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British Accents Sexiest in the World

Gud mornin' my luvvers!

Oim zure yoom all know th' zexiest accent in Britain?

The zheep just luvs it.

1606290777131.png
 
Couple of years ago I was in Orlando. The hotel we stay in is right next to the Convention Centre which makes the Birmingham NEC look like Little Snoring Village Hall. The result is the hotel is always rammed with convention attendees, mainly bored ones, a long way from home.....

Now, I’ve got a face like a fire damaged Stickle Brick and a physique straight out of an Oxfam famine relief poster so even an impeccable Middle English accent gets me only so far, even in Murica.

Having a tab out front one morning I was joined by a beautiful blind lass with an even more beautiful black Labrador. I have two myself so politley asked if I could pet the dog. Being blind to my shortcomings and subject to an onslaught of overly polite Middle English, she was soon foaming at the gusset. I asked her what she was up to that day and got

”I’m going to go up to my room and finger myself imagining what you look like”.

Jesus!

Which turned out to be apt as whilst I was formulating a response that would enhance my chances of being involved, her assistant appeared. 65 years old, 65” waist and 65 seconds ahead of me and my plans.

The harridan whisked my morning pleasures away and as they turned I realised I why the beauty was gasping and the minder was having none of it. Both were wearing T shirts with “17th Church of Christ The Motorcyclist, 2015 Orlando Prayer Meeting” or some such.
 

goodoldboy

MIA
Book Reviewer
Born and bred in Glasgow and come complete with the Rab.c. Nesbitt accent to prove it, however, have lost count of the amount of times I've been asked by Yanks whereabouts in Australia I'm from -WTF?
Mate, I've got an East Anglian accent which is about as far as you can get from yours and yet most Yanks think I'm an Aussie too! Silly buggers...
 
I worked at First Direct in Leeds for a while when I was at uni. They told us that they did loadsa market research to find the most pleasing British accent in order to make it pleasing ans acceptable to customers. West Yorkshire, they landed in West Yorkshire..............nothing to do with govt backhanders to try and get the unemployment down, oh dearie me no.

In a similar vein I posted this about six years ago:
In the late 80s I worked for an IT company which was looking at setting up call centre based outsourcing deals (or FM then) in deprived parts of the UK (pre-India days) to milk the Government grants.​
They commissioned a firm of occupational psychologists to assess people's reactions to regional accents as part of the planning.​
The results were kept fairly quiet but amounted pretty much to people hated most regional male accents but didn't mind some of the female ones.​
Nobody liked any Scouse accents.​
Brummies of both sexes were regarded as "sounding thick".​
Female Scottish, Geordie, Welsh and West Country accents were the most liked.​
For what it's worth they started out in the North East.​
They didn't look at Home Counties RP as that would have won hands down.
 
In a similar vein I posted this about six years ago:
In the late 80s I worked for an IT company which was looking at setting up call centre based outsourcing deals (or FM then) in deprived parts of the UK (pre-India days) to milk the Government grants.​
They commissioned a firm of occupational psychologists to assess people's reactions to regional accents as part of the planning.​
The results were kept fairly quiet but amounted pretty much to people hated most regional male accents but didn't mind some of the female ones.​
Nobody liked any Scouse accents.​
Brummies of both sexes were regarded as "sounding thick".​
Female Scottish, Geordie, Welsh and West Country accents were the most liked.​
For what it's worth they started out in the North East.​
They didn't look at Home Counties RP as that would have won hands down.
Were there grants available in the Home Counties?
 
Were there grants available in the Home Counties?

Oddly enough there were.

Mostly around the shitty seaside towns.

Which is why things like the Dental Estimates Board was moved to Eastbourne, OS was moved to Plymouth (obviously not SE but south at least). There are other examples but I am buggered if I can remember them after 35 years..
 

Themanwho

LE
Book Reviewer
I can vouch for the pantie dropping qualities of a decent English accent. My accent is pretty much generic English, not Hugh Grant posh nor Danny Dyer Estuary English, although I'm told I do have a slight Brummie twang which surfaces under pressure. In the spring of 89 whilst on EX CALTROP FORCE, I was 21, fit as a butcher's dog, still had all my own hair and teeth, and was fortunate enough to be enjoying several beers with some mates in Monterey, Califorinia. We walked into a little bar across from the touristy "Cannery Row" area, sat at a table and a perky little waitress came over and she and I had the following conversation:

Perky Waitress: "What can I getcha honey?"
Themanwho: "Three beers please".
PW: "Oh wow, are you guys Australian?" (Crocodile Dundee had been big recently)
TMW:"No love, we're English"
PW: "Oh (slightly disappointed - thank you very much, Paul bloody Hogan). Hey, say something in English to me!"
TMW: "Okay (dredging up the only bit of Shakespeare I knew by heart, I took her hand, looked into her eyes and):
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

PW: **Gush**

Quite possibly the best use of that English Literature O Level I've ever managed. The beers were free, I got her number, and she banged like a nymphomaniac on death row.

