Bristol Stool Chart - Whats yours?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Sky-Monkey, May 20, 2007.

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  1. Interesting. I started off with a Type 3 that progressed to a Type 5 rapidly followed by a Type 7. I am indeed talented for I can multi-stool.

  2. So which is the best/optimum?

    Mine ranges from 2-5.

    My particular favourite isn't on though... the Armour piercing front followed by soft squishiness.
  3. Agree with your last point there old chap, very disappointing that they don't have the Grand Cru of stools on this chart but in many ways, all these types are deeply satisfying in their own unique way. I'm not absolutely sure there is an optimum stool as each fits a particular mood don't you think?
  4. Rarely #1 or #7. Mostly 3's, 4's, and 5's. Rather depends on the volume and quality of the beverages consumed the previous evening. I find Timothy Taylor's Landlord lends itself to a slimy, unpleasant turd, whereas Squire Weston's finest vintage Scrumpy usually leads to a fine, sturdy English Yeomans dump. Guiness, obviously is a recipe for an oil crisis in Southern regions.
  5. What about the one that HAS to be wrapped in stinging nettles because of the stinging it delivers to your ring?
  6. There's a type missing: "The RPG Round". That's when a fart gets behind the turd and as you strain a bit, it gets fired out of your ringpiece and right round the S-bend in a millisecond, followed closely by the sonic boom of its passing.

  7. I slung one out a month or so back that was the piece de resistance of the turd world.

    At least 14" long and as thick as a can of deodorant. Been stewing up there for days. Felt guilty about flushing it, should have been framed and sold as an art piece - well, to be honest I couldn't flush it, density of steel, had to send the missus in to break it up!

    Defo right off the Bristol Scale!!
  8. I once did a Type 4 on a German bog (the ones with the flat shelf and the hole at the front). When I stood up to inspect my handiwork, I found I'd dumped a perfect pretzel, although I can't remember actually moving my ringpiece in that shape.
    I didn't have the heart to flush it either.

  9. Did that once 3 days into an exercise in Germany - 18 inches long in one piece! I was so proud I called the whole section over to see it :D
  10. Whilst I'm not averse to admiring someone else's bottywork, that just left me feeling rather queasy..
  11. Wuss! :D
  12. :D

    You posted the bloody thing.... :roll:
  13. I am young(ish) and I will learn. But for the time being, fourth row down, third from the left you can keep! :oops:
  14. Not ratemypoo I didn't! It wasn't me, it was you, you nasty man!