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Brilliant - The "Portagrief"

It might be a spoof but the North Oxfordshire mouth-breathers are in dire need of it.

A couple of years ago a local tree gave the good news to three of Burberry's finest. The recovery vehicle had barely carted the now horseshoe-shaped remains of the underpowered, over-pimped chavcoffin out of sight before the local 'massiiiiv' were all over the place like an Interflora roadshow.

It was a shame that none of them were sufficiently bright enough to realise the significance of the skid marks, freshly ploughed verge and blackened impact scars on a tree not twenty-five feet from the pristine specimen where they grief-spunked their wilting pile of stolen garage flowers and poundstretcher teddies.

On second thoughts, they have managed to adorn the wrong tree on two successive anniversaries so I suppose even the advantages of a Portagrief would be rendered ineffective by our low-wattage brethren as they'd just keep moving it back.

On a brighter note, if someone does start making them, I'm tempted to flood the market with cheap, highly flammable Chinese copies complete with faulty tealights and lots of sharp edges...

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