Britvik and the Uncivil Service.

#1
I was just thinking that if Norway had a voluntary organisation for the outing of dangerous walts, like ARRSE. Britvik, who was well walt, would probably have had the cut of his jib checked by the bungling Norwegian police well in advance of his attrocities.

ARRSE provides an important public service it would seem and this should be recognised!

What other public services does ARRSE provide?

Well the diplomatic Corps, by definition, are very poor at telling foreignors to fuck off, we have no problem doing that. The Immigration office could also benefit from our expertise. An undiplomatic corps would obviously be of use and we have the experts and many linguists right here on hand.

My proposal, "The Ministery of Foreign Fuck Off Tablets," could also have wide reaching implications for health and hygeine and in preventing future conflicts. Who else will tirelessly point out to the French that they are a soap shy bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys who cannot fight their way out of a paper bag. If we point out to the Americans that they are as fat as fuck and as thick as two short planks perhaps they'll look into their nation's nutrition and education systems!

£60,000 a year and a tax free contribution free civil service pension for every time served arrser and the nation is saved!

What other services could we provide?
 
#2
Agree whole heartedly, unfortunately common sense ideas will never catch on. Other than that how's about giving us a Gimpy or 3 plus a few miles of link and some bang stuff just to get the message over.
 
#3
Gwar reminder service to ensure that they never inadvertantly get given jobs in any position of power as those that do have always proven to be evil.

Overblown ego puncturing ie taking the piss out of any and all that take themselves too seriously.

There are bound to be more
 
#4
Gwar reminder service to ensure that they never inadvertantly get given jobs in any position of power as those that do have always proven to be evil.

Overblown ego puncturing ie taking the piss out of any and all that take themselves too seriously.

There are bound to be more
Yes, good point! An important service in reminding people of the vile dangers of stirring the wrong genetic porridge perhaps.....and bursting a few ego balloons in Whitehall....and Wapping, also Berlusconi and Sarkozy..... good stuff!.
 
#5
[SNIP] If we point out to the Americans that they are as fat as fuck and as thick as two short planks perhaps they'll look into their nation's nutrition and education systems!

£60,000 a year and a tax free contribution free civil service pension for every time served arrser and the nation is saved!

What other services could we provide?
Need to get Jamie Oliver signed up to ARRSE then = he's already piloted that one. Would he head up the Dept of Fickness'n'Flabbiness?
 
#6
Need to get Jamie Oliver signed up to ARRSE then = he's already piloted that one. Would he head up the Dept of Fickness'n'Flabbiness?
As soon as he gets senior member status he can take over the Department of Internal and Foreign Lardies, salad and treadmills all round!
 
#9
I couldn't belong to any club that allowed him to be a Member.
Further to that, remember this will be a ministery. In a ministery you work alongside other civil servants, ergo. you only get to work with arseholes and people you hate! That's why the pension is buck shee!
 
M

Mark The Convict

Guest
#10
'Ministry of Special Interests'.

The title is deliberately vague, so it can encompass almost anything that takes the Minister's fancy, depending on how pissed or hungover he is. Deporting pikeys, declaring dwarf hurling a national sport, training mongs as weapons of war, establishing the Bureau of Albino Prostitutes - it all happens here.
 
#13
Can I be the Minister of War (Definately not Defence)?

I would give the Army a pay rise (and lots more link)
Buy the Navy lots of new ships and probably even planes that can fly off them. I would even let them sail them rather than just put them in a dry dock straight after purchase
I would then sack the RAF wasters less those absolutley necessary to maske planes fly( oh, an any wearing of jump siuts, espiecially by RAF trolly dollies on a hop to Cyprus would be banned unless you were physically in a vehicle able to break the sound barrier)








Then I'd declare War on the French for old times sake - its been way too long
 
#16
Can I work at the ministry of love? I'd enjoy dishing out the er...love to pikeys, scroungers, benefit cheats, basically anyone that's ever been on Jeremy Kyle or been on a show with celebrity in the title
 
#17
I would be happy to oversee the new "European Invasion Pipe" or Channel Tunnel as some soft lefties insist on calling it. No wet feet, No damp landing craft and we could provide endless re-supply of link.

Can I have a barrier, a hut and some Crab Regiment oiks to man it and be shouted at, loudly, for no reason other than they deserve it?

I have my own hat.
 

Command_doh

LE
Book Reviewer
#18
Despite the best will in the world, some Arrsers are already trying to push water uphill in the Snivel service and getting nowhere fast. Exhibiting common sense and telling people the truth about themselves are disciplinary offences...
 
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