Broken jaw - help with what to eat!

#1
HI all, long story - involving chav cnuts, so I won't bother you all with it. :(
Anyway what I need is ideas for what to eat other than poxy soup, any Ideas would be great, but please not too many crazy ones as it hurts like feck to laugh at the moment - cheers!
 
#3
jarrod248 said:
porridge, rice pudding, ice-cream, soup with some bread in it, mashed potato with cheese, mashed up stew.

Good point, use a decent blender and almost everything is edible!

It is also a good excuse to eat Steak Tartar!!
 
#7
jarrod248 said:
mashed up stew.
..or stewed up mash...semen.....clam soup...beaver soup...fur burger soup....breast milk....farleys rusks...snails...erm... other soft things like souped up mashy stew....wet farts...
 
#8
squiffy_parsons said:
jarrod248 said:
mashed up stew.
..or stewed up mash...semen.....clam soup...beaver soup...fur burger soup....breast milk....farleys rusks...snails...erm... other soft things like souped up mashy stew....wet farts...
Ouch!! :lol:
 
#10
All of the above. There's a ratio between how badly it's broken and how much pain you get from chewing. Work out a happy medium and judge your food intake accordingly: - i.e. mushy peas or rare steak? or somewhere in between. All sorts of different beans to choose from for fibre and meat pates etc for protein - suck, dont chew. No pleasure without pain. You'll get the hang of it by trial and error.
 
#11
five-minute-fagbreak said:
HI all, long story - involving chav cnuts, so I won't bother you all with it. :(
Anyway what I need is ideas for what to eat other than poxy soup, any Ideas would be great, but please not too many crazy ones as it hurts like feck to laugh at the moment - cheers!
what happened then ya soft cnut!!
 
#13
Blender; bananas + milk
Raw peanuts (from a health food shop) roasted, then blended with milk.
That's your diet for 6 weeks; enjoy. I didn't.

BTW, if you have your teeth wired together, don't ever try to stifle a sneeze; just spread your lips and spray the surroundings.

Beware of conversations like this;
Woman; " What's wrong with your mouth?"
You " I broke my jaw in two places, I've got to have my teeth wired together for 6 weeks"
Woman "Oooh, have you lost any weight?"

When this happens, you must resist the urge to strangle the stupid bitch.
 
#14
Semolina with jam! Good comfort food and good for you!

Well cooked spinach with stalks trimmed out.

Scrambled eggs. - good with the spinach.

Cottage pie.

Haggis and mashed neaps and tatties.

Milk.

Hot chocolate.

Horlicks etc.

Chocolate mouse (or mousse even!)

egg custard (without pastry)

Custard, perhaps with soft fruit such as tinned mandarin segments.

Macaroni cheese. (Overcook the pasta so that it's really soft.)

Milk shakes - Banana milk shake has plenty of energy.

Real (cask or bottled) ale, especially stout. Plenty of calories, mild anaesthetic properties and easy on the stomach. (And it's beer :thumleft: )

Best wishes for your recovery!
 

Pob02

LE
Book Reviewer
#16
Liquidiser:
Roast dinner in a pint glass !
 
#17
a mate had his wired after a chav attack with baseball bats and the doc reccomended cans of liquid diet food,nastiest stuff ever invented.
after a few weeks of this,he asked me to pull a couple of his crowns off the front with the leatherman,and he sliced raw fillet steak up,dropped it in the hole.
A few weeks after that,he got angry with the way he was being treated by the NHS,and snipped the wires himself. Jaw didnt look too warped...
 
#18
I knew this monster in Admin. He was the biggest fat bassa you could ever live to meet. Honestly, if he got stabbed in the guts a room full of people would drown.

So he has his jaw wired up - then a five bar gate inserted with a side plate from the Titanic welded to it.

But, he blended up cod and chips and nicked it in through the side of his mouth with a bloody straw.

FGS.
 
#20
How I wish I could offer to organise a revenge posse on your behalf. Wouldn't it be sweet to be able to hunt those responsible down and callously stamp on their faces without mercy. And then defecate down their battered airways. And then stamp on them some more, etcetera.

You could try getting a juicer and a book on juicing. You can live on a raw food diet you know.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0761511261/?tag=armrumser-21

Alternatively, my Irish friends swear that you can survive on a diet of Guinness.
 

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