British Justice: Lets play...The Sentencing Game

#1
Ok, here's how this works...

Imagine you're a Crown Court Judge and in front of you stands a chav scum toss-pot.

This bloke has been in and out of nick since his early teenage for a string of violent, drugs related, and firearms offences including assaults using a variety of weapons mainly on vulnerable people. One of which left a man seriously injured following a hammer attack.

Just last year, the police had to negotiate with this tw@ for the release of his baby son after he barricaded himself with a knife held to the kid's throat following a drug crazed attack on his (then) girlfriend.

Most recently, in breach of Police and Court bail the scrote attacks the same (now ex) girlfriend, her mate and another individual. In the ensuing melee he assaults two police officers.

Ok, after threatening the witnesses and sending his lawyer to negotiate he pleads guilty...

Now what you as the Judge must decide is what to do with him prior to sentencing...

Suggestions please.
 
#3
Hang him, of no use to society therefor consuming precious resources.
Dangling him from a rope is the environmentally appropriate course of action
 
#4
Oh, I don't know.

A triple chocolate sundae with hundreds and thousands, followed up by playing caterpillars on the courtroom floor, and then a nice afteroon ziz?
 
#7
Close, all of you, but no cigar just yet...

Joey, you're nearest...care to have another try?
 
#10
Told he's not the messiah but he is a very naughty boy?

3 minutes on the naughty step?
 
#11
Aw, devlish, how naiive you are. He was on remand (for almost a week) but cried so much and threatened to top himself that he was taken out of population and later released 'with stricter bail conditions applied'

Try again...
 
#12
I think I know this one.

Said chav's solicitor says he's got

A) Mental Problems
B) A drink problem
C) A drug problem
D) ADHD
E) Anger problems
F) All of the above

and is

A) Getting help for his anger problem
B) Not drinking so much
C) Trying to get off drugs
D) Is back with his ex and is trying to be a good dad for his kid
E) Has a good heart (true story)
F) Sorry

...and whallah!

Suspended Jail Sentence!
 
#13
Phantom, you're so close!
 
#14
Don't tell me the naughty step has been banned as a 'cruel and unusual punishment'?
 
#15
I recently nicked a similar chav (17 years old), who in the early hours went into a car sales forcourt hotwired a car and then played destruction derby. Caused 50k worth of damage. His response at being arrested was if that it wasnt for him I would not have a job, but without my job and the associated taxes he would not get benefits or his free rent allowance. Apparently, according to this ******** "A self perpetuating society". Then suggested I should clean his cell toilet as it was dirty.

Community service order and a fine, which no doubt he will pay at a rate of 50p per week.
 
#16
Jeez, seagull. Almost spot on!

Released on bail pending reports and sentencing. Told not to contact his ex by self, servant or agent and not allowed near her home town.

That's getting 'tough on crime' and 'cracking down'

PS. the last time he was given bail, he walked straight round to the grils house, broke in and robbed her purse, bought 24 cans of Stella and proceeded to beat the shoite out of her.
 
#17
redsquirrel said:
Jeez, seagull. Almost spot on!

Released on bail pending reports and sentencing. Told not to contact his ex by self, servant or agent and not allowed near her home town.

That's getting 'tough on crime' and 'cracking down'

PS. the last time he was given bail, he walked straight round to the grils house, broke in and robbed her purse, bought 24 cans of Stella and proceeded to beat the shoite out of her.
I have a sneaking suspicion that he'll do the same again, with a similar result in the Palace of Justice.

All behold the majesty of the Law, though at least the CPS ran the case in the first place.
 
#18
So, my final question is...anyone for an 'arrse social' in Burnley?
 
#19
Hanging is too good for them...

Answer
a)the judiciary
b)the government
c)the police
d)the defendants
 

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