I tried the same shtick in Los Angeles on R&R a few weeks later with predictably utter, utter failure.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
Oddly enough there were.

Mostly around the shitty seaside towns.

Which is why things like the Dental Estimates Board was moved to Eastbourne, OS was moved to Plymouth (obviously not SE but south at least). There are other examples but I am buggered if I can remember them after 35 years..
Plymouth? HQ OS was built in a recently vacated former barracks half a mile from me when I moved to Southampton in the 80s. The purpose built building looks 60s-70s architecture:

This ⬆ off Google Street view now, but OS moved out about ten years ago, half a mile the other side of me. This site is derelict.

How can I be sure it was a barracks? My neighbour, now deceased, an original occupant of these houses, told me. Plus, if you could see it (on Street View no picture was taken down the street though the recently built houses toward this building in the middle of the new estate):

https://w3w.co/text.luxury.fully

(HQ OS is the hollow square building a few metres south.) If you could see this building, you'd just know it was an RHQ building in the style popular 120 years ago, and universal in Tidworth in the 70s.
 
Plymouth? HQ OS was built in a recently vacated former barracks half a mile from me when I moved to Southampton in the 80s. The purpose built building looks 60s-70s architecture:

This ⬆ off Google Street view now, but OS moved out about ten years ago, half a mile the other side of me. This site is derelict.

How can I be sure it was a barracks? My neighbour, now deceased, an original occupant of these houses, told me. Plus, if you could see it (on Street View no picture was taken down the street though the recently built houses toward this building in the middle of the new estate):

https://w3w.co/text.luxury.fully

(HQ OS is the hollow square building a few metres south.) If you could see this building, you'd just know it was an RHQ building in the style popular 120 years ago, and universal in Tidworth in the 70s.

That's a mea culpa on my part Alien.

I meant the UK Land Registry which was moved to Plymouth.

In defence of my declining mental state I would say that I met both organisations at several meetings in Plymouth in connection with a SI project and confused them.
 
My first visit to the states I ended up at a late party on arrival, sans rest let alone sleep. My accent was Sussex, plus whatever 6 years in Plaistow & Westcliff had done to it.

As I was answering questions of various young ladies, another's eyes just glazed over. I asked her if I was keeping her up, but apparently she was so taken with a word I used. After some back and forth the word that had so taken her was ... fortnight. 'Oooh, what does it mean?'. The other lasses then wanted more 'wonderful English words'.
 

BigMac

Old-Salt
I can only assume the N Irish accents aren't being included here. I once heard my North Belfast accent described as being 'like a duck getting anger-fucked'.
 
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rampant

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I can only assume the N Irish accents aren't being included here. I once my North Belfast accent described as being 'like a duck getting anger-fucked'.
An American speaks


Good show though. It just wouldn't be the same without the machine gun intensity of the accent.
 
I have conducted this experiment, albeit in my late twenties; fish in a barrel.

Put on a nice Austin Reed suit, with the accoutrements, speak like James Bond............like you say, fish in a barrel.
 
Born and bred in Glasgow and come complete with the Rab.c. Nesbitt accent to prove it, however, have lost count of the amount of times I've been asked by Yanks whereabouts in Australia I'm from -WTF?

I get asked more if I am Aussie than if I am British. They just cannot do accents.
 
My first visit to the states - we went alongside New York in '96, after taking part in Ex Purple Star. It was also "fleet week". We went ashore on a 'rig run' wearing white tropics. Probably the only experience I'll ever have giving some inklink of what it feels like to be a mega famous rock star or something.
People were literally grabbing hold of us and asking for pictures. Several lads got whisked away by fathers wanting to take a brit sailor back for their daughter to meet. I digress...
We didn't have to put our hands in our pockets for anything. Straight to the front of any queue and people grappling for out attention. A group of us ended up in a nightclub which I think was called Webster Hall.
I trapped off with a yank bird but I was mullered. Last thing I can remember is feeling slightly confused as I was carried out into a taxi.
Morning after, back onboard, I waas told I had puked all over the yank bird I'd trapped, and that she was super-model material...yeah yeah..cheers etc etc. Several weeks later, when people's photos had been developed- I discovered that my oppos were not bullshitting- the yank bird I'd trapped was indeed stunning- way above my league and- I'd thrown up all over her.

Gutted I never nailed her first!
 

Themanwho

LE
Book Reviewer
I can only assume the N Irish accents aren't being included here. I once my North Belfast accent described as being 'like a duck getting anger-fucked'.
It has to be said, if the spitting image of Claudia Schiffer sashayed up to me wearing nothing but bad intentions, licked her lips and whispered "What aboot ye?" I would, in the manner of a News of the Screws journo at a swingers party, make my excuses and leave*.









*after gagging her and smashing her back doors in, obvs.
 

964ST

Old-Salt
Here in Germanland „Even though my Vocabulary in German is Good?“ My actual grip of Grammer is pretty poor!!“ Therefore I am „Often„ mistaken for sounding like a drunken Dutch person!!
Which I quite like the Idea off! Cause I like “Dutchland“ and Drink“.
 
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