secondly, somebody would have to endure hand relief from Jaqui Smith, our cleavage flashing Home Secretary. Surely such an ordeal would be far beyond what any man should be expected to sacrifice for the good of the country. As she's scared to walk the streets at night her Met Police bodyguards would no doubt be looking on and sniggering.
 
#8
EX_STAB said:
Buy the debt and call it in? Labour declared bankrupt. Government collapses, General Election.
Damn, you beat me to it. :D

Ancient_Mariner said:
smartascarrots said:
... The Cabinet and NEC could be made to give manual relief to old men in the back alleys of Soho.
Firstly, after Gordon's pension raid, old men like us are skint so we'd be unable to make a dent in Labour's 13 million quid overdraft with the Co-Op Bank, let alone their other debts.
How about setting up something similar to those anger management bars they have in Japan and China where you get to pay to beat up the staff, only with Labour politicians? Dragoon all the members of the Cabinet and junior ministers into it and you could make millions. I figure you could charge on a sliding scale - start off low with the no name parliamentary under secretaries of state getting more expensive the more recognisable they become and finishing with Gordon Brown as the most expensive.

Alan Johnson - plenty of nurses and doctors that might want friendly chat and know how to do the most damage, Jacqui Smith - enough pissed off police and prison staff to make it very lucrative, David Miliband - just an annoying smarmy little bastard so we'll start him if mid way between Gordie and the no names as the economy choice, Alistair Darling -****ed up things enough that there would be more than enough takers, Des Browne - I'm sure we could find some military types or Scots that would like to give him a kicking even if he was priced at the expensive end of the market and Gordon Brown himself - some many people would want this one you'd probably have to charge 20/30,000 pounds a time just to keep him alive. :)
 
#10
Welcome to reality - welcome to the world of New Labour. The world where capitalism has broken down and if your conglomerate fails the government bails you out :D
 
#11
You're all a bunch of right wing throbbers. Can't you get with the programme?

The One-Eye GOD has created a modern social-democratic system where those taking outnumber those giving - thus ensuring a popular vote at election time.

Moreover, he has rid our great country of the despicable class system based on family blood not individual performance. We can now proudly proclaim that the New Labour 'classes' are as follows: idle rich, working and welfare. Why sweat your guts out through 'working class' to proclaim yourself as 'idle rich', when you can simply put your feet up and claim 'welfare' status?

Why do you mock such a feat of true magnificence? The only reason that the current hiccup in finances exists is because of those poor deluded peasant terrorists (you know, the ones lead by that demi-royal chappie from Saudi - the results of an unreformed society where the 'haves' exploit the 'have-nots') not giving up when they were told to a few years back.
 
#12
Labour and Finance, how often have I said just leave Labour and they will screw up the economy.
Can't even handle their personal accounts.
john
 
#13
Welcome to ZanuLabour world. Where the Conservative party are campaigning to cap donations and the ZL types are desparately seeking someone with no morals, sense and a large bag of cash.

Is it just me or the last 10 years were a complete sketch?
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top